What if Civilization was created by...

[Souron]

What if God made Civilization?

There would be huge debates over how long it took to make the game: six hours, or some odd number of months/years.

 

[Truronian]

WWE: War is started when Montezuma has a 5 minute tirade explaining how if Victoria doesn't give him those techs, he will proceed to 'lay the smack down'. When capturing a city occasionally the ref will be distracted and it doesn't count.

PETA: Harvesting sheep would cause an international incident.

Stanley Kubrick: When you try and click retire all you here is "I'm sorry Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that."

Zhang Yimou: The same, excepts with vastly improved, gravity defying attack animations.

 

[Tee Kay]

Sega: victory point locations replaced by chaos emeralds.

 

[MISER SVM]

What about J.R.R. Tolkien or Gary Gygax? Oh wait... I forgot Jack Chick.

 

[Yuri2356]

Stanley Kubrick: When you try and click retire all you here is "I'm sorry Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that."

Or: Twenty turns after the Manhattan Project is finished, all of your Civ's bombers are launched on a massive attack against the largets enemy Civ. Their commander says something about defending his 'Precious Bodily Fluids.'

 

[Maniacal]

These are great! Keep them coming!

I can't think of anything good enough to add, but i request a Canadian one please.

Also I am in the middle of getting to starting my homework.

 

[Eran of Arcadia]

What about J.R.R. Tolkien or Gary Gygax? Oh wait... I forgot Jack Chick.

Jack Chick: There is no option in the beginning to make the world 3/4/5 billion years old, the only setting is "6000 years". Also, building the ToE makes every citizen unhappy, maxes out corruption/waste, and destroys all your military units. Also, the non-European/non-Christian civs are all evil and seek to destroy any Christian civ in the game all the time. Plus the opening movie warns that playing any game not made by Chick turns you into a Satan-worshipper, and you go to hell.

 

[wkndwrrr]

EA games: Civ 4 had 2000 TV spots, all showing only CGI pre-rendered scenes, It is posted on billboards, Bus-sides, and more. It costs $69.99 US, but when you buy it, it is exactly the same as Civ 3 with the exception that you now have a new option for slavery: there is normal whipping, which speeds up production like usual, and there is: 'video game producer slavery' which is the same except for rushing buildings, it costs hundreds of thousands to help along, and when built, it simply gives the same bonus as the prerequisite building. (like to build a castle simply gives another small defense bonus, no culture) Also, no patches are ever released.

 

[Ultima Dragoon]

That isn't funny. :\

 

[azzaman333]

Nintendo: You guide Mario through your empire to your neighbouring empires to defeat Bowser Tank in each land. After you defeat all Bowser Tanks, you capture the Princess and win.

 

[Tycoon101]

Blizzard: Add liberal amounts of humor, amazingly evil heros, and some things that look like walking bags of meat. Enjoy!

(Oh, and it would have a liberal dosage of kick-arse too)

 

[Darva]

Blizzard: They promise the moon, and deliver uranus....

 

[classical_hero]

WWE: War is started when Montezuma has a 5 minute tirade explaining how if Victoria doesn't give him those techs, he will proceed to 'lay the smack down'. When capturing a city occasionally the ref will be distracted and it doesn't count.

WWE: First you will hear the entrance music of each competitor (this might actually take longer that the actual battle), along with this you will either hear boos or cheers according to how the WWE wrote each character, whether they be a heel or a face. Also you might occasion have an outside oppenent interrupt the match causing you to lose the fight and thus stop you from being the World Champion.

 

[Perfection]

Cavedog

 

[megalomaniac]

Team 17: Rather than spears, swords, arrows, and guns, your combat units use sheep, holy hand grenades, and old ladies as weapons.

 

[Truronian]

Koei: During regicide games your leader has a tendancy to run head first in legions of men proclaiming is might. Warlord units carry fans, not swords.

 

[Totibbs]

3drealms: Civ forever

 

[Yuri2356]

Quentin Tarentino: Swordsmen would spend fifteen minutes discussing each other's life stories before engaging in a long, flashy battle filled with gravity-defying stunts.

 

[ArneHD]

Bethesda (again):
Civ 1 would be pretty good, but lack graphics and total freedom to do what ever you want. Also the land surronuding your cities will be infinite.
Civ 2 would be superior to any other game, with freedom, nudity, sex and moral ambiguity combined with lots of story and a good lore.
Civ 3 will have flashier graphics. MUCH flashier graphics. But many features will be dropped as the deves didn't have time to impliment them. They promise they will be in the next itteration of the game.
Civ 4 will be gared towards getting new players and getting lots of money at the expense of older players. War Elephants will be dropped, since honestly, who ever used them? Also, your cities will be restircted to the spots that the computer choses for you. You will be able to see combat in a sort of Rome: Total war way. Also, they will charge you for updates.

 

[Fugitive Sisyphus]

Peter Jackson: The movie for the space race victory at the end of the game would be 45 minutes long.