5 Finger Discount Part the Second

[floppa21]

Okay gotcha, thanks for the explanation. When I first read it, I thought "Damn right. A woman should know her role, and what the man says, goes."

Hmmm... Well that is a standuppish thing of you. I can't say with 100% certainty I could do the same.

 

[damunzy]

Originally posted by CrayonX
What do you mean by 'cheating'? Is there an implied..er...'act' which has to take place?
I used to go out with a girl who defined talking to another woman as 'cheating'. Others I know say that you should not dine with another person 1-on-1 if you are in a monogamous relationship.

What I mean by cheating:
1. Sexual contact with a person of a different, or the same, gender that is not approved by your current partner(s).
2. Intimate dinner with someone that you choose to have the dinner with and you have strong feelings for that person(s), that is not approved by your current partner(s).
3. It is wrong to do any of the above with ayone that is currently married or engaged, unless you have the permission from the married person's spouse. It is not cheating if you do any of the above 2 rules if the person is only dating, even seriously. It isn't very serious unless you are engaged or married (in my mind). The engagement or marriage is a declaration to the partners that they will follow the rules they individually believe (this is why it is important to find out what your partner(s) believes a relationship to be).

Note:
1. Anything is O.K. if allowed by partner(s).
2. If a partner allows you to have group sex (or any variation: swapping, 3some, orgy, etc.) one time that does not allow you to continue again without permission.
3. Group sex and 3somes partners may have particular rules, that if broken would constitute cheating. Example: in a 3some it is O.K. for Wife(Girlfriend) and Husband(Boyfriend) to have sex together, or with another man/woman(men/women or multiples of each) when all 3(or more) are present.
4. Partner Swapping: It is only allowed if all partners agree and only for the situation agreed upon.

Exceptions:
Magazines (and other methods of media that depict naked person(s) or sex of anykind) , Cyber-Sex, and Phone-Sex
1. Don't count viewing Magazines( and other media) as cheating at all. It has saved me when being away, overseas, from my wife for up to 6 months.
2. Phone Sex is a grey area. If it is with some you are paying money to for a service then it is a disturbing (if you are in a relationship that is healthy) trend but not cheating. If it is with someone(somepersons) that you have strong feelings for then it is cheating.
3.Cyber Sex - Not sure on this subject. I would say the rules are the same as phone sex but they are just on a different medium of communication.

Redemptions:
Phone Sex: If you are having phone sex with someone(somepersons) that you are attracted to but completely stop the relationship before it gets physical, then you can count yourself as not having cheated with that person(s). If you are caught in the act with the person(s) then you were cheating and will always had been cheating, so sorry.
Intimate Dinners: If you are having intimate dinners with someone(somepersons) that you are strongly attrached to but completely stop the relationship before it gets physical, then you can count yourself as not having cheated with that person(s). If you are caught in the act with the person(s) then you were cheating and will always had been cheating, so sorry.

Definitions:
Intimate dinner - A dinner (or any meal/snack) where there is a sexual desire felt between one or more of the meals participants and the meal was setup inorder to be with this person(s) to have such feelings. Random feelings of desire that are hard to stop don't count as long as no action was taken to inspire them by you.
Sexual desire - Wanting to jump another person(s')'s bones.
Partner(s) - Current person(s) that you have a non-cheating agreement with, whether the agreement is implied or agreed upon verbally or written.
Sexual contact - Any sort of physical contact that brings or starts to bring a person towards the goal of sexual release.
Sexual release - Orgasm


Post note: I am currently happily married and participate in a monogamous relationship without swapping and all the "alternate" life style activies I listed above. These are just my musings. My wife has a completely different standard: If I look, I am guilty I hold that there is nothing wrong with the "alternate" life style choices if made logically. Not everyone can hadle them and they may destory your relationship.


To answer the question: I have NEVER cheated and don't ever plan to. I have felt the desire to, I am only human, but I am glad that I never have. All the problems that I have had with my wife, we have fixed. All the problems that we still have I believe we will figure out someday and it is not worth ruining what I consider to be the best thing in my life for a piece of tail that probably won't be all that good anyway!

 

[allan]

"Hmmm... Well that is a standuppish thing of you. I can't say with 100% certainty I could do the same."

Well, let's just say I "paid" for not doing so before. I was the "other man" for a couple of women, one was just a one-nighter (so nothing came of it really) but the other was two years with a woman I THOUGHT would be faithful with me, but I should have known that if she could cheat on her husband, she damned sure could cheat on me (we were engaged, not married)....

So I've walked in the cheated man's shoes now, and wouldn't want to put another man in that position.

Plus in some cases "being the other man" could be dangerous--as in getting a bullet shot into you in a "crime of passion"--I'm lucky that I didn't meet THAT fate....

 

[allan]

Hey PaleHorse, thanks for the "legalese" definition of cheating (I said "legalese" because it was worded similar to a lease agreement or something, complete with definitions of terms given).

I concur pretty much with how you've defined it, but I would say that it is more grey than that. Simply put, people in serious relationships pretty much "know" intuitively when they are stepping out of bounds. A good rule-of-thumb question to ask yourself is, "would I want my partner to know what I am doing with this other person?" If the answer is "no", then you are probably doing something that would be considered "cheating". Of course, there are situations where you might WANT the partner to know, in order to hurt him or her in some way, but at that point the relationship is pretty dysfunctional and destructive, and should probably be broken up anyway, at least for the good of the person you want to deliberately hurt.... But you still "cheated" if you carried the hurtful deed out.

As someone else said, the realm this could encompass can vary greatly, depending on how secure the partner is in the relationship. You may want to hide the fact that you even made small talk with a certain person, and while I would find this ludicrous, I guess that the boundaries--however strict they are to be--should be established whenever the couple is contemplating "seriousness", or at least some level of understanding of each other's sensitivities should be reached (since openly discussing such "rules" to be established in the relationship can be awkward--some may take it as asking "what can I get away with"). Put it this way though, I would try to make DAMNED sure that I never get serious with a woman who is so insecure that she wouldn't want me to talk to or look at other women--and such women DO exist (and such men do too).