What if Civilization was created by...

Discussion in 'Humor & Jokes' started by Jafendel, Jun 9, 2006.

  1. Jafendel

    Jafendel Chieftain

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    We all (?) know that Civilization has been created and developed by Sid Meier first and several companies afterwards. But what would have been the result if Civilization would have been created by others? Let's take a look...

    - Bullfrog: you can modify the terrain near your Populous tribe and make everybody happy, but nothing really progresses after that. You can be best friends with a barbarian bear nearby, though. Your settlers are plenty and upkeep free.

    - Maxis: you watch your monitor twiddling thumbs for 7 hours as your Similization evolves from bacteria. It's the late modern era when they start demanding attention, and how!

    - Nintendo: Somehow Stalin will be in a crucial role in this Super Civio game. He bounces through the enemy territory into their capital where the AI leader awaits, and not so pleased.

    - Sony: Every leader has big eyes, small mouth. Every patch is promised to be Final. Your units will become quite experienced in a fancy ways.

    - id Software: You can only build marines in deserted military complexes. Relationships with AI civilizations will be Doomed. And you can find Civ quick run videos from the net.

    - Microsoft: It looks like you're creating a rifleman! Your Capitalization is big but the cultural border leaks barbarians badly. Blue ocean scenario is a killer!

    - Jeff Minter: Llamas!

    More to come. ? :rolleyes: feel free to improve!
     
  2. WerBackIII

    WerBackIII Jar of the Rotting Brain

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    Blizzard- Every unit will look like an orc or elf
    Sierra- TIM(The Incredible machine game)
    JoWood- You must lie and trick your opponent with leader "The Nasty Neighbor"
     
  3. Corlindale

    Corlindale Emperor

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    Shiny: You start with a set number of units, and have to kill enemy units to build more units. To win you need to suicide one of your own units in the capital city of the enemy. Only available improvement is obelisk. You can paradrop all over the map, but watch out for heat-seeking missiles.

    Lionhead Studios: You can't give your units orders, they all behave more or less randomly. You can order your cities to build buildings, but they might not do it. Sometimes they build on their own. No hammers are produced, all improvements must be built by chop-rushing.
     
  4. Raisin Bran

    Raisin Bran Cereal Killer

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    Apple : The game does not change but it comes in a nice silver and gold shiny plastic case and it costs twice as much!
     
  5. Perfection

    Perfection The Great Head.

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    Konami: Entering up up down down left right left right b a gives you 2,000,000 gold and a "Vic Viper" hero unit.
     
  6. Truronian

    Truronian Quite unfamiliar Retired Moderator

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    Obsidian: Great Game up until the modern age, at which point leaders inexplicably dissappear and the game ends after a five minute chat with Darth Victoria.

    Square Enix: Leaders have much better personality and your troops can be upgrades by spending hours fighting random brabarians. Game always end fighting neo-uber-Montezuma in some kind of vorpal plane.

    EA Sports: CivIV is exactly the same as CivIII, excepts with an updated soundtrack and new commentators.
     
  7. Swiss Bezerker

    Swiss Bezerker Emperor

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    the creative assembly: Flaming pigs and Screeching women will be frequently used units by players.
    Namco:your units will step on small circles and eat them, earning you victory points.
     
  8. Mirc

    Mirc Not mIRC!!!

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    I think EA Sports comes from Electronic Arts Sports, so civ would have been created by EA Games not EA Sports.
     
  9. Ultima Dragoon

    Ultima Dragoon FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!

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    Bethesda Softworks: After you create a unit, you take control of that unit at the first-and-third-persons and upgrade them by battling other units, or die.
     
  10. Dr. Yoshi

    Dr. Yoshi Emperor of the Universe

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    Tiger Electronics: You would select to be one of two civilizations though it would be advertised as 24. Your civilization will have a maximum of three B&W units the size of a pinhead projected over a static map that never changes and you'd run out of batteries before reaching the Middle Ages.
     
  11. Kozmos

    Kozmos Jew Detective

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    Capcom: In the modern age your cities might suffer from zombie infestations and your only choice is to nuke it to stop it from spreading.
     
  12. Tycoon101

    Tycoon101 Loves being STRONG

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    Hasbro: You must employ little people who work big machines to build your cities, and to save your people from various disasters.

    Knowledge Adventure: Learn from talking animals, pre-teens, and machines as you build your society to be the ultimate in education.

    Linux: Bake the game even MORE bare-bones, make it free, and let everyone who cares have the chance to change the game in amazingly new ways (Much more beyond FFH)

    AOL: Make a horrible mess, market it as the New Beginning, and swindle all the hapless people you can in order to drive all competition out.

    Chuck Norris: He would beat Satan up until the Devil writes the code for Civ 4.
     
  13. Mirc

    Mirc Not mIRC!!!

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    :lol: :lol:
     
  14. Eran of Arcadia

    Eran of Arcadia Stormin' Mormon Retired Moderator

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  15. WerBackIII

    WerBackIII Jar of the Rotting Brain

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    Lucas art + petroglyph= expansionist looking ame with many maps and only two nations- empire and rebels
    Lucas art + pandemic= Star wars Galactic conquest with FPS battles
     
  16. Tycoon101

    Tycoon101 Loves being STRONG

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    What if God made Civilization? :hmm:

    Oh, wait... :p
     
  17. Truronian

    Truronian Quite unfamiliar Retired Moderator

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    The Arabs would always get tundra starts.
     
  18. Swiss Bezerker

    Swiss Bezerker Emperor

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    Depends which god :mischief:
    the arabs beleive in god too
     
  19. megalomaniac

    megalomaniac Push the red button!!

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    Rockstar: Immigrants from rival civs would cause gang violence.
     
  20. Botbot

    Botbot Chieftain

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    Hideo Kojima: Throughout the game you have to watch hundreds of 5-10 minute cut scenes explaining the back-story. The most powerful unit is a lone spy that is capable of destroying entire armies without being seen.

    WWE: War is started when Montezuma has a 5 minute tirade explaining how if Victoria doesn't give him those techs, he will proceed to 'lay the smack down'. When capturing a city occasionally the ref will be distracted and it doesn't count.

    Joss Whedon: The civilizations that are led by females are always the most powerful.
     

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