Roleplaying Challenge: Dubya
- Thread starter slobberinbear
- Start date
)slobberinbear
Ursine Skald
Round 2: to 470 B.C., part one
"Go to the copper, sir," the advisor said.
"What's your name, soldier?"
"General CivCorpse."
"Ah, so that's what I'm smellin'. Whew, buddy you smell like a three-day old taco compuesta."
"More scouts?"
"We need more lightly armed men running through the forests," Big Dick explained, gesticulating harshly.
"Reminds me of those summers in Kennebunkport. But there were girls involved."
"Should we send some girls with them? Good for PR ..." Rove pondered.
"Good idea!"
"Goin' for the food again," Cheney said, nodding sagely as he patted his belly.
"Damn! That's another ten bucks!"
Dubya looked to his advisors, confused.
"So we turn the malcontents into slaves, then send them packing to settle somewhere else?"
"Exactly, Mr. President. MERP is good policy," Rove said.
"MERP?"
"Mandatory Extradition Rendition Plan."
"Work on that name, Karl. I doesn't roll off the tongue."
"Walls, sir."
"You know, good fences make good neighbors."
"We don't have any neighbors, sir."
"Well then let's get some. Nothing like a good barbecue."
"The co-ed scouting parties, sir ... they aren't coming back," Ashcroft said.
"Making little scouting babies in the woods, I bet."
"Train more, but just send the, err, you know ..." Big Dick mumbled.
"I gotcha Dick. The new scouts will all play for the other team," Dubya said, grinning. "No more babies in the woods. Heck, they might even plant some flowers."
"This free market slavery seems to be unpopular. My approval rating is in the crapper," Dubya complained.
"It's just the lazy liberals," Big Dick murmured.
"Time for another relocation!"
"Sure, I'm into the mystic, Pat. I was really into it back in college, usually with a couple Kappas in the sack and Jerry Jeff Walker playing in the background."
"We have to think about your immortal soul."
"You mean God and stuff?"
"Yes, Mr. President."
"The people really like God, sir," Rove whispered.
"Sign me up, padre!"
"I've seen some naked men running around in the woods with clubs," Dubya said.
"Are you sure those aren't our scouts?" Big Dick asked, concerned.
"No, those are wild barbarians," Ashcroft explained.
"What we need is a big ass wall to keep the illegal aliens out," Big Dick said.
"Cool! Just make sure we keep the good cooks and the gardeners," Dubya pleaded. "Especially the greenskeepers!"
"Uh, sir, someone else built the Big Ass Wall," Chertoff said meekly.
"What kind of homeland defense is that?"
"Don't worry, Mr. President. Their Wall will keep their illegal aliens in," Rove soothed.
"And they'll have to foot the bill for that sucker, too. Sounds good!"
"I'm feeling all mystical, Pat."
"You need to relax, Mr. President. Meditate."
"What, just sit here?"
"Exactly."
"Hell, I do that all day. No sweat!"
"I have always admired your toughness and willpower, Winnie. Your ability to see through the politics and avoid the easy route. Standing tall, never givin' an inch," Dubya said, slapping the Englishman on the knee. "More steak?"
"Mmrph," Churchill said, nodding with a mouthful.
"First those barbarians burn the cornfield ..."
"Disgruntled illegal aliens," Rove whispered.
"Right, first those nasty illegal aliens burn our corn, then the copper mine blows up. Where are the workers?"
"They're off pursuing their economic freedom in New York, mining the gems there," Greenspan noted.
"Get me a few for Laura," Dubya said after a moment.
"zzzzzzz."
"Mr. President, stop meditating if you would," Pat said.
"Mrrph. Yeah?"
"We need to learn how to teach other people how to mystically meditate."
"Good idea. Folks are too wound up around here. Grab my slippers, Pat."
"Go to the copper, sir," the advisor said.
"What's your name, soldier?"
"General CivCorpse."
"Ah, so that's what I'm smellin'. Whew, buddy you smell like a three-day old taco compuesta."
"More scouts?"
"We need more lightly armed men running through the forests," Big Dick explained, gesticulating harshly.
"Reminds me of those summers in Kennebunkport. But there were girls involved."
"Should we send some girls with them? Good for PR ..." Rove pondered.
"Good idea!"
"Goin' for the food again," Cheney said, nodding sagely as he patted his belly.
"Damn! That's another ten bucks!"
Dubya looked to his advisors, confused.
"So we turn the malcontents into slaves, then send them packing to settle somewhere else?"
"Exactly, Mr. President. MERP is good policy," Rove said.
"MERP?"
"Mandatory Extradition Rendition Plan."
"Work on that name, Karl. I doesn't roll off the tongue."
"Walls, sir."
"You know, good fences make good neighbors."
"We don't have any neighbors, sir."
"Well then let's get some. Nothing like a good barbecue."
"The co-ed scouting parties, sir ... they aren't coming back," Ashcroft said.
"Making little scouting babies in the woods, I bet."
"Train more, but just send the, err, you know ..." Big Dick mumbled.
"I gotcha Dick. The new scouts will all play for the other team," Dubya said, grinning. "No more babies in the woods. Heck, they might even plant some flowers."
"This free market slavery seems to be unpopular. My approval rating is in the crapper," Dubya complained.
"It's just the lazy liberals," Big Dick murmured.
"Time for another relocation!"
"Sure, I'm into the mystic, Pat. I was really into it back in college, usually with a couple Kappas in the sack and Jerry Jeff Walker playing in the background."
"We have to think about your immortal soul."
"You mean God and stuff?"
"Yes, Mr. President."
"The people really like God, sir," Rove whispered.
"Sign me up, padre!"
"I've seen some naked men running around in the woods with clubs," Dubya said.
"Are you sure those aren't our scouts?" Big Dick asked, concerned.
"No, those are wild barbarians," Ashcroft explained.
"What we need is a big ass wall to keep the illegal aliens out," Big Dick said.
"Cool! Just make sure we keep the good cooks and the gardeners," Dubya pleaded. "Especially the greenskeepers!"
Spoiler :
"Uh, sir, someone else built the Big Ass Wall," Chertoff said meekly.
"What kind of homeland defense is that?"
"Don't worry, Mr. President. Their Wall will keep their illegal aliens in," Rove soothed.
"And they'll have to foot the bill for that sucker, too. Sounds good!"
"I'm feeling all mystical, Pat."
"You need to relax, Mr. President. Meditate."
"What, just sit here?"
"Exactly."
"Hell, I do that all day. No sweat!"
"I have always admired your toughness and willpower, Winnie. Your ability to see through the politics and avoid the easy route. Standing tall, never givin' an inch," Dubya said, slapping the Englishman on the knee. "More steak?"
"Mmrph," Churchill said, nodding with a mouthful.
"First those barbarians burn the cornfield ..."
"Disgruntled illegal aliens," Rove whispered.
"Right, first those nasty illegal aliens burn our corn, then the copper mine blows up. Where are the workers?"
"They're off pursuing their economic freedom in New York, mining the gems there," Greenspan noted.
"Get me a few for Laura," Dubya said after a moment.
"zzzzzzz."
"Mr. President, stop meditating if you would," Pat said.
"Mrrph. Yeah?"
"We need to learn how to teach other people how to mystically meditate."
"Good idea. Folks are too wound up around here. Grab my slippers, Pat."
madscientist
RPC Supergenius
What an extraordinary Idea and execution. Tell me what happens to old GW, er I mean GWB when he learns the real tough concentps, Like math.
Win or lose does not matter much, a great read. However, I think it's essential you end up ranked higher than Dan Quayle.
Win or lose does not matter much, a great read. However, I think it's essential you end up ranked higher than Dan Quayle.
madscientist
RPC Supergenius
I think the next tech is a little difficult.
Does GWB follow the lead of the religious right and pursue priesthood hoping for divine knowledge from the oracle. Or does he pusue Animal Husbandry for the Boston Beef industry. Follow your political base or your financial base? These are difficult times sir, do not let your cabinet confuse the issues. More beef means more Illegals to whip away into production, yet at the same time faith can fuel the body more than any food. Difficult decisions Mr. President, and regardless of your decision we WILL be there to tell you you made a misatke. In fact we already have 10 page editorials written (but unpublished) discussing how you made the wrong choice. What will it be Mr. President, food or faith, and how could you possibly choose one over the other. Are you a heretic or a god-fearing man, are you a rich self-centered despot who cares less if your people are fed or a beloeved and adored king who cares for his people. What is you decision Mr. President.
The following message was paid for by the fans of MAD (MadScientist for Alternative Despot) for President.
Does GWB follow the lead of the religious right and pursue priesthood hoping for divine knowledge from the oracle. Or does he pusue Animal Husbandry for the Boston Beef industry. Follow your political base or your financial base? These are difficult times sir, do not let your cabinet confuse the issues. More beef means more Illegals to whip away into production, yet at the same time faith can fuel the body more than any food. Difficult decisions Mr. President, and regardless of your decision we WILL be there to tell you you made a misatke. In fact we already have 10 page editorials written (but unpublished) discussing how you made the wrong choice. What will it be Mr. President, food or faith, and how could you possibly choose one over the other. Are you a heretic or a god-fearing man, are you a rich self-centered despot who cares less if your people are fed or a beloeved and adored king who cares for his people. What is you decision Mr. President.
The following message was paid for by the fans of MAD (MadScientist for Alternative Despot) for President.
slobberinbear
Ursine Skald
Round 2 to 470 B.C., Part 2
"Who is this guy?"
"That's your head of the Department of Education," Rove reminded.
"Right. So you want us to learn to write words, huh?"
"Yes, Mr. President. That way our knowledge can be recorded for future generations."
"Way I see it, there won't be any future generations without some more food, especially since ol' Winnie ate all of our damned steak! We've gotta harness those cows! In fact, I'm going to move my ranch out there."
"Good hunting out there," Big Dick said gruffly.
"Yep. And some interesting wild crops there too," Dubya said, grinning devilishly. "Come next year, you're all welcome to the Burning J ranch."
"Pat, I think I talked to God last night. He said something about not eating beef and milk together. Other than that, he made a lot of sense."
"It's important that we all have a personal relationship with God."
"He told me to build up the nation, honor God, and work on my backswing when I'm teeing off."
"Wisdom of the ages, Mr. President," Pat said reverently.
"Hopefully we'll have fewer malcontents to ship outta here after the people learn about God," Dubya observed.
Big Dick gave him a penetrating look.
"I know, I know. I'm a softie," the Presdient said, sighing. "Send out another exploration party. And tell them to leave their grooming products behind. Last group we sent out had too much damned luggage! They say the bears tracked 'em by the floral scent."
"All right, where do we send these malcontents?" Dubya asked his advisors.
"Our involuntary relocation expatriots should be close enough to contribute to our economy, but be far enough away so as not to get in the way of our policy implementation," Greenspan noted.
"Right. Any specific ideas?"
"Who is this guy?"
"That's your head of the Department of Education," Rove reminded.
"Right. So you want us to learn to write words, huh?"
"Yes, Mr. President. That way our knowledge can be recorded for future generations."
"Way I see it, there won't be any future generations without some more food, especially since ol' Winnie ate all of our damned steak! We've gotta harness those cows! In fact, I'm going to move my ranch out there."
"Good hunting out there," Big Dick said gruffly.
"Yep. And some interesting wild crops there too," Dubya said, grinning devilishly. "Come next year, you're all welcome to the Burning J ranch."
Spoiler :
"Pat, I think I talked to God last night. He said something about not eating beef and milk together. Other than that, he made a lot of sense."
"It's important that we all have a personal relationship with God."
"He told me to build up the nation, honor God, and work on my backswing when I'm teeing off."
"Wisdom of the ages, Mr. President," Pat said reverently.
"Hopefully we'll have fewer malcontents to ship outta here after the people learn about God," Dubya observed.
Big Dick gave him a penetrating look.
"I know, I know. I'm a softie," the Presdient said, sighing. "Send out another exploration party. And tell them to leave their grooming products behind. Last group we sent out had too much damned luggage! They say the bears tracked 'em by the floral scent."
"All right, where do we send these malcontents?" Dubya asked his advisors.
"Our involuntary relocation expatriots should be close enough to contribute to our economy, but be far enough away so as not to get in the way of our policy implementation," Greenspan noted.
"Right. Any specific ideas?"
madscientist
RPC Supergenius
And CivFanatics, this leader of ours, this DUBYA decides to put writing and libraries ahead of the basics of feeding the people. How many are starving, how the development of our lands are so greatly ******** that we will never achieve our role as leader of the world. No, instead of animal Husbandy to feed these poor immigrants he decides on a massive program od "No Child Left Behind" in writing. For what purpose? To dumb down to rest of America to meet his massively below average intelligance.
My fellow Americans, I am disappointed here. With rising costs this man favors catering to the religious elite in Priesthood and snobbish intellectuals in writing over what basics of American life, FOOD. Sure we have grains, but at what costs. He even gave away all our limited beef to the British Toad, throwing hard earned money overseas to another leader who doesn't even like us mush. We need an alternative. We need something everyone, the rich kings and the poor peasents can use. We need, no we demand our Big Mac,s, and with fried sir, and with fries.
Mr. President, the American people have spoken.
The following message was paid for by the fans of MAD (MadScientist for Alternative Despot) for President.
My fellow Americans, I am disappointed here. With rising costs this man favors catering to the religious elite in Priesthood and snobbish intellectuals in writing over what basics of American life, FOOD. Sure we have grains, but at what costs. He even gave away all our limited beef to the British Toad, throwing hard earned money overseas to another leader who doesn't even like us mush. We need an alternative. We need something everyone, the rich kings and the poor peasents can use. We need, no we demand our Big Mac,s, and with fried sir, and with fries.
Mr. President, the American people have spoken.
The following message was paid for by the fans of MAD (MadScientist for Alternative Despot) for President.
Frankthetank
Chieftain
Since Dubya is from Texas, shouldn't we set our research sets towards oil, if we're still alive by then?
A great read, made even better by being updated while I'm at work! 
You're not doing too badly considering, but I would never have considered building that many scouts. Those advisers must know something I don't .. funny how you're neglecting Animal Husbandry because the 'growth' adviser is a low priority on your list of people to listen too .. good work!
You're not doing too badly considering, but I would never have considered building that many scouts. Those advisers must know something I don't .. funny how you're neglecting Animal Husbandry because the 'growth' adviser is a low priority on your list of people to listen too .. good work!
slobberinbear
Ursine Skald
"Come on, people. Think. Where do we put the IREs (settlers)? I don't see any damned blue circles!"
Wouldn't it be nice to settle 1N of the pigs on the east coast? We could ride them around and they make funny noises, and for some reason there is a small amount more
where they tend to congregate. I can't imagine eating such a thing though, it's pretty unAmerican and taboo to shun our corn-based snacks. That location would grab us rice though, which might well be delicious fried, and has a rather nice river while allowing us access to the vast watery horizon.Alternatively we could go north of Philadelphia and net ourselves any combination of iron, rice and banana!
PaulusIII
Unholy Warlord
How about 3 SE of Philadelphia? That looks like a strong production spot to me. (Or as Munch suggested, 1N of the pigs if you want it coastal)
Looks like you have to win this game by better military strategy/tactics and diplomacy... because you're forced to play as stupid as the AI but with Monarch production bonuses for the opponents.
Looks like you have to win this game by better military strategy/tactics and diplomacy... because you're forced to play as stupid as the AI but with Monarch production bonuses for the opponents.
madscientist
RPC Supergenius
Sure now the President asks opinions after he get's himself into it.
Since the current Administration favor the military approach, it seams they are destined to settle along to river north of the rice. This would claim the iron after a border pop (You'll need some culture MR. President, culture) as well as the rice and eventually bananas (and I hope you do not delay calendar too long, the people need food). Cottages would get you alot of commerce along to river to keep your capatilistic dags advisors happy. It would also prevent you from giving away too much american land to rival countries.
The following message was paid for by the fans of MAD (MadScientist for Alternative Despot) for President.
Since the current Administration favor the military approach, it seams they are destined to settle along to river north of the rice. This would claim the iron after a border pop (You'll need some culture MR. President, culture) as well as the rice and eventually bananas (and I hope you do not delay calendar too long, the people need food). Cottages would get you alot of commerce along to river to keep your capatilistic dags advisors happy. It would also prevent you from giving away too much american land to rival countries.
The following message was paid for by the fans of MAD (MadScientist for Alternative Despot) for President.
Frankthetank
Chieftain
Mad has a good idea with the iron, an alternative would be west of NYC on the plains by the rivers to claim the dye/bananas, aiding in our ride towards the pacific
Siran
Warlord
I'd say that the iron is a really good reason to settle north. If we get somewhere in the vicinity of that resource we'll probably have some new blue circles. Don't you think so?
Yes ... without seeing more of that part of the map I'd say the best location is 1N of the rice to gain all 3 resources, but yeah moving over there could summon the heavenly blue circles, forcing us to settle somewhere divinely inspired instead.
I say we whip the cities more. Maybe then the AI will only recommend animal husbandry for growth since the empire has so little people 
It really hurts to see unimproved cows from the start of the game.
BTW, can we get a scout count (dead and running around)? That part is hilarious.
It really hurts to see unimproved cows from the start of the game.BTW, can we get a scout count (dead and running around)? That part is hilarious.
POINT-COUNTERPOINT
Editorial - Partnership with Cows Beneficial for Cow and ManN.Y. Times - 1900, B.C.
Food is the building block of all great civilizations. Yet a Washingtonian meal consists of of one course - corn. Corn for breakfast. Corn for lunch. Corn for dinner. Corn for snacks.
The solution to our culinary problem is obvious, and it is closer than you think. In fact, right now it is wandering the great northwestern plain, slowly chewing its cud.
Yes, I speak of the cow.
Why will Despot Bush not put his resources into learning the way of the Cow. If we could tame this beast, we could eat beef with our corn.
We must look to the future. Beef is our future.
Editorial - Liberal Cow-Eaters: Beastiality in Disguise
Pagan Daily, 1900 B.C.
In their never-ending quest to crush the moral fiber of this great nation, the Washington liberal establishment has hit upon a demonically clever plan. They will seduce the youth of this country by appealing to their stomachs, which will lead them down the slippery slope to beastiality.
What else could come of this radical plan to domesticate the cow? Who among us is strong enough to suppress the amorous urge when a willing cow is confined in a barn mere yards from human sleeping quarters?
We stand behind our President in his firm resolve to prevent the Cow Agenda from corrupting the morals of the youth of our Nation.
Editorial - Partnership with Cows Beneficial for Cow and ManN.Y. Times - 1900, B.C.
Food is the building block of all great civilizations. Yet a Washingtonian meal consists of of one course - corn. Corn for breakfast. Corn for lunch. Corn for dinner. Corn for snacks.
The solution to our culinary problem is obvious, and it is closer than you think. In fact, right now it is wandering the great northwestern plain, slowly chewing its cud.
Yes, I speak of the cow.
Why will Despot Bush not put his resources into learning the way of the Cow. If we could tame this beast, we could eat beef with our corn.
We must look to the future. Beef is our future.
Editorial - Liberal Cow-Eaters: Beastiality in Disguise
Pagan Daily, 1900 B.C.
In their never-ending quest to crush the moral fiber of this great nation, the Washington liberal establishment has hit upon a demonically clever plan. They will seduce the youth of this country by appealing to their stomachs, which will lead them down the slippery slope to beastiality.
What else could come of this radical plan to domesticate the cow? Who among us is strong enough to suppress the amorous urge when a willing cow is confined in a barn mere yards from human sleeping quarters?
We stand behind our President in his firm resolve to prevent the Cow Agenda from corrupting the morals of the youth of our Nation.
TheMeInTeam
If A implies B...
- Joined
- Jan 26, 2008
- Messages
- 27,995
Strip down - your country needs you out "exploring the woods"
. You even get a free hatchet.Move around the settler a bit, and maybe you will see blue circles somewhere. Now the settler is so far away from "potential city sites", that you don't see the circles. I know from experience, I tried this today.. Quite fun and relaxing actually, just pushing enter and fast clicking. But monarch is way too hard. Prince could be doable with a good start, though.
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