LIBERTE, EGALITE, FRATERNITE
Dispatch from La Mocheot, newspaper of the French People!
This morning the news finally came to expectant French ears that Napoleon Bonaparte, ruler of the mighty French Empire, has been cured of the cholera which at one point threatened to take his life and steal from France its most charismatic and forward-minded leader in all of its remembered history.
A still haggard Napoleon held a press conference this morning. As much as his ceremonial robes seemed to hang loose on his frame, the fire which has led the French from tyranny under a spiteful monarch to a new age of civilization and law was still recognizable in his eyes. After waving down the cheers with a small smile, Napoleon, speaking from the balcony of his unceremonial house on the Left Bank, said:
"People of France! I am still a bit sick and therefore I will be brief.
"Relations with the other great nations of Europe have gone neglected during my illness, and I vow that this will not go unremedied.
"First and foremost I wish to speak to all nations at the moment, when I tell them that France's glorious armies are building fortresses at the frontiers and digging in. Offhand talk of war with France, such as certain evil nations have been suggesting, will not be tolerated. Nations unlucky enough to be under the reign of rulers who say such things will, naturally, be liberated.
"Regardless of past actions France is willing to move forward. That is why France heartily accepts the friendship of Italy as offered, and peace with all other nations - under certain conditions.
"It is in the best interests of France to be friendly with all nations. Only the kingdom of Germany shares borders with more rulers than France. That is why my message is a peaceful one, and my hopes are that war will not break out across Europe."
END