Thanks.
And you're entirely right, it's not always necessary to submit to an AI demand. But sometimes I do it even when I'm stronger. At times I don't want to be in a war when an AI can strike first because they can still do a lot of damage. It's no fun giving in to their demands, but it gives me a chance to position my forces. After that I contact the AI (Relations are already bad most of the time) and demand money from them and usually they then declare war too. (Although sometimes they give in, as if they know what I'm up to)
Yeah, I've been in situations like you described with the Spartans as well. Sometimes the AI can really surprise you, I've been in situations I really had to fight to survive. (Against the Hive. Man, when these guys get into war, they mean it.)
It annoys me too regarding the "arrogant" part. They say "Friendship is a two way street" but often it seems just to come from the human player. I do have to say when an AI is your Pact Brother it can really turn into a great alliance. I'm still surprised Zakharov gave me free techs in an earlier game. ("Guard this knowledge carefully, and do not forget my generosity")
One of the reasons an AI keeps attacking or betraying you, might be because of a checklist within the game. I cheated in one game and looked at the AI settings in-game. One AI (The Hive) kept declaring war. Within the settings I noticed this was checked: "Shamelessly betray human players"/"Team up against human players")
It seems that even if an AI doesn't have a reason to attack you, the game might force the AI to attack you anyway. Often the Hive, Believers and the Caretakers/Usurpers have these options checked/enabled. Also, when you see "Commit atrocities wantonly" checked, don't let that AI get Planet Busters, they'll really use them!
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That's a very good question. Personally I can't remember I've ever seen an AI do that. It might be possible, but I do notice that (Unless you've used a Planet Buster or if you really betrayed them) the AI will give you enough chances to make peace after taking a few cities from you.