A new action-comedy by first-time director Jason Stutter is "a film that will touch your heart, after it's finished with your teeth, ribs, spleen and kneecaps."
He comes from the mighty Kingdom of Tonga (pop: 105,600, principal export: baby
squash). He is trained in the ancient art of ninjitsu. He is, unsurprisingly, TONGAN NINJA, and now his story can be told.
Ever since his father was eaten by a fish, Sione was brought up to follow the way of the ninja. Now he must journey toward his greatest challenge and defend the beautiful Miss Lee and her restaurant from Mr Big and the Syndicate. These men will stop at nothing to get their hands on an ethnic hospitality establishment servicing the central business district.
Only his fists and his long years of training in Tonga will help him face Gun Man (hes good with guns), Knife Man (good with knives), Henchman (good with henches), Chef Guy (you get the idea) and Asian Sidekick. Finally, he must confront his ultimate nemesis - Action Fighter. Will love, and a great deal of physical violence, triumph in the end? You work it out.
Shot in stunning yet convenient locations, Tongan Ninja features exciting new sound and special effects techniques designed to fool the extremely gullible into thinking it was done for real.
Tongan Ninja is something special, something different, something that gives the phrase this film is yet to be classified a disturbing new meaning. People who love musicals, people who like sophisticated comedy, devotees of the best Hong Kong action films, foley artists, all will want to corner the makers of Tongan Ninja in a darkened alley and ask Why? Tongan Ninja the film you didnt know you wanted, until you wanted it.
Memorable Quotes from
Tongan Ninja (2002)
Action Fighter : Your father was eaten by a fish!
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Tongan Ninja : You fight like a clown
Action Fighter : That is because I was trained by a fool
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Tongan Ninja : He's your father?
Action Fighter : Yes, and what's more I am his son
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Action Fighter : So, you are the infamous Gun Man
Gun Man: That's right
Action Fighter : I hear your good with guns
Gun Man: I'm not just good; I'm the best
Action Fighter : I heard you were good. I once knew a man who was good with children. They called him; Children Man. Know him?
Gun Man: I kneecapped him and then I killed him
Action Fighter : Nice
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[the badguys are trying to escape the Tongan Ninja in a car chase]
Asian Sidekick : Somehow he knows where we are going
Ninja: Should I stop indicating?
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Action Fighter : Welcome to my patio of death!
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Tongan Ninja : Marvin!
Action Fighter : That name no longer holds any meaning to me. I am now known as... Action Fighter
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Miss Lee : You killed him!
Tongan Ninja : Yeah. He was going to hurt you Miss Lee
Miss Lee : Don't you understand? You can't just kill someone!
[Miss Lee runs off]
Tongan Ninja : Women
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Miss Lee : I need to talk to you
Tongan Ninja : Look, if it's about the decapitation thing I'm sorry
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Action Fighter : And then there was this other guy... I gouged out his eyes, swapped them around, and then replaced them... as a joke!
