Another Relationship Advice Thread
- Thread starter Blasphemous
- Start date
Sophie 378
Avvie by ybbor
I wouldn't advise telling her you took a poll of CFC people to see how to start yr relationship, btw! 
Unless she is really likely to find that as valid as her asking her girlfriends what to do about you or similar ...
Unless she is really likely to find that as valid as her asking her girlfriends what to do about you or similar ...
Neonanocyborgasm
Deity
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- Apr 21, 2004
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Blasphemous said:
I'm not sure what the problem is. If you already know how to start a fling, then a relationship is just a prolonged fling.
If you are asking how to approach this girl that you like, then it's nothing more than a matter of making advances and seeing if she responds. If she warms to your advances, you have your answer. There is really nothing you can do to make a girl like you more than she already does, so if you get rejected, there's not much you could've done. Once you get a fling going, you shouldn't throw the "R" word at a girl right away, but warm your way into it, slowly. Eventually, if she likes you enough, the relationship comes about on its own.
When you smile at her, does she smile back? Go for a walk and hold her hand. If she holds yours back, you've got a relationship. From single hand holding you move to double hand holding. Now you are facing her and touching. Kissing is not too far in the future. 
I wouldn't try to kiss her like that. Go on some dates just you two first, it doesn't have to be "go to a movie, and then snog", but you could go to a café or a concert or something.
And talk a lot with her, as I'm assuming you're both intelligent.
And good luck!
And talk a lot with her, as I'm assuming you're both intelligent.
And good luck!
CannoedGerbil
Chieftain
Japher said:
I'll have to try that sometime
Fifty
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Blasphemous said:
DO NOT BECOME HER BEST FRIEND. That is rule #1.
Rule #2 is do what feels best. Some people (like me) don't really have qualms with the "game" aspect of nabbing chicks... but if you don't like that idea then just figure out what your strengths are and capitalize on them.
confidence, confidence, confidence.
Also, make sure you let her talk about herself constantly. Girls love to talk about themselves.
And if you are into doing the whole "game" thing, then make yourself seem like a hot commodity and make her jealous, make HER want YOU. Girls always want to have sex with "that guy" (the guy that gets with lots of girls) so you have to become, in her eyes, "that guy".
Sophie 378
Avvie by ybbor
With all due respect and so on, I disagree, Fifty. I've never wanted the too-popular guys, mostly because they annoy me. I started to fancy a guy who I'd been friends with for about three years; he was quiet and shy, not particularly good-looking, and definitely not "that guy". Once I realised I fancied him as well as actually really liked him, then I started thinking about how everything about him was fancy-able, even though I hadn't noticed them at all before. (BTW I mean things like the way he smiles, the cute way his hair curls, the angle of his jaw etc.) Once I'm started on fancying a guy, he appeals to me whether or not he's "the man" to other girls.
Fifty
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sophie 378 said:
Well of course there will be exceptions to every rule, but in most cases girls want two things:
1.) attention
2.) "that guy"
cegman
Scott Walker Supporter
One other interesting thing I got from your post was that until you started feeling attracted "fancying him" you never noticed his qualities.
"that guy" as fifty so eloquently puts it is the guy who will make USUALLY make a person feel attracted and notice his good qualities. The shy kid (friend zoned) is often ignored or thought of as a way to relieve tension by talking to someone who will console and compliment you
"that guy" as fifty so eloquently puts it is the guy who will make USUALLY make a person feel attracted and notice his good qualities. The shy kid (friend zoned) is often ignored or thought of as a way to relieve tension by talking to someone who will console and compliment you
Sophie 378
Avvie by ybbor
Qualities as an attractive male rather than as a friend, yes! I mostly find looks rather irrelevant in forming/developing friendships - but if I hadn't noticed his qualities as a friend, I wouldn't have been friends with him.
(We got to know each other on a school trip; he was in the seat in front of me for driving Wales to Spain, a very very long time. So, we got talking, found we liked each other, were friends for the next few years, but just-friends friends rather than bf/gf. Later on, at A-level college, we met again, restarted the friendship, then I suddenly noticed I was flirting with him!)
Sometimes I feel lust for a guy based soley on what he looks like: but then if I don't like him at all, then he's off the friendship and b/f lists. I can understand fancying someone you don't like, or one-night stands, but I really feel pretty o_O
about people wanting an actual relationship with people they aren't friends with.
(We got to know each other on a school trip; he was in the seat in front of me for driving Wales to Spain, a very very long time. So, we got talking, found we liked each other, were friends for the next few years, but just-friends friends rather than bf/gf. Later on, at A-level college, we met again, restarted the friendship, then I suddenly noticed I was flirting with him!)
Sometimes I feel lust for a guy based soley on what he looks like: but then if I don't like him at all, then he's off the friendship and b/f lists. I can understand fancying someone you don't like, or one-night stands, but I really feel pretty o_O
about people wanting an actual relationship with people they aren't friends with.Please, don't turn this thread into
we've had that thread already.
Blasphemous, any updates? I got my relationship with my gf going by getting her interested in the writings of Steven Brust, you could try that too.
And my great... sense of humour too, of course.
Fifty the Player
vs
Everyone Else
vs
Everyone Else
we've had that thread already.
Blasphemous, any updates? I got my relationship with my gf going by getting her interested in the writings of Steven Brust, you could try that too.
And my great... sense of humour too, of course.
Fifty
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Like I said, it is entirely possible to get girls without being "that guy". All I'm saying that if it were a morality free race to see who get get the most chicks (and not even whores or anything just normal girls), "that guy" would win.
HOWEVER, that isn't to say that other tactics can't win. I do think though that the best friend route is to be avoided at all cost, unless you want to be the guy who the girl describes as "like my best friend, I can tell him ANYTHING, I love him sooooooo much!". Trust me, you do not want to be the "best guy friend that she goes to for relationship advice" because it will just tear you up inside that she dates all the jerks that she does and doesn't notice you as being any more than a friend.
A nice comprimise between immoral jerk and blubbering best friend is to just be confident, be relaxed, pay attention to everything she says like your life depends on it, think of stupid little creative activities to make yourself seem like a fun person, and start going on informal dates right away. Girls give off clues like crap gives off stink, so it should be pretty obvious whether she is digging you or not. If yes, go in for the kill. If she isn't digging you, either try and salvage (which is very very hard) or just forget about it and move to the next girl.
HOWEVER, that isn't to say that other tactics can't win. I do think though that the best friend route is to be avoided at all cost, unless you want to be the guy who the girl describes as "like my best friend, I can tell him ANYTHING, I love him sooooooo much!". Trust me, you do not want to be the "best guy friend that she goes to for relationship advice" because it will just tear you up inside that she dates all the jerks that she does and doesn't notice you as being any more than a friend.
A nice comprimise between immoral jerk and blubbering best friend is to just be confident, be relaxed, pay attention to everything she says like your life depends on it, think of stupid little creative activities to make yourself seem like a fun person, and start going on informal dates right away. Girls give off clues like crap gives off stink, so it should be pretty obvious whether she is digging you or not. If yes, go in for the kill. If she isn't digging you, either try and salvage (which is very very hard) or just forget about it and move to the next girl.
Syterion
Voodoo Economist
I'm going to have to disagree with you on the fact that you should be attentive to her all the time. Girls want to know that you don't need them. Then they want you more. Human nature. So if you give her undivided attention then you become in her eyes an insecure compliment-monkey. And that is unacceptable. Make her laugh, but don't make her your world. Girls have those pathetic platonic male best friends for getting their emotional needs fulfilled, so don't try to fulfill them unless she's the one you plan to marry or someone. Otherwise I'd say Fifty's advice is solid.
Oh, and one more thing. Anyone who says "just be yourself" is an idiot. Not because you should pretend to be someone else, but if "yourself" can't get any ladies, then you can't wait for that suddenly to change. You have to grow a spine and get some confidence and then your natural personality will actually be appealing.
Fifty
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Syterion said:
Pay attention to her does not mean shower her with creepy compliments and crap like that, it just means that (when you don't want to use my standard advice which is make her jealous) you need to let her talk about herself. All girls want to do is talk about themselves, and 90% of guys get this idea that "to be confident is to talk about one's self all the time" which is BS. Most people think I'm an immoral jerk for even attempting to give the definite best strategies for getting girls, so I tried giving a "nice guy" approach because nobody around here seems to be willing to play the game.
The BEST advice, moral leanings aside, is to treat her like crap. By this I don't mean treat her like crap in like an "insult her and point out her flaws" type of way, but more in a "I'm so freaking amazing that I don't need you" way.
The reason girls are obsessed with shoes and cloths magazines is because they are all very materialistic. They want what htey can't have. While every girl will put up a front claimig that they want a "nice, honest, good looking guy who makes them laugh". The truth is that girls want to have sex with the guy who has sex with all the girls.They want an Alpha Male. They want the guy who "doesn't need them".
That said, most people find that approach morally horrid, so the best way to go is to just try and play yourself out to be some unique fun-loving guy. Oh and I know you all wish it were so, but girls don't give half a freaking crap if you are smart unless you have tangible accomplishments to testify to your intelligence. Tangible accomplishments are not SAT score, Internet IQ tests, AP Courses, liking math, etc... To a girl, tangible accomplishments are money and status, because that is what they view to be the "alpha male". So, for example, Col would definitely be able to impress girls with intelligence because he has a doctrate from Cambridge (IIRC), but many of the CFC posters wouldn't be able to impress a girl with intelligence because all they can claim is maybe some science fair award and SAT scores. If you want to play the smart card, you have to dress nice and be articulate. Girls like linguistic intelligence, so you seem cultured. They don't give a crap how good at math you are. It is all status symbols to girls.
And as usual, 3-4 guys will vehemetly deny what I'm saying, and the few CFC girls will tell me I know nothing about girls, but I feel like I'm more right abotu this then just about anything else.
Fifty said:
I'll side with Fifty on this.
It's all about status.. you just need to show her, unlike usual where all the guys are kissing up to her, that you won't and that it's her who should be running after you and like magic she will. If you're kiss up to her you're trading your status for her approval, suggesting that she's higher status than you, that she could do better.
Anyway, there are two schools of thought, be as nice as possible hoping she'll pick you OR show her you have options and she needs to convince you to pick her. Give her a chalange. People don't value things that are easy to get.
Not that I'm an expert, I'm just starting to learn all this, but everything I've ever seen does in that direction. Look up what David DeAngelo has to say on the subject. It's a whole lot more useful than 'men are from mars women are from venus'.
Sophie 378
Avvie by ybbor
My caveat - refine that to "most girls" instead of "all girls" and I'll agree more than disagree.
Ok the two ways to get girls
1.If your one of the guys who get girls easily-its looks
2.Ugly people or shy people- Be Smart and funny
note you may be shy and look good but the shy effect makes you need smart and funny.
1.If your one of the guys who get girls easily-its looks
2.Ugly people or shy people- Be Smart and funny
note you may be shy and look good but the shy effect makes you need smart and funny.
Fifty
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Colonel said:
I totally disagree that it is looks. It is confidence. There are good looking guys who get NO girls because they are insecure, and there are moderate guys who get tons of girls because they know how girls think. Of course you can't be troll-ugly, but a minimal level of cleanliness is all that is really needed.
Most (sorry for generalizing before sofie) girls want what they are told they want. They don't want the shirt that looks good, they want the shirt that the celebrity wore in their latest magazine. They don't want the shoes that look the best, they want the shoes that are in the display window. They don't want the guy who looks good, they want the guy that they are told looks good. And how does a guy tell a girl that he looks good without sounding like a cocky idiot? Make her believe that you are the guy who has sex with tons of other girls. How do you make her believe that you are the guy who has sex with tons of other girls? confidence and "alpha maleism". confidence is pretty self-explanatory, and alpha maleism revolves around showing off your strengths through tangible accomplishments (as opposed to bragging).
The "girls only care about looks" thing is an excuse for people to explain why they don't get girls, when in fact it is more of an issue of just honing your game. You might say "well I usually see good looking girls with good looking guys!" This may be true, but it is because good looking guys have an easier time being confident, not because of their looks.
Gr3yL3gion
Voice of Madness
Additional rules: Do not suplicate her.
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