The Shiji, Book Three: Vegetarian Vengeance

I finished reading Project Kaguya yesterday. Keep the stories coming!
 
I just finished Kaguya today. And yes, keep the story going, it's been [almost] two weeks since the last chapter.
 
I am afraid our friend Sima is too busy to attend to this matter. :(
 
Oh Grand Historian, where art thou?
 
Even such a distinguished historian as yourself must realise the danger of allowing the masses to go unentertained. Civil disorder may be the result. This should serve as a warning, even the wise can learn a lesson.
 
Chapter 2: The Imperator Who Was Full of Baloney



What with our hooks, snares, nets, and dogs, we are at war with all living creatures, and nothing comes amiss but that which is either too cheap or too common; and all this is to gratify a fantastical palate.

Seneca the Younger (5 B.C. - A.D. 65)​

Jawaharlal Nehru gently wiped off the empty shelves at the Delhi Public Library, quite annoyed with the amount of dust that had accumulated. Aside from compilations of ancient Indian legends and folk tales, and a number of religious texts, there was surprising little to be found in the library's collection at this time. Nehru came across a copy of his own nonfiction historical worke, the Discovery of India, but that was not what he was looking for. Frustrated, he asked the librarian if there was any place he could find some scientific papers, particularly those relating to metal working and map making, but the only response he got was a blank stare.

The Delhi Public Library was clearly underfunded. Gandhi had shown only minimal interest in subsidizing research, instead focusing on accumulating a national treasury that would provide "a cushion in the time of crisis." Perhaps there was some of the Mahatma's wisdom in that policy, thought Nehru, but why have a library at all in that case? It would just cost upkeep, without generating any substantial benefit.

"It's the culture, stupid." That was what Gandhi had said the last time he had brought up the question, but Nehru wasn't convinced. Sure, culture could push the influence of India far and wide, but it certainly wasn't going to make the country strong overnight. He warned Gandhi that there were more pressing issues at hand, such as exploration and maintaing a standing army, but instead of listening to his advice, the Mahatma instead devoted all his attention to the construction of the Great Library, insisting that it would make Delhi a wonder of the world. In the meantime, he also ordered construction of libraries in Mumbai and Kolkata, despite objections from the local governors that their cities were still undefended.

Little did they know that they would soon be rudely awakened by a completely foreign diversion. Reports came in from the south, near the Great Watering Hole of the elephants, telling of a strange band of warriors wearing flashy red uniforms who were wandering around the countryside. The elephants did not seem to mind the new visitors, but this was startling news to Gandhi. For the first time, he learned that the people of India were not the only great civilization in this world.

These red-clad warriors served under the banner of Julius Caesar, the illustrious Imperator of Rome. At first sight Gandhi decided that he did not like Caesar, and Nehru privately joked that Caesar's hair gel must have somehow seeped into his brain. The Roman leader was arrogant to the point of having delusions of grandeur. Caesar spoke of the world as though all of it belonged to Rome, and showed off his lavish garments that were colored with Roman dyes. But, citing complications in setting up a trade route, he refused to export any of those dyes to India. Nehru, hearing of this, thought it was a poor excuse, although it was true that there were not yet any roads leading from India to Rome.

When Gandhi felt the dialogue was over, he offered to escort the Romans back to their homeland, only to find that Caesar and his warriors would not move. Clearly they had something more to say.

"You mean you are going to send us away without a gift?" asked the Imperator. "Every tribe we have met so far has offered us the riches from their villages, so why aren't you doing so too? Give us ceremonial burial, and we will forgive you for your insolence."


"Don't listen to him," whispered Nehru in Gandhi's ear. "I think he's bluffing."

Gandhi thought for a moment, then responded, "That would not be fair to the Indian people. If you were to offer something in exchange, I would give it some consideration."

"You will give it your consideration now, on my terms only," snapped Caesar. "Face the facts: Rome is superior. It is in your best interest to agree to our demands." As if to appear more threatening, he motioned to the men behind him, who raised their axes as though ready for battle.

Gandhi was not the least bit afraid of this ragged band of Roman warriors, but he was uncertain of whether or not Caesar had other reinforcements on their way. After all, if this was the starting point of a full-scale invasion, he knew that the Indian military was quite unprepared. So he waited for a moment, carefully listening for any distant footsteps, but heard none. The Roman leader glared at him, expecting a response.

Somewhat reassured that the group before him was all he had to face, Gandhi said, "That is no way you should be talking with the friendly nation of India. We will not give in to your outrageous demands."

Caesar was taken aback by this sudden refusal. Never before had any foreigner stood up to him, and suddenly he realized that this Gandhi was much stronger than he looked. Embarrassed, he made one last empty threat before going away.


The Romans had left, but after this encounter Gandhi realized that he could not afford to neglect the safety of his people any longer. "You were right," he said to Nehru. "I shall now order the library buildings we have started to be converted into barracks instead, for the next time the Romans come to insult us, we shall be fully prepared." The order was carried out in each city except for Delhi, which had progressed far enough on construction of the Great Library that it was too late to turn back.

It was also at this point that Gandhi found another location that was perfect for building a new city. Here, at the southern extreme of India, was a narrow land bridge that led to Rome, and he decided that this strategic location must be seized before Caesar could claim it. A barbarian camp, however, was already at the site, and Indian warriors had to disperse them before the new settlers arrived to found Madurai.


And there was room for one more city in the north, opposite the direction of the Romans. The land was poor, but Gandhi could not think of any reason not to build a new city, and thus Jaipur was founded.


The new cities, however, had scarcely enough time to grow when Caesar showed up again in the year 750 BC. This time, however, he had learned his lesson and was not so bold as to threaten India. Instead, the Romans had mastered the technique of map making, and were willing to show their maps to Gandhi for a price.

Gandhi was curious to see what the Roman lands were like, so he agreed to a trade where the Romans would teach the techniques of bronze working and masonry to the Indians, while the Imperator finally got the Indian secret of ceremonial burial that he had unsuccessfully demanded before. "I told you the gold would come in handy one day," he remarked to Nehru. "See, look at what we have learned now."


Just then, Caesar pulled out a sandwich and started munching it loudly. Gandhi was not happy with his poor table manners, but he was in no mood to comment about that. Instead, he looked carefully at the sandwich. Between two pieces of bread, Caesar was eating lettuce, tomatoes, pickles, and a suspicious red slice of what he instantly knew had to be meat.

"What is that?" he asked, pointing at the sandwich.

"Mmmmrffff, what?" Caesar's mouth was still full, and he did not like to be interrupted while enjoying his food.

"That red thing. What is it made from?"

"Oh, that is bologna. It is a sliced Romans sausage made from a mix of beef and pork, and it is truly delicious. Would you like to try some?"

Beef and pork. Gandhi had heard of these terms before, they referred to the meat from slaughtered cows and pigs. Immediately he flew into a rage, shouting, "You heartless butcher! How dare you make war upon those unfortunate animals!"

Before the startled Caesar could even respond, Gandhi had snatched up the Roman map, and pointed an accusing finger at a tile near the cities of Antium and Veii. "Look at this, you have violated the sacred lands of the cattle! This is unforgivable!"


Nehru was going to suggest that India should at least acquire knowledge of iron working before pursuing any further action, but Gandhi would not hear of it. In a fit of fury, he shoved Caesar out of the way and delivered the message to his troops: war had been declared.

And thus the Indo-Roman War began, all because of the contents of Caesar's sandwich. Gandhi was certainly glad he had listened to Nehru's advice and built barracks, as now each city could dispatch experienced archers and spearmen to the Roman border. They met with stiff resistance, as the Romans were also seasoned fighters who had far more combat experience than the Indians. The first Indian spearmen were shocked by the deadly charges made by Roman horsemen, and after losing a few early battles they retreated to a defensive position on the mountains south of Madurai.

Here the war became a stalemate, as the Romans could not break through the Indian defenses, while the Indians were not yet ready to launch another attack. The Indian cities continued to train archer after archer, hoping to gather enough forces to overwhelm the entire Roman military at once. "This is the tactical mistake that Caesar keeps making," commented Nehru. "The Romans keep attacking a little at a time, and each time we defeat them. When it is our turn, we will have to be unstoppable."

In the meantime, before either side had any success, construction of the Great Library was complete. A brief celebration was held in Delhi, but it was really quite meaningless as the Great Library had a collection of books even smaller than that of the Delhi Public Library. The only noticeable difference was that it was housed in a much fancier building.


"What?!" exclaimed a surprised Gandhi. "I thought we would be able to collect all the world's knowledge in the Great Library! How could we get nothing for all our efforts?"

"Too early to say that," said Nehru. "Let us wait until we meet another tribe, for I believe it is not just the Romans and ourselves who inhabit this world."

He was right. It is not known how this information reached Delhi, but news steadily trickled in of developments in faraway lands, the realm of unknown civilizations.


"What a pity that we do not know of these other people yet," said Gandhi. But as the war with Rome continued, he could not spare any time or resources to attempt to make contact. All he could do was to have India's own scientists work as hard as they could on the topics of iron working and map making.

Finally the tide began to turn. Indian archers had cleared out a swath of land east of Rome that was now safe for settlement. A few intrepid settlers built the city of Kanpur there, where it would become the new base of operations in the Indo-Roman War. Caesar tried repeatedly to send forces to capture the city, but the Indian defenders repulsed them every time.


"Unbelievable!" screamed the Imperator. "That is Roman land, how dare they build a city there!" But the Roman troops were exhausted after all their failed attacks. A steady stream of Indian archers continued to pour across the isthmus of Madurai, and before he knew it, Caesar found his own cities under attack.

The first to fall was Antium, on a hill across the river from a wheat farm. Gandhi had ordered Antium to be destroyed, for it was in that city that cattle had been slaughtered purely for the pleasure of Caesar's palate. Never again would he allow the Romans to abuse the sacred herd.


Near the ruins of Antium, the Indians would found the city of Agra, guarding a strategic mountain pass that cut off the eastern half of the Roman empire from the rest. There they seized control of the wheat fields, and when scientists back at Delhi had finally discovered iron working, they found iron deposits in the mountains right outside Agra's borders.


Despite how much he hated the loss of human life, Gandhi was satisfied with the victories of his men. Roman troops tried in vain to push back the Indian offensive, but they met with a swift demise. In addition, the workers and settlers whom they were escorting were taken as prisoners of war, and in exchange for their lives they pledged their service to India.

"Caesar, your days are numbered," the Mahatma declared. "The avenging vegetarian forces of India shall soon be on your doorstep."

... to be continued
 
Great Update Sima! Pity about the sandwhich, still not as bad as in the Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy.

'I seem to be having this tremendous difficulty with my lifestyle...'
 
I thought the cause of WW1 pointless....
 
Finally! We were almost going to go into civil disorder.
Was Antium the only offending city in Roman territory?
 
Yeah. Too bad ceaser ate meat. I hope no other civ has an offending resource, or this could easily become an AW game. Hey! I just thought of something. What if an AI builds a city on top of an offending resource? That way, there will be no way to know that it's offending. Just Hope the Son of Heaven can't figure that out.
 
choxorn said:
Yeah. Too bad ceaser ate meat. I hope no other civ has an offending resource, or this could easily become an AW game. Hey! I just thought of something. What if an AI builds a city on top of an offending resource? That way, there will be no way to know that it's offending. Just Hope the Son of Heaven can't figure that out.

The Son of Heaven knows how to use a clean map (ctrl-shft-M) to see all bonus resources.
 
Oh, right. Silly me. :crazyeye:
 
Ahh, so I'm receiving demands for a world map. Since I'm such a wimp, I'll cave.



As you can see, Veii needs to be razed because of the cow, Neapolis needs to be razed because of the fish, and the other city in the east needs to be razed because of the deer.

Culture graph:



2098 culture at 300 AD. Only 98k more to go!
 
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