When was the last time you cried?

[Chukchi Husky]

Earlier today. I cry all the time.

 

[Abaddon]

If he can hold his own- how is he ending up in these situations?

Generally fights tend to be very one sided if repeated bullying was occuring- so it doesnt feel like he is suffering from that.

Are these fights with random kids or same one or two people?

Certainly a kid is never going to want to be a grass, but weedling out why they ended up in that situation which resulted in fights is needed. If you ask him would he tell you?


Perhaps he needs to interact more with new kids- try him at different groups of kids - a swim school, football team... chances are things could develope socially very different, it would also make him learn to be better at meeting and getting on with new people


(note all this "help" is coming from a 19yr old single child!)

 

[Mathilda]

If he can hold his own- how is he ending up in these situations?

I haven't even found one uniform reason.
The biggest one seems to be his very black and white world view and stirct opinon on what's right and what's wrong. Then he loses himself in the situation, gets emotional and goes into a rage. In yesterdays one he was playing football with a friend. The ball went off, in his opinion the friend should have fetched the ball but wouldn't...name calling... fists..

Are these fights with random kids or same one or two people?

Seems to be with different ones every time.

Certainly a kid is never going to want to be a grass, but weedling out why they ended up in that situation which resulted in fights is needed. If you ask him would he tell you?

Yes, he tells me.
It can be "he was disturbing me" or "he pushed me" or "he was calling me names" or "he was hurting my friend".
Generally what he sees as getting justice.

Perhaps he needs to interact more with new kids- try him at different groups of kids - a swim school, football team... chances are things could develope socially very different, it would also make him learn to be better at meeting and getting on with new people

Last autumn he was doing football. Since January he's been doing Taekwondo. He's always had a lot of friends, he's got a brother, it's not like he's been deprived of social interaction with other kids.

(note all this "help" is coming from a 19yr old single child!)

I appreciate it.
I used to know a lot more about how to handle these situations when I was 19 and before I had kids.

 

[Abaddon]

hmm, guess the questions is then why he gets so het up about things- and TBH- im close to ending my inning here i think.

As long as the conflicts are always a case of him defending what he think is right, thats ok. He just needs to be taught how to deal with these problems another way.
In a twisted way, it seems a very bright kid who learns not to punch first, but still to provoke the fight...just full stop this kid needs to wind down a little.

hmmm a bit more... id assume its nothing, but im jusst throwing out ideas here- could his diet be right (no offence on what your feeding him) but i know how children can go all hyper for no reason on certain e-numbers or simply sugar etc... perhaps something in his diet is affecting him.

Really hope you can sort things out- not a nice thing to be worrying about your child.

 

[Sidhe]

Well it sounds to me like your doing the right thing atm, perhaps you need to sit him down and talk about why he seems to be getting into so much trouble recently, listen and let him air his reasons. Once he's done it might be wise to try and reason out why it might be better to behave in a way that's more tolerant and less agressive. I'd suggest you ask him whether he feels what he's doing is right? And try and get him to come up with ideas of how he'd like things to be. Sometimes with kids(especially precocious ones) it's not about telling them how to behave, it's getting them to reason for themselves how to behave, listen above all and don't judge, offer advice, don't preach.

If that fails then maybe it's time for more drastic measures, but if he's anything like you seem to be, strong willed and intelligent, then the most effective way to deal with this is to let him come to his own conclusions, to guide him rather than force him. I know about this because I have to deal with my cousins on a regular basis and they are smart, strong willed and too clever to be forced into a behaviour pattern by rules. It may sound counter intuitive you are after all the parents but try and get an uncle or a role model to talk to them, I find someone who is removed from the situation who they look up to a much better candidate for discussion, if the parent thing seems to be failing. A last resort if this behaviour never improves is counselling, by that I mean seeking advice from specialists in child behaviour at first rather than sending them to counselling, if that fails try counselling.

Oh and by the way as a kid I was very very precocious, I would only follow rules I felt were worthy of following, my parents dealt with it by being very tolerant and very firm at the same time, there were boundaries I just could not cross, but they were very liberal ones. Although I was never that violent I certainly was mischevious. My mother always said I was funny more than a bad child in the way I got away with things, a manipulative little sod. Some people just need a bit of room, violence needs understanding in the same way, although it's understandable that your boundaries are less liberal.

 

[MobBoss]

He's only eight.
He just seems to have been involved in fights almost every day this week.
And it seems to me he gives at least much as he gets.
And it's not the road I want him taking.
He's clever enough, he's popular, and he's got a strong personality.

Some time ago there was an incident where he hit another boy in the neck with a ice hockey stick. After that one we had some major discussions with him and made it clear that he was never to be the first one to hit.
He seems to have managed it so far, but only by doing other stuff instead. Putting people to the ground and holding them there and spitting are this weeks examples. And then hitting back, when the other one hits first.

His school finishes, typically for Finland, at twelve most days and in the afternoons he goes to an afternoon club at a park near the school and most of this takes place there. The people who work there have, rightly, a very strict wiev on violent behaviour and tell him he should go and tell a grown up if there's trouble instead of trying to sort it out himself. He says he doesn't want to be a grass. And I don't find it me to insist that becomes one.

So how do I help him to find a different way?

As a parent I might have some insight. Is his father involved in his life? If so, to what extent? Obviously he is acting out some type of anger issue at the moment. Is there any reason for other kids to tease him? Him standing up for himself is one thing....initiating violence is another.

If it has gotten to the point where you have no idea what to do, I would suggest looking into a child therapist to find out exactly why your son is so angry and then learning to cope with it in other ways besides violence. Earlier is better.

 

[toh6wy]

Can't remember exactly the last time I cried, but fairly recently. I've cried several times while listening to a select few songs that are especially melancholic/depressing for me - although this has almost always been just a few tears running down my cheeks, because it seems as if I have to make myself cry when I listen to them (that is, I have to consciously immerse myself in them - it doesn't work if I'm not giving my full attention to them). Hmm, and I also have gotten a little misty-eyed when watching certain movies, and when I read an article about racism and cognitive dissonance.

However, I haven't really cried for any other reason (or cried a lot) for quite a few years. The last times I can remember are scraping my knee really badly when I was about 12 and my cat dying when I was... younger than 12, so never mind.

 

[AceChilla]

At my grandmothers funeral a few years ago. I could keep it dry the entire time, even when she was so sick it was clear she was going to die. but when they started playing sentimental music at the funeral (I'll be seeing you by Rod Stewart) I just broke down and sobbed. I didn't want to, tried to stop it but couldn't, I just cried the whole weeks of stress and sorrow out. Sometimes I get tears in my eyes at her grave, she was a great lady and my grandpa misses her so much.

Sometimes I also get tears in my eyes when I realize I am really happy, a great time togheter with my girlfriend for instance. I just stop and see myself and think "man this is great". I won't show her of course.

 

[The Tollan]

My cats dying is also very painful, although I've seen at least 6 or 7 die over the years (we had many cats as kids).

One of my cats died of cancer today. It was extremely tragic. She was much older than the groomer who we got her from thought (though we did have her for several years before today). We began to suspect that she was actually older than originally thought earlier this year. I would have to think to remember when we first got her however it was several years ago. She was found by the cat/dog groomer without any owner (which probably contributed to her reclusiveness). I usually do not become very sad from events or for very long however this was a hideous event. The cat did not appear suffer very much though. The cat was not overly fond of being bothered by many people or other animals however I (and one other person) were able to get her to become very friendly to us. She was an unusual (in multiple positive ways) Himalayan cat.

 

[CoolioVonHoolio]

i cried at the conclusion of "the return of the king"

why did you have to go frodo?!?

 

[cgannon64]

I read my mother's journal.

 

[classical_hero]

The last movie I saw.

 

[Inter4]

When I left my country to go to college in Europe and U.S.

 

[I am the Future]

Earlier today. I cry all the time.

Hey, me too.

 

[Sir Bugsy]

...when I thought about his widowed bride.

 

[The 777 Hoax]

A few months ago when my grandpa died.

 

[Shaihulud]

Crushed my toes, but if it was an emotional thing, then propably when i was dumped by my gf a few years ago. I get abit teary eyed sometimes in response to movies, songs or stories i think.

 

[kingjoshi]

It's odd. I've never cried over any physical pain (well, I don't know about when I was a little kid, bad memory) and I've got several scars. I haven't cried over cutting onions in a long time either. Even my grandparents death didn't bring tears or anything. But some movies or when you're watching the news, you can get caught in the moment and I have to catch myself.

 

[Shaihulud]

Trust me, as someone who is very use to physical pain. When it gets too bad, tears flow spontaneously.

 

[kingjoshi]

Trust me, as someone who is very use to physical pain. When it gets too bad, tears flow spontaneously.

What type of physical pain causes instant tears? Onions thrown in your eyes? Pepper spray? I can understand cursing and yelling, but I don't see why crying would necessarily be a result of physical pain. What happened to you?