The lamest jokes you can think of....... II

[Arakhor]

My wife threatened to leave me if i did not get over my obsession with the band The Monkees. I thought she was bluffing, but then I saw her face.

 

[Mise]

I love jokes like that

 

[Arakhor]

I thought it was so funny when I came across it that I had to share it at once.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

Now I'm a believer.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

What do you get when you cross a sheep, a llama and an Avon lady?

A ramallama-ding-dong.

 

[Arakhor]

That is indeed lame.

 

[TheMulattoMaker]

That is indeed lame.

*llame.

 

[Fr8monkey]

Jesus walks into a restaurant and says to the Maitre'd "Table for 26 please"

Confused, the Maitre'd does a quick head count, and says "But there are only 13 of you."

Jesus replies "Yes, but we are all going to sit on the same side"

 

[Arakhor]

I joined the Badger of the Month Club, but it takes ages to get the full sett.

 

[SS-18 ICBM]

What's the biggest advantage of living in Switzerland?

Not sure, but the flag's a big plus.

 

[caketastydelish]

What would it be called it NASCAR and Formula 1 merged?

Spoiler :

Inter-racial marriage.

 

[Cutlass]

 

[Arakhor]

I saw a sports car being driven by a scantily clad sheep. It was a lamb bikini.

There has been an outbreak of bovine novovirus in Austria. The hills are alive, with the sound of moo sick.

 

[Cutlass]

 

[Uncle Sparky]

I grew up in a town called Viagra... it was a hard life.

 

[Arakhor]

What's the difference between a bus-stop made of bread and a lobster with breast implants? One's a crusty bus station and the other's a busty crustacean.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

I grew up in a town called Viagra... it was a hard life.

... and you had to seek medical help every 4 hours.

 

[Arakhor]

I dreamed about drowning in a fizzy orange ocean last night. It took me a while to work out it wasn't real life, but just Fanta sea.

 

[plarq]

A girl had a one-night-stand and felt uncomfortable several days later, she went to clinic and was diagnosed with AIDS. Desperate and angry, she decided to spread the disease by having more one-night-stands. Two month later, she went to the clinic to check again, the doctor said, "Good news, the first diagnosis is false positive; bad news, now you really have AIDS!"

 

[Uncle Sparky]

Where do animals go if they lose their tails?
A retail store.