Roleplaying Challenge: Dubya

[slobberinbear]

Round 7: to 1812 A.D.

"They'll never understand," Dubya said, shaking his head as the incensed Spanish emissary left the 14th tee box at the Burning J Ranch.

"They can't understand," Big Dick harrumphed, hefting his 3-wood. "Their land is ours, even if they were there first. It's our Manifest Destiny,"

"Yep. And I'm Manifest Destiny's Child. Fore!"

"Message from the Turks, Mr. President."

"Is it from the Otto-Man?" Dubya asked in hushed, reverent tones.

"Gimme that," Big Dick interjected. "Damn! He's declaring war. That Spanish temptress got to him!"

"Her chalupas are something else, I'll give her that."

Spoiler :

Here's an extra bonus bit of fun. This is what happens in the late game when you are hopelessly outclassed in tech ...

and then Willem came along with the biggest gift I'd ever received ...

"I won't sign it!" Dubya yelled, arms crossed.

"Mr. President ..."

"NO! I'm a conservative! We need to be learning CONSERVATISM!!" he screamed as they forced his pen to the bill.

"Barcelona is under American control," Big Dick said, rubbing his hands together.

"Next stop, Mexico City!"

"Madrid, Mr. President."

"Whatever."

"What the heck is that thing?" Dubya asked, peering over the north shore.

"One of the Dutch warships, sir."

"That looks awfully heavy to be floating in the water," he said skeptically.

"The ship displaces water, allowing it to float."

"That thing wouldn't stand a chance against one of our good fashioned American galleys. Solid wood. That's what floats, boy. Yep -- our navy and what goes in the ol' crapper, that's what floats!"

Spoiler :

Willem declared war on Isabella in mid-round, seemingly out of nowhere ...

"General Petraeus reports that the siege of Madrid is about to begin!"

"Tell Dave I expect a full report and a case of Coronas on my desk tomorrow."

"Message from the Netherlands, sir," the aide said, handing him the official-looking envelope.

"Heck, last time I heard anything from my nether regions, I had to get a shot of penicillin ... lemme see here ... happy to inform you ... war over ... damn."

"What?" Big Dick asked.

"Izzy went and got herself a new man."

 

[D_almighty]

What a twist!

 

[PaulusIII]

Awww poor Dubya... forced to learn Liberalism.

Bad luck that Izzy decided to cap to Willem.

 

[semirami]

1800AD and you declare war with swordsmen and catapults

Great RPC, cant wait for the next round.

 

[Stewie0416]

I am so glad Bush can only serve 2 terms...

 

[Stewie0416]

( Insert Texas accent here)Mr.President, our intelligence leads us to believe that Suleiman may posses Free Attack Kill Emo WMDs, or FAKE WMDs. We believe that either a attack or a peace treaty must occur or else we will face an onslaught of missiles. We must begin modernization of our armed forces and prevent the spread of FAKE WMDs and we must invest heavily in our military, i also have a solution to those BLOAT people. The new armed forced will need target practice. Just say it was a intelligence mishap. Don't worry Mr.President, we will cover you completely.

Sincerely your intelligence officer,
Stewie0416

 

[vicawoo]

Your beakers per turn is jaw dropping. And good luck taking out someone with machine guns.

 

[Stewie0416]

Mr.President, don't listen to vicawoo, he obviously does not hav te american spirit. Our intelligence indicates tat if we can get ahold of som black stuf called "gunpowdr" we can overun anyon wit numbers and te American spirit. Don't worry, I'm sure the American people will smarten up wen te time is rite

Sincerely your intelligence officer
Stewie0416
(side note: In reality i kinda agree with vicawoo......)

 

[Daedal]

May I suggest WBing yourself a couple of nukes when things get really bad? Desperate times and all...

 

[Jerrymander]

May I suggest WBing yourself a couple of nukes when things get really bad? Desperate times and all...

No, he's not roleplaying North Korea.

 

[CCRunner]

I am so glad Bush can only serve 2 terms...

What are your talking about? This is Washington!

 

[Lekdevil.NL]

Dear Mr. President,

We, the League of Business Leaders Organized Against Taxation (BLOAT), must once again express our malcontent with the current state of affairs. As this hulking metal monstrosity anchored off our shores amply demonstrates, the proud enterprises of this great nation of ours have been unduly constrained by Big Government over the past centuries. Innovation and growth has suffered as a direct result of these egregious Federal policies, which seem to favor the lazy and the useless over our hard-working CEOs and business managers. We are speaking, of course, of these wretched corporate taxes that your government still insists burdening your loyal business community with.

The result, we are reluctant to say, can be seen floating right in front of us. A destroyer! Built by the Dutch, of all people! This pathetic nation -- if we can call it that, speck of dirt as it is on the map -- of peasants and potheads has beaten our renowned military-industrial complex not only in the Mace Race, but now in the War on Water as well!

We ask you why, Mr. President. Why do you continue to deny your loyal corporate base the profits and bonuses that they rightfully deserve? Have you forgotten all the lavish banquets we have thrown in your honor? Can't you recall all those celebrity dinners our community of business leaders has funded to praise you (not to mention the photo opportunities ensuing from these happenings)? Did it slip your mind where all those generous campaign contributions came from? In short, did you forget, Mr. President, who the people are that put you in office?

Indeed. It's time to show some gratitude, Mr. President. We, the League of BLOAT, strongly urge you to approve the following measures, showing yourself to be a true patriot and restoring the growth and prosperity of your leading corporations:

• abolishing all forms of corporate tax,
• repealing all labor laws, allowing us to finally use our (expendable) work force in any way we see fit,
• allowing our corporations direct access to the inner workings of the Department of Defense, in order to streamline the production and use of our great weapon systems (made in the USA),
• restricting the outdated and superfluous rights of free speech and due process, as these merely hamper the great work that our proud corporations are capable of doing for our nation, and finally:
• firing all air traffic controllers. Not that we have any air traffic yet, seeing that flight still has to be invented (thus proving our point), but when we do, they should be fired immediately.

Mr. President, it is time for bold moves and great leaps forward! Together, we can make our nation proud and strong again. The world shall once again tremble in fear of our tanks and Big Macs! It's your move, Mr. President.

Sincerely,
The League of BLOAT.

 

[CivCorpse]

I suggest going into WB and giving yourself 10000000000population and the UN. Then win by a rigged election. Wouldn't be the first time would it lil george?

 

[vicawoo]

No, George defies the UN

 

[Terrance888]

I burst my brains! This is FUNNY!

 

[Jerrymander]

I suggest going into WB and giving yourself 10000000000population and the UN. Then win by a rigged election. Wouldn't be the first time would it lil george?

No, it would be the first time. If I recall correctly, Gore was the one who cheated.

But, there's no point arguing about it, because it already happened.

 

[CivCorpse]

No, it would be the first time. If I recall correctly, Gore was the one who cheated.

But, there's no point arguing about it, because it already happened.

Maybe in fantasy land. But I spent 4 years in the USMC ensuring your right to free speech. So I guess I have to take the good with the bad. Thankfully we will be rid of the traitor-in-chief in just 5 1/2 short months....neither canidate for his replacement is all that great, but I'd rather have a blind penguin in the Oval office than the pile of crap we currently have.

 

[Jerrymander]

You know, you're the first serviceman I've heard that's anti-Bush. props!

 

[CivCorpse]

You know, you're the first serviceman I've heard that's anti-Bush. props!

LOL, enlarge your circle of aquaitances...there are a LARGE amount of us. A very large amount.

 

[ViaArete]

No, it would be the first time. If I recall correctly, Gore was the one who cheated.

FOX News was right!