Serial Monogamy

[BvBPL]

So how about it?

Serial monogamy is the exclusive dating of a single partner for a period of time. The serial aspect suggests multiple partners over time, but not contemporaneously. It doesn't necessarily imply that each relationship is expressly limited in time; many serial monogamist commit themselves to each other for an implicitly unbound time, "'till death do us part," or just until we get sick of each other.

Compare with monogamy where, perfectly, a person would have only one partner.

Contrast with polygamy where people have multiple partners contemporaneously. That that the temporal proximity does not imply anything thing at all about someone's commitment to others.

 

[Narz]

Tried it, its depressing. I'd rather have two or three girls on a rotation. If they're with another dude or two so be it, ideally a dude I know and actually like and I know isn't someone full of machismo or jealousy.

We'd have to have pretty tight boundaries beyond that to keep STDs out and if someone decided they wanted a baby we'd have to sort that out.

Serial monogamy as I imagine it is super sad, pretending each along the way to be your one & only & then discarding them in turn (or being discarded).

The whole one-man to one-woman is good to keep the social order because it's value system is that everyone should get to mate but realistically a quarter or more of all married people are barely mating anyway so it's a facade.

 

[Timsup2nothin]

I think that in most cases people aren't intentional about serial monogamy. It's just that as you say, monogamy performed imperfectly tends to work out that way.

Narz, I don't see anything sad about it. I live for today. Today I have a mate. If some future is coming along where the "relationship didn't work out" that's not really an issue that has any bearing today. Eventually I'll be dead, and so will she, so from the "future is coming" perspective no relationship lasts forever anyway, but that just demonstrates that the future has no bearing.

 

[BvBPL]

I think that in most cases people aren't intentional about serial monogamy. It's just that as you say, monogamy performed imperfectly tends to work out that way.

Well put.

 

[Valka D'Ur]

If you're not married or if you haven't made any explicit promises to your significant other, it hardly matters much, does it (though I would hope the people would treat each other with some measure of courtesy and respect).

However, my take on the issue of monogamy when the people in question are married is this: If you are married, that means you made vows and promises to honor those vows. If you intend to break those vows, have the decency to divorce before doing so. It makes you less of a liar and hypocrite.

 

[onejayhawk]

I'm not much good with monogamy. I only tried it once, about 25 years ago.

J

 

[Lohrenswald]

Doesn't monogamy mean one wife?
(Yes this is male-centric but)

 

[Narz]

INarz, I don't see anything sad about it. I live for today. Today I have a mate. If some future is coming along where the "relationship didn't work out" that's not really an issue that has any bearing today. Eventually I'll be dead, and so will she, so from the "future is coming" perspective no relationship lasts forever anyway, but that just demonstrates that the future has no bearing.

I don't think there's anything wrong with enjoying a monogamous relationship. From what I know about you you haven't lived the most traditional life & sort of found yourself in this mutually beneficial situation rather than idealized some perfect-married-life and chased after it.

I could see myself possibly in a situation like that someday but I'm not gonna bounce from one relationship to the next desperately seeking it out.

 

[onejayhawk]

Doesn't monogamy mean one wife?
(Yes this is male-centric but)

Not exactly. More like one commitment. One spouse would be the correct phrasing.

The way the idea of serial monogamy is off base is that monogamy means one commitment in a lifetime, literally while both live. Wolves and geese do it more consistently than humans.

J

 

[civvver]

Is there a question in the op somewhere?

 

[Borachio]

I just wait until someone tells me what to do.

Then I either do it willingly, do it unwillingly (and moan about it, at great length), or don't do it (and moan about it, at great length).

Then I wait for someone to tell me what to do again (and moan about waiting, at great length).

Still...

... it beats wandering the streets looking lost. (Another hobby of mine.)

 

[warpus]

Isn't this just monogamy?

Most monogamous people go through several monogamous relationships before they settle on "the one". No?

In my mind this would be like calling a vegetarian a "serial vegetarian", because they eat vegetarian food every day. But maybe I'm missing something.

 

[Synobun]

Isn't this just monogamy?

Most monogamous people go through several monogamous relationships before they settle on "the one". No?

In my mind this would be like calling a vegetarian a "serial vegetarian", because they eat vegetarian food every day. But maybe I'm missing something.

I assume it ties into the traditional assumption that kids were simply matched up by parents and they were forever stuck in the marriage unless someone committed a heinous "sin", in which case the faithful partner was absolved of the failure of a broken marriage. Typically the man gets the freebie instead of the woman, but still.

That isn't the case anymore. In today's world, I always took "serial monogamy" to mean someone who is constantly drifting from one "committed" relationship to another with no real... commitment. The person you know who goes through 6+ relationships a year and nothing lasts longer than a couple months, sometimes not more than a couple weeks. The person doesn't cheat and they don't flirt with other people, but they're a little more gung-ho about the idea of being in a relationship that they don't abide by the vetting process too much.

 

[warpus]

That sounds like plain ole monogamy to me. It would be very hard for me to find a person who's only been with 1 other person their entire lives, this sort of thing almost never happens anymore.

When most people say monogamy they mean: "You're with only one person at a time", and not "You're with only one person ever, forever."

 

[Timsup2nothin]

Isn't this just monogamy?

Most monogamous people go through several monogamous relationships before they settle on "the one". No?

In my mind this would be like calling a vegetarian a "serial vegetarian", because they eat vegetarian food every day. But maybe I'm missing something.

"Serial monogamy" was coined to distinguish from just sleeping around, or from being in that relationship you are sure is supposed to be the one. If you aren't thinking that you are necessarily in some lifelong commitment relationship, but you have one partner that you expect to be the only person you might sleep with, at least for now, that's serial monogamy.

I consider myself a serial monogomist, most of the time, because I've been in a number of committed relationships that have lasted for years. In between those I have sometimes been actively looking for the next one (which is still an aspect of serial monogamy), and sometimes I've just been a slut, and one time I was a celibate. The slut phase has never lasted very long...too much energy for not enough return. The celibate phase lasted until my sentence was completed, and wasn't a favorite.

 

[warpus]

Eh, it seems to me to be a mostly useless term, as most people are going to say "monogamous" and most other people are going to take that to mean "I am seeing one person right now and it's exclusive" and not "This is my life partner, i'm never sleeping with anyone else again"

Won't be easy to change people's perception and use of the term, especially when there's like almost nobody out there who only ever dates 1 person and nobody else, ever.

 

[Lohrenswald]

Not exactly. More like one commitment. One spouse would be the correct phrasing.

The way the idea of serial monogamy is off base is that monogamy means one commitment in a lifetime, literally while both live. Wolves and geese do it more consistently than humans.

J

I've never heard anyone claim monogamy means one spouse for life
Until now I guess

 

[warpus]

Yeah, I don't see it catching on. From my understanding most people where I live would assume the same.

 

[bhavv]

Actually kids being matched into monogamous marriages by their parents is still widely practiced in Islamic and Hindu cultures.

 

[Borachio]

I wouldn't be at all surprised if the cheating rate is pretty constant across nearly every human population and culture. (So much for monogamy.)

If I remember correctly, some sources say it's about 20%.

Or is it? I honestly can't remember.

(Why don't I do some research before I post things?)