redneck jokes

[Japanrocks12]

You guys seem to be in to blond jokes

Let's joke about another type of social misfortune... the rednecks


Billy-Bob was walking into town one day wearing nothing but his gun and his boots. Just as he began walking down Main Street he was confronted by the Sheriff.
"Hey, Billy-Bob, ya mind if I ask you what you are doin' walkin' down Main Street wearin' nothin' but your gunbelt and boots?"
"Well Sheriff, it's a long story."
"I ain't going nowhere", said the Sheriff.
"Well Sheriff, a couple hours ago I ran into Mary Lou in the saloon. We had ourselves a couple of drinks and then we started to feelin' kinda frisky and Mary Lou said, 'Why don't we go out to the barn?' So we did.
Then we started getting real close and cuddin' and smoochin' and Mary Lou said, 'Why don't we go out back and go up to the top of the hill.' So we did."
He continued, "We started cuddlin' and smoochin' some more and the next thing I know, Mary Lou had taken off all her clothes and she suggested that I do the same. So I did, all except my gunbelt and boots.
Then Mary Lou laid down on the ground and spread her legs apart and said 'Okay,Billy-Bob, go to town'.

 

[YNCS]

That's not a redneck joke. Redneck jokes are more like: You can tell you're a redneck if your home is mobile and the three cars on your front lawn aren't.

 

[Penguin Glory]

@ YNCS

 

[Japanrocks12]

how do you get a picture by your status?

 

[Penguin Glory]

Do you mean an avatar? Go to profile, edit options, and look around, its in there.

 

[G-Man]

You can have a custom one after 300 posts. BTW Rednecks are evil. That's why we don't have them in Israel.

 

[G-Force Junkie]

You're probably a Redneck if you go to a family reunion to pick up babes.

 

[Benderino]

I just came from a vacation to Mississippi. It was crawlin with gun lovin', Confederacy hopin', wife beatin', beer drinkin' Southerners. Quite an experience.

 

[G-Force Junkie]

I can't really talk; I live in Alabama but I was born in Arkansas, so I make funny of my neighbors (and most of my family) only in good fun, but almost all of my relatives (including the man whose roof I live under) have major arsenals of rifles. My dad not only has that but also quite a supply of handguns.

 

[napoleon526]

If you're too drunk to fish, you might be a redneck.

If your house is on wheels and your car is on blocks, you might be a redneck.

 

[WillJ]

If you own more rifles than IQ points, you might be a redneck.

If your family tree is so screwed up that you're your own uncle, you might be a redneck.

If your family owns three Bibles but can't read them, you might be a redneck.

If your family tree is actually a circle, you might be a redneck.

 

[baydogbay]

lol

 

[Lord_all_Mighty]

If your family tree does not "fork"

If your wife says she's game and you shoot her

If you've ever lost a tooth opening a beer bottle

If you and your dog share the same tree at the corner

If you thing the nutcracker is something you did off the highdive

 

[KingWilly]

If you name your children ..... Bob or ........ Lou, you might be a redneck.

If you can play 'dueling banjos', you might be a redneck.

If you own a white hooded costume, you might be a redneck

 

[Judge_Deadd]

If you have a red neck, you are a redneck

 

[Chris85]

Ways to tell if a computer is owned by a redneck:

1. The mouse is referred to as a, "critter."

2. The keyboard is camouflaged.

3. There is a skoal can in the CD-ROM drive.

4. There is a gunrack mounted on the CPU

5. The password is, "Bubba."

6. The numeric keypad only goes up to six.

7. NRA mousepad on desk, next to the Bible.

8. Windows 95 has a Dale Earnhardt sticker on it.

9. Outgoing faxes have beerstains on them.

10. The printer goes really slow since Bubba don't read to fast.

11. The extra RAM slots have Dodge truck parts installed in them.

12. The menus all have Rolling Rock, Black Label, Lone Star and Old Milwaukee Options.

13. Jeff Foxworthy *.wavs.

14. The monitor is up on blocks.

15. Seven blue tick hounds under the desk, next to the moonshine still.

16. Deer jerky in the desk drawer, next to the mouth harp.

17. The screen saver consists of pictures of Ned Beatty with Deuling Banjos playing In the background.

18. Wastebasket is a spittoon.

19. John Deer Pocket Protectors.

20. Autographed picture of the cast from the "Dukes of Hazzard" on the desk.

 

[Chris85]

You Might Be A Jedi Redneck If. . .

1. Your Jedi robe is Camouflage colored.

2. You might be a Jedi Redneck if you say 'May the force be with ya'll!'

3. You might be a Jedi Redneck if you call your young apprentice, 'Juner.(JR.).'

4. There is a spot in your Camero for an R-2 unit.

5. The inside of your house looks more like Degobah than the outside.

6. You might be a Jedi Redneck if you've ever heard the phrase 'Luke I am your Father...and your Uncle...and your Brother.'

7. You think that Storm troopers are just KKK members with really good sheets.

8. You use a Jedi mind trick to stop the beer truck.

9. You've accidentally shot at Yoda mistaking him for a rabbit.

10. You might be a Jedi Redneck if you've ever beaten up Han Solo for looking at your sister.

11. You constantly mistake R2 units for beer kegs.

12. You might be a Jedi Redneck if you got your light saber by sending in 750 Skoal Lids.

13. You might be a Jedi Redneck if you call Hank Williams Jr. 'master.'

14. You count B. O. as a Jedi power.

15. You might be a Jedi Redneck if you've ever had your R-2 unit use its arc welding torch to get the barbecue grill to light.

16. You use your light saber to cut the bottle cap off a beer.

17. You might be a Jedi Redneck if that 'Disturbance in the Force' was just last night's baked beans and spare ribs.

18. Your land speeder has a gun rack.

19. You use your Jedi healing powers to clear up your VD.

20. The best use of your light saber is picking your teeth.

21. You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.

22. You meditate to old Creedence Clearwater Revival records.

23. You might be a Jedi Redneck if you've got 5 broken down land speeders on blocks in front of your trailer.

24. Your robes have the Golden Flour label on them.

25. There is more oil in your robes than in your astromech droid.

26. You have a rebel flag on your X-Wing.

27. Made a light saber from beer cans and a T.V. remote.

28. You might be a Jedi Redneck if your father ever said to you, 'Shoot, son, come on over t' the dark side...it'll be a hoot.'

29. You jump-start your light saber off a car battery.

30. You have a gas powered light saber.

31. Your father's name is Garth Vader.

32. You call Yoda your green L'il critter.

33. You can count up to 24 on your fingers and toes.

34. The Force isn't the only thing that runs in the family.

35. You might be a Jedi Redneck if you've ever said, 'Anger... fear...aggression... Yankees... the dark side are they.'

36. A storm trooper catches you spotlighting ewoks from your land cruiser.

37. You beat the Gamorrean Guard in an 'Ugly' contest.

38. You've ever used a light saber to skin a deer.

39. You might be a Jedi Redneck if you say 'these are not the beers you're looking for.'

40. Your light saber has a beer can crusher in the base.

41. Ever used the force in conjunction with fishing/bowling.

42. You conceal your light saber in your cowboy boots.

43. Wookies are offended by your B. O.

44. You call the game warden asking when the Millenium Falcon will be in season.

 

[rkade8583]

If you think the nutcracker is something you did off the high dive then you might be a redneck

If you think the last four words of the pledge of allegience are "GENTLEMEN, START YOUR ENGINES!!!" then you might be a redneck.

I'm a redneck and PROUD of it. I'm also the spawn of HELL'S ANGELS (mom and dad were at Altamount)