Marsden said:
Apparently, this was not as bad as first thought. Luckily, the Romans were more concerned with lunch meat than legions. They had iron available but did not connect it, very foolish.
The Shiji, Book Three: Vegetarian Vengeance
- Thread starter Sima Qian
- Start date
Apparently, this was not as bad as first thought. Luckily, the Romans were more concerned with lunch meat than legions. They had iron available but did not connect it, very foolish.
Mirc
Not mIRC!!!
Great update!
carmen510
Deity
Anyone know where Sima Quian is? I need an update. It's not like him to do this.
Slaughter
Paladin
Man, I love 'dis story... Shame it's so slow... Ah, but anyways, strange war huh? Just because Caesar had a Sandwich... Uh-oh, iif I become the Brazilian president, better don't eat meat near the Indian Presidente... He may get very angry and declare war... ****, and they words are backed by NUCLEAR WEAPONS!
carmen510
Deity
Ya, but did you see Chief Tupacwatha's Great Adventure?
Desertsnow
πr²
- Joined
- Dec 13, 2004
- Messages
- 1,794
I should have started reading this thread earlier. :f 
Sima Qian
太史令
- Joined
- Jan 5, 2006
- Messages
- 732
Chapter 3: Caesar's Salad
But what pleasure can it possibly be to a man of culture... when a splendid beast is transfixed with a hunting spear?
Cicero (106-43 B.C.)
After the destruction of Antium, the Indian forces could easily have marched on Rome itself, but Mahatma Gandhi had other priorities. He wanted to put an end to the cruelty the Romans had inflicted upon their cattle, but the meat consumed by the Romans were not from the vicinity of their capital. Instead, most of it was prepared and packaged in the slaughterhouses of Veii and Antium, and while the settlement at Antium had already been dispersed, the atrocities continued uninterrupted in Veii.
Veii was home to a large number of a Roman minority group known as the Hebrews, a people who practiced the strange tradition of having their religious leaders oversee the meat preparation process. In order to receive their approval, designated by the word kosher, meat vendors had to adhere to strict rules regarding the kinds of animals they killed, the portions that made it into the final product, the cleanliness of their tools and slaughterhouses, and a number of other restrictions written in one of their holy books, Leviticus. As a result, the kosher food exported from Veii included the most expensive and highest quality meats eaten by the upper-class Roman patricians, and frequently made their way to the plate of Julius Caesar himself.
But Gandhi knew better than to be swayed by these deceptive practices of the Hebrews. "No matter how they try to make the process a ritual," he declared, "the very act of killing animals is wrong!" He would not accept any excuse that attempted to justify the process. There was only one course of action he had in mind: the slaughterhouses of Veii would have to be shut down immediately.
The Mahatma was aware that Veii would be a tougher nut to crack than Antium. The city was not just some cattle rancher's rural outpost, but in fact the most populous in the Roman Empire at the time. And so the archers that were assigned this task would appropriately be the best-trained in all of India, experienced troops that had many victories under their belts and commanded by an able leader. In fact, an extremely talented leader...
If there was one person who could spread fear among the citizens of Veii, it was Chandragupta Maurya. Facing an endless torrent of arrows, the Hebrew butchers could only cry out in horror as the Indians under Chandragupta advanced into their city. Every slaughterhouse was burned, every meat market was torn down, and all workers in the meat packaging industry were taken as prisoners. They were sent back to Agra and Kanpur, where they were sentenced to a lifetime of community service for their sins. By the end of the Battle of Veii, the city's primary industry had been completely destroyed, and there was no reason for the citizens to continue living there.
The fall of Veii meant that not a tiny scrap of beef would ever again enter Caesar's mouth, but it was not yet the end of the Romans' inhumane behavior. Further to the east, Indian archers discovered a settlement at Ravenna, right outside a forest where the Romans hunted deer and other game. Gandhi was shocked to learn that often these hunting parties would kill these poor animals purely for recreation, leaving their carcasses in the forest to be carried away by the vultures. "What heartless scoundrels these Romans are!" he shouted. "They must be brought down before heavenly justice!" And so the Indian military did his bidding.
"Victory is ours," reported Chandragupta from the front lines. "Ravenna is no more." But Foreign Minister Jawaharlal Nehru pointed out that even though the battle was over, the war was still far from won. "Not so fast," he said. "I believe the Romans have simply migrated elsewhere in hopes of fulfilling their misguided hunting pleasures. Were there any prisoners taken at Ravenna?"
"None. We noticed a few Romans fleeing toward the south, but we did not have the time to pursue them." Further to the south was a cold wasteland, and Nehru was almost certain that there was nothing of interest there, but Gandhi instinctively felt that the Romans could not be up to any good. Chandragupta proceeded to investigate, and sure enough, the Indians soon spotted smoke rising from the rooftops of another Roman settlement. This was Hispalis, built upon the frozen tundra of the south, inhabited by some Romans who felt justified in calling themselves Spaniards, as they were quite far from the capital. They barely survived on a meager food supply of wild grasses, pine needles, and caribou.
Gandhi had never heard of caribou before, but upon learning that these were graceful deer-like creatures that dwelt in the pine forests around Hispalis, he instantly changed his mind about the Spaniards. "Clearly they have not learned anything from the people of Veii and Ravenna. We will give them what they deserve."
There was nothing left in this remote corner of the world, and Chandragupta's men were growing weary of the struggle. Most of them had grown up around the warm jungle and grasslands of central India, and were quite unprepared for the harsh weather in the southern tundra. Still, they found some hope in knowing that their job was almost done.
In Delhi, Nehru showed Gandhi the updated map of the world. "There is only one city left where we can confirm that non-vegetarians still live," he announced.
"Where would that be?" asked the Mahatma while pointing at various locations on the map. "This here is Pompeii, and that is Pisae. Those citizens have already adopted the vegetarian ways."
"Far out in the west, beyond the site of what was once Veii. It is the port of Neapolis, a place where the Romans catch fish along the shore, and then fry or bake them whole before eating them. A most horrendous way for those unfortunate sea creatures to die, slowly roasted to death while gasping for breath."
"I have also heard that Caesar has now added much more seafood to his diet," remarked Gandhi. "We must cut him off from that supply of fish."
It took quite a while for the Indian military to reach the hills overlooking Neapolis, but because of the remote location, the Romans had not built much infrastructure there, and Caesar had still been giving out pointless orders to attack Agra and Kanpur that his commanders evaded without difficulty. Thus the battle that ensued was a surprisingly easy victory for India, and upon entering the city the fishing wharf and seafood markets were dismantled. Like the meat packers of Veii, the fishermen of Neapolis were also punished with a lifetime of service to the vegetarian Indian people.
The final objective of the Indo-Roman War had now been met. Chandragupta, leading his men on a march toward Rome, at last forced the Imperator to grant him an audience. Julius Caesar promised to serve a vegetarian meal and invited the Indian leader into his palace. "Here, try some of this salad," he said. "I made it myself."
"We come to seize your salad, not to praise it!" shouted Chandragupta. With a quick motion of his hand, the Indian soldiers behind him snatched up the plates and examined them carefully. One of them tossed the salad around with a fork, and presented it to Chandragupta.
"No meat." The soldier then proceeded to help himself to a morsel, as he was quite hungry after the long march to Rome. Seeing this example, many others among Chandragupta's men decided to do the same.
Just then the main Indian delegation arrived, with Nehru leading the negotiations. The Indian minister looked at the troops eating Caesar's salad, and frowned. "Do you know what that smelly yellow stuff in that salad is?" he asked.
"I haven't the slightest clue," replied Chandragupta. "It's not meat, so perhaps it is some kind of soybean extract?"
"Soybeans?" interrupted Caesar. "No, no, this is cheese, made from the finest curdled milk of the Roman cattle. Try some, will you?" He held out a plate, beckoning Nehru.
A loud clang echoed through the room, causing everyone to freeze. Nehru had thrown the plate on the floor, leaving lettuce, tomatoes, olives, and cheese scattered all over the room. "You call this vegetarian?" he shouted. "How dare you put animal products inside your salad and still call it a vegetarian meal!"
"Okay okay, I'm sorry," said Caesar. "Please, don't make a big deal out of this. I will have my cooks prepare more without the cheese. We don't even have any more of it, in fact; this cheese was made from last year's milk." Upon hearing this, several of the Indian men vomited, attempting to rid themselves of the sickening dairy product.
Nehru was not interested in any more of Caesar's disgusting food. "I have no time for joking around like this," he snapped. "We have come to give Rome one last chance for survival. Agree to our terms for peace, or else your people will suffer far more than having to eat their vegetables."
Thus, in the year 460 AD, the Treaty of Rome brought an end to the Indo-Roman War. The Romans handed over control of the cities of Pisae and Pompeii, along with a number of their technologies and some gold. But most importantly, Caesar swore on behalf of the Roman people to never consume a single mouthful of meat, fish, or other animal product ever again. Minister Nehru returned to Delhi, bringing the news of triumph to a joyous Gandhi.
Chandragupta, on the other hand, was disgraced. He accepted full responsibility for the poor conduct of his men at Caesar's palace, and made a solemn vow of sallekhana to atone for his wrongs. Returning to his headquarters at Agra, he locked himself in the temple, where he sat in meditation day and night, rejecting every visitor and refusing to eat or drink. For weeks he fasted in isolation, hoping that the heavens would forgive him.
On the forty-ninth day of the ritual, a passersby was shocked to find the temple gates thrown wide open, but Chandragupta was nowhere to be found. All that remained was a stone tablet with a few words of wisdom inscribed upon it:
Neither by action, by speech, or by thought, shall you
Do injury yourself, cause others to injure, or approve of injury done by others
In later years, the people of Agra built a magnificent palace to honor the commitment and sacrifices that Chandragupta had made. Gandhi, Nehru, and the other leaders of India regularly came to visit and pay their respects, and the palace soon became well known as a second center of India.
Despite the passing of Chandragupta Maurya, the new era of peace was a time of growth and rebuilding for India. Settlers built new cities to fill in the empty lands that had been home to the once-depraved Romans, and the Indians were careful to avoid the hunting and fishing grounds that had corrupted the previous inhabitants. The first among these was Nagpur, built on a hill overlooking the eastern sea.
Pisae and Pompeii, the cities that Caesar had given to India in the Treaty of Rome, were populated with vegetarians, but Gandhi felt they were not in good positions for growth. He asked their citizens to relocate to the new settlements, as well as work the land to make it more fertile and productive. When they were done, some of them settled in a new city and named it Bhopal.
The Romans did not send out any new settlers during this time, as Caesar was still trying to recover from his most recent defeat. Yet once again news from a distant land reminded Gandhi that it was not just the Romans whom he had to worry about. Another of the Great Wonders had been constructed, and he hadn't the slightest clue what it looked like.
Still, there was the point at the far west of the continent where Neapolis had once stood, at the very edge of the known world. The location was too good for Gandhi to pass up, although the city site had to be moved further inland so as to avoid accidentally harming the offshore fish community. On a nearby hill the Indians built the city of Pune, taking advantage of a defensive position against attacks from both land and sea.
It was these first settlers at Pune that noticed a group of foreigners debarking from a small boat that had carried them here from the across the sea. They were fair-skinned like the Romans but they were clad in light blue instead of the Roman red. They spoke a language that sounded somewhat like the Latin that Caesar spoke, but many of the words sounded quite unfamiliar. Gandhi wondered who these new visitors were, and whether they came as friends... or as foes...
But what pleasure can it possibly be to a man of culture... when a splendid beast is transfixed with a hunting spear?
Cicero (106-43 B.C.)
After the destruction of Antium, the Indian forces could easily have marched on Rome itself, but Mahatma Gandhi had other priorities. He wanted to put an end to the cruelty the Romans had inflicted upon their cattle, but the meat consumed by the Romans were not from the vicinity of their capital. Instead, most of it was prepared and packaged in the slaughterhouses of Veii and Antium, and while the settlement at Antium had already been dispersed, the atrocities continued uninterrupted in Veii.
Veii was home to a large number of a Roman minority group known as the Hebrews, a people who practiced the strange tradition of having their religious leaders oversee the meat preparation process. In order to receive their approval, designated by the word kosher, meat vendors had to adhere to strict rules regarding the kinds of animals they killed, the portions that made it into the final product, the cleanliness of their tools and slaughterhouses, and a number of other restrictions written in one of their holy books, Leviticus. As a result, the kosher food exported from Veii included the most expensive and highest quality meats eaten by the upper-class Roman patricians, and frequently made their way to the plate of Julius Caesar himself.
But Gandhi knew better than to be swayed by these deceptive practices of the Hebrews. "No matter how they try to make the process a ritual," he declared, "the very act of killing animals is wrong!" He would not accept any excuse that attempted to justify the process. There was only one course of action he had in mind: the slaughterhouses of Veii would have to be shut down immediately.
The Mahatma was aware that Veii would be a tougher nut to crack than Antium. The city was not just some cattle rancher's rural outpost, but in fact the most populous in the Roman Empire at the time. And so the archers that were assigned this task would appropriately be the best-trained in all of India, experienced troops that had many victories under their belts and commanded by an able leader. In fact, an extremely talented leader...
If there was one person who could spread fear among the citizens of Veii, it was Chandragupta Maurya. Facing an endless torrent of arrows, the Hebrew butchers could only cry out in horror as the Indians under Chandragupta advanced into their city. Every slaughterhouse was burned, every meat market was torn down, and all workers in the meat packaging industry were taken as prisoners. They were sent back to Agra and Kanpur, where they were sentenced to a lifetime of community service for their sins. By the end of the Battle of Veii, the city's primary industry had been completely destroyed, and there was no reason for the citizens to continue living there.
The fall of Veii meant that not a tiny scrap of beef would ever again enter Caesar's mouth, but it was not yet the end of the Romans' inhumane behavior. Further to the east, Indian archers discovered a settlement at Ravenna, right outside a forest where the Romans hunted deer and other game. Gandhi was shocked to learn that often these hunting parties would kill these poor animals purely for recreation, leaving their carcasses in the forest to be carried away by the vultures. "What heartless scoundrels these Romans are!" he shouted. "They must be brought down before heavenly justice!" And so the Indian military did his bidding.
"Victory is ours," reported Chandragupta from the front lines. "Ravenna is no more." But Foreign Minister Jawaharlal Nehru pointed out that even though the battle was over, the war was still far from won. "Not so fast," he said. "I believe the Romans have simply migrated elsewhere in hopes of fulfilling their misguided hunting pleasures. Were there any prisoners taken at Ravenna?"
"None. We noticed a few Romans fleeing toward the south, but we did not have the time to pursue them." Further to the south was a cold wasteland, and Nehru was almost certain that there was nothing of interest there, but Gandhi instinctively felt that the Romans could not be up to any good. Chandragupta proceeded to investigate, and sure enough, the Indians soon spotted smoke rising from the rooftops of another Roman settlement. This was Hispalis, built upon the frozen tundra of the south, inhabited by some Romans who felt justified in calling themselves Spaniards, as they were quite far from the capital. They barely survived on a meager food supply of wild grasses, pine needles, and caribou.
Gandhi had never heard of caribou before, but upon learning that these were graceful deer-like creatures that dwelt in the pine forests around Hispalis, he instantly changed his mind about the Spaniards. "Clearly they have not learned anything from the people of Veii and Ravenna. We will give them what they deserve."
There was nothing left in this remote corner of the world, and Chandragupta's men were growing weary of the struggle. Most of them had grown up around the warm jungle and grasslands of central India, and were quite unprepared for the harsh weather in the southern tundra. Still, they found some hope in knowing that their job was almost done.
In Delhi, Nehru showed Gandhi the updated map of the world. "There is only one city left where we can confirm that non-vegetarians still live," he announced.
"Where would that be?" asked the Mahatma while pointing at various locations on the map. "This here is Pompeii, and that is Pisae. Those citizens have already adopted the vegetarian ways."
"Far out in the west, beyond the site of what was once Veii. It is the port of Neapolis, a place where the Romans catch fish along the shore, and then fry or bake them whole before eating them. A most horrendous way for those unfortunate sea creatures to die, slowly roasted to death while gasping for breath."
"I have also heard that Caesar has now added much more seafood to his diet," remarked Gandhi. "We must cut him off from that supply of fish."
It took quite a while for the Indian military to reach the hills overlooking Neapolis, but because of the remote location, the Romans had not built much infrastructure there, and Caesar had still been giving out pointless orders to attack Agra and Kanpur that his commanders evaded without difficulty. Thus the battle that ensued was a surprisingly easy victory for India, and upon entering the city the fishing wharf and seafood markets were dismantled. Like the meat packers of Veii, the fishermen of Neapolis were also punished with a lifetime of service to the vegetarian Indian people.
The final objective of the Indo-Roman War had now been met. Chandragupta, leading his men on a march toward Rome, at last forced the Imperator to grant him an audience. Julius Caesar promised to serve a vegetarian meal and invited the Indian leader into his palace. "Here, try some of this salad," he said. "I made it myself."
"We come to seize your salad, not to praise it!" shouted Chandragupta. With a quick motion of his hand, the Indian soldiers behind him snatched up the plates and examined them carefully. One of them tossed the salad around with a fork, and presented it to Chandragupta.
"No meat." The soldier then proceeded to help himself to a morsel, as he was quite hungry after the long march to Rome. Seeing this example, many others among Chandragupta's men decided to do the same.
Just then the main Indian delegation arrived, with Nehru leading the negotiations. The Indian minister looked at the troops eating Caesar's salad, and frowned. "Do you know what that smelly yellow stuff in that salad is?" he asked.
"I haven't the slightest clue," replied Chandragupta. "It's not meat, so perhaps it is some kind of soybean extract?"
"Soybeans?" interrupted Caesar. "No, no, this is cheese, made from the finest curdled milk of the Roman cattle. Try some, will you?" He held out a plate, beckoning Nehru.
A loud clang echoed through the room, causing everyone to freeze. Nehru had thrown the plate on the floor, leaving lettuce, tomatoes, olives, and cheese scattered all over the room. "You call this vegetarian?" he shouted. "How dare you put animal products inside your salad and still call it a vegetarian meal!"
"Okay okay, I'm sorry," said Caesar. "Please, don't make a big deal out of this. I will have my cooks prepare more without the cheese. We don't even have any more of it, in fact; this cheese was made from last year's milk." Upon hearing this, several of the Indian men vomited, attempting to rid themselves of the sickening dairy product.
Nehru was not interested in any more of Caesar's disgusting food. "I have no time for joking around like this," he snapped. "We have come to give Rome one last chance for survival. Agree to our terms for peace, or else your people will suffer far more than having to eat their vegetables."
Thus, in the year 460 AD, the Treaty of Rome brought an end to the Indo-Roman War. The Romans handed over control of the cities of Pisae and Pompeii, along with a number of their technologies and some gold. But most importantly, Caesar swore on behalf of the Roman people to never consume a single mouthful of meat, fish, or other animal product ever again. Minister Nehru returned to Delhi, bringing the news of triumph to a joyous Gandhi.
Chandragupta, on the other hand, was disgraced. He accepted full responsibility for the poor conduct of his men at Caesar's palace, and made a solemn vow of sallekhana to atone for his wrongs. Returning to his headquarters at Agra, he locked himself in the temple, where he sat in meditation day and night, rejecting every visitor and refusing to eat or drink. For weeks he fasted in isolation, hoping that the heavens would forgive him.
On the forty-ninth day of the ritual, a passersby was shocked to find the temple gates thrown wide open, but Chandragupta was nowhere to be found. All that remained was a stone tablet with a few words of wisdom inscribed upon it:
Neither by action, by speech, or by thought, shall you
Do injury yourself, cause others to injure, or approve of injury done by others
In later years, the people of Agra built a magnificent palace to honor the commitment and sacrifices that Chandragupta had made. Gandhi, Nehru, and the other leaders of India regularly came to visit and pay their respects, and the palace soon became well known as a second center of India.
Despite the passing of Chandragupta Maurya, the new era of peace was a time of growth and rebuilding for India. Settlers built new cities to fill in the empty lands that had been home to the once-depraved Romans, and the Indians were careful to avoid the hunting and fishing grounds that had corrupted the previous inhabitants. The first among these was Nagpur, built on a hill overlooking the eastern sea.
Pisae and Pompeii, the cities that Caesar had given to India in the Treaty of Rome, were populated with vegetarians, but Gandhi felt they were not in good positions for growth. He asked their citizens to relocate to the new settlements, as well as work the land to make it more fertile and productive. When they were done, some of them settled in a new city and named it Bhopal.
The Romans did not send out any new settlers during this time, as Caesar was still trying to recover from his most recent defeat. Yet once again news from a distant land reminded Gandhi that it was not just the Romans whom he had to worry about. Another of the Great Wonders had been constructed, and he hadn't the slightest clue what it looked like.
Still, there was the point at the far west of the continent where Neapolis had once stood, at the very edge of the known world. The location was too good for Gandhi to pass up, although the city site had to be moved further inland so as to avoid accidentally harming the offshore fish community. On a nearby hill the Indians built the city of Pune, taking advantage of a defensive position against attacks from both land and sea.
It was these first settlers at Pune that noticed a group of foreigners debarking from a small boat that had carried them here from the across the sea. They were fair-skinned like the Romans but they were clad in light blue instead of the Roman red. They spoke a language that sounded somewhat like the Latin that Caesar spoke, but many of the words sounded quite unfamiliar. Gandhi wondered who these new visitors were, and whether they came as friends... or as foes...
... to be continued
tupaclives
Tupac Lives on!!
Great update Sima! Most definately worth waiting for!
I see light blue units and dark blue borders. Two new civs, eh? Hmm. The remaining civs are the Americans, English, Germans, and French. My guess is the LB guys are either the Americans or English. DB is probably Germany or France.
Slaughter
Paladin
One word: COOL!
Yah, y' know, They're the French. Remember that it said that they language sounded like latin? German don't sound like latin, so it's FRENCH!
Yah, y' know, They're the French. Remember that it said that they language sounded like latin? German don't sound like latin, so it's FRENCH!
I hate to admit it, but I think I'm rooting for the AI (a lost cause I'm sure.) I like meat and cheese and any other food that can't get away quick enough before I eat it. Death to the Veg Heads!
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