Whosit here, writing in for Team Maple Sporks! We are one of two teams to go for the Cultural win, but didn't quite earn the Wooden Spoons.
The Maple Sporks began our epic quest by ascending the nearby plains hill to settle our capital, and, judging by the score spread, things just went down hill from there.
We made a point to explore our starting continent quickly, and ran into the Ethiopians. We boxed them in, which led to them becoming rather irrelevant down the road. We quickly placed troops in strategic locations to prevent barbarians from spawning, since we were building mainly warriors and Settlers, which tend to do poorly against well-equipped barbarians, or strong gusts of wind.
We did build Stonehenge to avoid spending hammers on monuments later, and then build the Pyramids to take advantage of Representation. The Oracle was soon completed in order to research Code of Laws and thus found Confucianism, and the Maple Sporks believed that they were well on their way to fulfilling the Goddess's directive. Little did they know that they were correct.
At this point, the Maple Sporks were still uncertain whether to try and pursue a world united through diplomacy or sheer cultural grandeur, so they attempted to run a middle course that would allow them to choose either when the picture became clearer. A Great Prophet (St. Peter, as it happens) was used to bulb Theology and found (Christianity), and the Apostolic Palace was built in Christianity as denial. Christianity was mainly a domestic religion, so the AP was removed as a global factor.
As it so happens, the Ethiopians built the Great Lighthouse. Based on my reading of other summaries, our failure to build or capture this wonder may have been an oversight.
The Maple Sporks' path towards culture became more clear as time went on. Philosophy was discovered by a Great Scientist (Taoism), and Music was researched and a Great Artist was secured. The choice was cinched when the Sistine Chapel was built.
Exploration of the sea became important. Ivory, Dye, and Silks had been located in the hands of the various other civilizations, but the Furs eluded the Team. Eventually, they were located on a remote island, in the grasp of heathen Barbarians. A military force was dispatched and quickly secured control of the holy land. From that point onward, the Maple Sporks made a great push to achieving cultural victory as quickly as possible, spreading our religions in order to unlock the cathedrals for our cultural cities.
As the victory date inched closer, the decision was made to secure our other necessary resources more definitely. Some we could receive in trade, but the AI who controlled the Silk, Dye, and Ivory did not like us very much. Spain and the Ottomans made unreliable trade partners, and it would not do to have them cancel deals right before our victory date. Therefore, a cunning plan was devised. A great amphibious force was created, and waited near the coasts of key AI cities.
Using our two war declarations, we attacked Spain and the Ottomans at once. We razed the cities that controlled the three resources, and used our own settles to settle on top of each resource, thereby giving us absolute control of these critical items to clothe the Goddess when she appeared. After that, it was simply a matter of waiting.
Due to the excellent micromanagement of the team, all three of our cities became Legendary on the same turn, and we secured victory! Hurray!
I was expecting some major challenge. Anyways excellent job SGOTM staff. Thank you.
I had interpreted the comment about terrible barbs as as least a couple of rifles.
