The Simpsons - A Civ Tale

[IroquoisPlisken]

"Our new Employee of the Month is....this inanimate carbon rod!"

Great job! Looking forward to more.

 

[The Duff Man]

The game is now finished, should be able to conclude the story tonight.

Feel free to post your own Simpsons story, there are hundreds of ways you can go with this.

 

[anjf]

Great job, I have played with the incas as well but landed on a island alone
Can you please post a few saves?

 

[The Duff Man]

Early or late game?

 

[The Duff Man]

Bart: The Romans forces are depleted, only a single wounded bowman remains.

Nelson: HA HA

Lisa: I think he is really hurt.

Nelson: I said HA HA

Homer: To mark the day we put an end to the Romans with our macemen, this day will henceforth be known as WHACKING DAY.

Bart: But who are we going to whack next year? The Romans are annihilated.

Homer: I dunno. We'll whack some snakes or something.

 

[The Duff Man]

Burns: In defeating the Romans our coffers swell. Let's have a great engineer build us something.

Lyle Lanley: I have just the thing. It's the latest, it's the greatest. It's a Monorail.

All: What'd he say?

Lyle: Monorail!

Leonard Nemoy: Uh, I hate to point out the obvious, but you aren't technically advanced enough to build a monorail. The best you can do is Versailles.

Lyle: Beat it big ears.

 

[The Duff Man]

Bart: What a busy year for us! The Romans are defeated. Work has begun on the monorail, and both Gao and Awdaghost have been assimilated into our empire. Our troops march on Timbuktu, once it falls Mansa Musa will only have Kumbi Saleh as his last bastion of hope.

Lisa: I am working on a concept called Military Tradition. Our scientists are confident that once we develop this concept we will be able to re-train our knights with new and better weapons. It is clear Homer has no interest in reaching for the stars, so I might as well help you get this conflict over with as quickly as possible.

Marge: Now I don't want you two to be in direct competition with each other.

Homer: Too late Marge...the scientest team is up against the miltary team in "hockey" this week.....FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT. One of you will be praised and showered with my love, while the other will be booed and scorned until my throat is raw. My two kids will be competing for my love.

Marge: We have three kids Homer.

Homer: What has Maggie ever done? Nothing for nobody.

(Maggie intercepts a Malinese assassin's arrow just before it hits Homer in the head)

Marge: Hrrmmm

Homer: Burns, start saving money. If we are going to re-train all these knights it is going to cost a fortune.

Apu: Uh....do you need me any more. Looks like you just want to declare war on everyone and my hands are full with these octuplets.

Homer (waiving hand): You are dismissed.

 

[The Duff Man]

Bart: We have bombarded Timbuktu to weaken the resolve of the defenders, and sent our four catapults on suicide attacks against the city.

Bumblebee Guy (inside Timbuktu): Ey-yey-yey.

Bart: The defenders have been suitably weakened, our troops will soon take the city Homer.

Homer: There is no Homer. From now on I will be known as Max Power.

Max Power: Max Power. The name you'd love to touch! But you mustn't touch!

Kent Brockman: I'm Kent Brockman, coming to you with this special report, "Siege 1575". The Malinese are surrounded. Their situation is hopeless. Will they surrender, or will their streets be filled with blood. Let's go live to Arnie at the scene with the latest.

Arnie: Thanks Kent. Our troops are taking a break from the seige to get some well earned rest before the battle tomorrow. One of them was having a drink around the campfire when all of a sudden his drink went up in smoke. They are calling the drink the Flaming...

Moe: Moe. It's a Flaming Moe. I invented it, and I'm Moe, it's a Flaming Moe.

Kent: Arnie, please tell us what is going on INSIDE the city.

Arnie: Well I can't see through WALLS Kent.

Kent: I know you are upset at not being the anchor, but now is not the time.

Arnie: WHEN IS THE TIME KENT! WHEN IS THE TIME! I'M TIRED OF REPORTING THE NEWS, I AM JOINING THE FORCE AND I'LL MAKE SOME NEWS.

 

[The Duff Man]

Bart: Timbuktu is ours. We'll now send our catapults on suicide attacks against the last Malinese city and they will be no more.

Homer: I have a better idea. Let me teach you how to fight. Fake and injury and cry like a girl. Your opponent will turn away from you.

Bart: And?

Homer: That is when you kick him in the back.

Bart: Ha! Our catapults did just that. I sent three of them on attack runs against the city and all three managed to withdraw from combat!

 

[The Duff Man]

Bart: The Malinese are defeated. By the way, what happened to Max Power?

Homer: Who in the what now?

Carl: See ya later Homer, we are all going off to celebrate.

Homer: Where?

Lenny: Uh...nowhere.

(Homer follows)

Homer: A secret society! How could I not know about this. I want to be a member!

Number One: The Stonecutters are a 1500 year old secret organisation "who, since ancient times, have split the rocks of ignorance that obscure the light of knowledge and truth"

Abe: I'm a member!

Homer: Woo Hoo!

Stone Cutters:
Who controls the Incan crown?
Who keeps the metric system down?
WE DO! WE DO!
Who leaves Atlantis off the maps?
Who keeps the Martians under wraps?
WE DO! WE DO!
Who holds back the Incan car?
Who makes Disco Stu a star?
WE DO! WE DO!
Who robs the cave fish of their site?
Who arranges every fight?
WE DO! WE DO!

 

[The Duff Man]

Bart: Captain Horatio McCallister (The Sea Captain), is drunk again. I sent him out to explore and look where he took his ship!

Sea Captain: Aaaarrggghhh. I'm not drunk laddy. Rumor has it, the biggest fish in the world is in this here lake. Goes by the name of General Sherman, and I intend to catch him!

 

[admiral-bell]

turn up the science man

 

[The Duff Man]

Lisa: Bad news dad. All our work on the Monorail has been lost. Lyle skipped town and we lost most of the production from that city, but we did manage to retreive some gold.

Leonard Nimoy: I am trying to tell you, it was the Versailles not the Monorail, and you weren't swindled out of your production by Lyle, someone else just built it first.

Homer: Stop talking nonsense. Where did you come from anyway?

Leonard Nimoy: I'll see you in the future.....(beams away).

Homer: I bet the Americans built it. Let's use the money to upgrade all of our knights to cavalry and charge!

Marge: I am bored. I think I'll start a hobby. Maybe I should make pretzels!

Homer: Marge has a good idea, but we don't have open borders with America, it will be hard to sell them there, particularly if I start a war.

Fat Tony: I would be happy to help you smuggle your pretzels into America for a cut of the profit.

(some time later)

Tony: Greetings, Homer.

Homer: Hey! Fat Tony! You still with the mafia?

Tony: Uh... Uh, yes, I am. Thank you for asking. Now, Homer, as you no doubt recall, you were done a favor by our, uh, how shall I say -- Mafia Crime Syndicate.

Homer: Oh yeah.

Tony: Now the time has come for you to do us a favor.

Homer: You mean the mob only did me a favor to get something in return? Oh, Fat Tony! I will say good day to you, sir!

Fat Tony: I'm afraid it is time to collect my share of the profit....100%. You have 24 hours to come up with the money, and to show you I am serious, you have 12 hours.

(the next morning)

Bart: Fat Tony and the American forces are in a heated battle right outside our borders, in San Francisco. The city is in revolt. I suggest we take this opportunity to mop them both up and be rid of them.

 

[The Duff Man]

Bart: The latest reports from the field indicate that San Francisco and Seattle have fallen. We divided our forces to take both New York and Atlanta farther north. Resistance in Atlanta was significant, we underestimated their ferocity. The city was taken, but with our remaining troops there was no way we would be able to hold the city if the Americans launched a counter attack, so we razed it rather than letting it fall back into American hands.

Homer: Do they need help with the cleanup? I have a plow around here somewhere that might come in handy. Now where's that jacket....

Ralph: We lost troops in Atlanta? That's unpossible!

Homer: Uh...we might want to turn that science (and education) spending back up now that we have trained all of our knights how to use firearms.

Bart: Who cares? The Americans are on the run.

Homer: Wait, did you say we were marching into New York? (shudders) The last time I was there, they put a boot on my chariot. I had to take a mace to the thing to get it off and it hasn't run well ever since! Burn the city!

Marge: NO! I had a great time there. Let's hold a film festival there. We can get critics from around the globe to come!

 

[The Duff Man]

To be concluded tomorrow...

 

[Lord_Iggy]

Yayyyyyy!!!

 

[anjf]

I don't care if the save post is earlie or late game just do what you like, or perhapse both?

 

[I am the Future]

Funny that your username is based on Futurama

Anyway, great going so far Glad to see the some of the first real "Story Reports" in Civ 4. Keep it up!

No it isnt, Duff Beer is from the Simpsons.
See:

DUFF

Great story by the WAy.

 

[The Duff Man]

Bart: The Americans are falling back. We have pushed them to the farthest northern part of the continent. All that remain are Philadelphia, Boston, Chicago, and the capital Washington. Washington is surrounded by cavalry, it will be the first to fall. The defenders are weak enough that we don't even need catapult support. The end will come swiftly for the Americans.

Homer: Maybe I should try one of these "guns" we have armed our cavalry with.

Bart: Sorry Homer, there is a 5 day waiting period.

Homer: DOH!

Ned: There is no waiting period to spend time at church!

(Homer pictures Ned with a target on him)

Homer: Tee hee!

(5 days later)

Homer: WOO HOO! Best..invention..ever!

Comic Book Guy: That's my line!

(BLAM Homer shoots Comic Book Guy)

Homer: Marge, close your eyes I have a surprise for you...

Marge: (opens her eyes staring into the barrel of a gun) AH! Homie get that thing out of here!

Homer: If only there were some type of national rifle assocation where I could meet with others and express my love for firearms. Oh well, I'm going to Moe's.

 

[The Caltrop]

It is not 'The Versailles'. Versailles=Singular.