Blonde Jokes

[Cotton_Eyed_Joe]

C'mon Everyone Post your Blonde Jokes Here

A man was on a flight to New York from LA. He was sitting next to a blonde lady. He decided to have some fun, so he asked the blonde to play a game. The game went like this: he would ask a question, and if she didn't know the answer, she would pay him $10, and vis versa.

The blonde refused, and tried to take a nap, but the man, instead of giving up, said "I'll pay you $100 for every question I don't know, and you can only pay me $10. Okay?" The blonde finally accepted.

The man asked: "Who is the leader of Russia?" The blonde promptly handed him a $10 bill. Then she asked: "What is black and white and runs up hills backwards?" The man pondered on this for a while, then took out his laptop and preceeded to check all his references, email all his friends, and ask the question in chat rooms.

After an hour the man handed the blonde $100, then asked "What was it anyway?" The blonde handed him a $10 bill and chuckled.
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A blonde, a brunette and a redhead were stuck on an island for many, many years until one day they found a magic lamp. They rubbed it hard and out popped a genie. He said that he could only give three wishes so since there were three girls, each would get one wish. The redhead went first. ''I hate it here. It is too hot and boring. I want to go home!'' ''Okay,'' replied the genie. And off she went. Then the brunette went. ''I miss my family, my friends and relatives. I want to go home, too!!'' And off she went. The blonde started crying and said, ''I wish my friends were back here!''

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A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience.

She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.

In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider.

Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup and she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune...

...the Wal-Mart manager runs out and unplugs the horse.

 

[Cotton_Eyed_Joe]

A blonde went to a flight school, insisting she wanted to learn to fly that day. As all the planes were currently in use, the owner agreed to instruct her on how to pilot the helicopter solo by radio.

He took her out, showed her how to start it and gave her the basics and sent her on her way.

After she climbed 1000 feet, she radioed in. "I'm doing great! I love it! The view is so beautiful, and I'm starting to get the hang of this."

After 2000 feet, she radioed again, saying how easy it was becoming to fly. The instructor watched her climb over 3000 feet, and was beginning to worry that she hadn't radioed in.

A few minutes later, he watched in horror as she crashed about half a mile away. He ran over and pulled her from the wreckage.

When he asked what happened, she said, "I don't know! Everything was going fine, but as I got higher, I was starting to get cold. I can't remember anything after I turned off the big fan."

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On a plane bound for New York the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class section and requested that she move to the coach section since she did not have a first class ticket.

The blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York, and I'm not moving."

Not wanting to argue with a customer, the flight attendant asked the co-pilot to speak with her. He went to talk with the woman asking her to please move out of the first class section. Again, the blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York, and I'm not moving."

The co-pilot returned to the cockpit and asked the captain what he should do. The captain said, "I'm married to a blonde, and I know how to handle this."

He went to the first class section and whispered in the blonde's ear. She immediately jumped up and ran to the coach section mumbling to herself, "Why didn't anyone just say so."

Surprised, the flight attendant and the co-pilot asked what he said to her that finally convinced her to move from her seat.

The pilot replied, "I told her the first class section wasn't going to New York."
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One day, two blondes went shopping at a local mall. When they were finished, they went outside to their car, which happened to be a convertible.

When they reached the car, they realized that they had locked the keys inside. So they both stood there and started thinking. They came up with the idea to try and open the car with a hanger. So one of them starts fiddling with the lock and the hanger. The other blonde looks up at the sky and suddenly becomes very worried.

"HURRY, HURRY," she urges. "IT'S GOING TO RAIN AND WE LEFT THE TOP DOWN!"

 

[Cotton_Eyed_Joe]

A policeman interrogates three blondes who are training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first blonde a picture for five seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The first blonde answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"

The policeman says, "Well, uh, thats because the picture shows his profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for five seconds at the second blonde and asks her, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"

The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?! Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third blonde and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer."

The blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "Hmm - the suspect wears contact lenses."

The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know if the suspect wears contacts or not. "Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file."

He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspects file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face. "Wow! I cant believe it. It's true! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"

"That's easy," the blonde replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."
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A young ventriloquist is touring clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting.

"I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person... because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general... and all in the name of humor!"

The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blonde yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little jerk on your knee!"

 

[BCLG100]

wasnt there like a huge blonde jokes thread awhile back

 

[madviking]

A blonde and a burnette are going to jump off a building who will land first?

Spoiler :

The burnette, the blonde has to stop and ask for directions.

 

[Cotton_Eyed_Joe]

Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted!

Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A: Pregnant.

Q: What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.

Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.

Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
A: For throwing out the W's.

Q: Why Did the Blonde get fired from the banana factory
A; She kept throwing away the bent ones

 

[Cotton_Eyed_Joe]

C'mon Everyone Post your Blonde Jokes Here

 

[Taliesin]

A blonde wants a new television, so she goes into an electronics store to inquire about one particularly fine-looking piece of equipment she sees in the window. Finding a salesman, she asks him, "How much for that television?"
He replies, "I'm sorry, miss, but it's our policy not to sell to blondes. Our sales research indicates that 67% of blondes break the product they buy, and then we have to replace them. It's dreadful for our profit margins."
Annoyed, she leaves and goes home. She comes back the next day, wearing a brunette wig, and asks again about the television, sure she has outsmarted the salesman. But again, he tells her, "I'm sorry, miss, but we do not sell to blondes."
A bit confused, she goes home, and returns the next day, wearing a red wig. She asks the salesman about the television, and he again tells her that the store does not sell to blondes. Greatly frustrated by this point, she demands to know how he always knows she's a blonde.
"Because, miss," he replies, "that is a microwave."

 

[garyg]

Three blondes walk into a building.
You think one of them would have seen it.

 

[Jesus Civs]

What's the difference between a blonde and a brunette?

Blondes have more fun.

 

[Grohan]

How many blonde jokes are there?

None, they are all true.

 

[bhsup]

Once upon a time, a blonde became so sick of hearing blonde jokes that she had her hair cut and died brown.

A few days later, as she was driving around the countryside, she stopped her car to let a flock of sheep pass. Admiring the cute woolly creatures, she said to the shepherd, "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one?" The shepherd, always the gentleman replied, "Of course." The blonde thought for a moment and for no discernible reason said, "352."

This being the correct number, the shepherd was, understandable, totally amazed and exclaimed, "You're right! O.K., I'll keep to my end of the deal. Take your pick of my flock." The blonde carefully considered the entire flock and finally picked one that was by far cuter and more playful than any of the others.

When she was done, the shepherd turned to her and said, "O.K., now I have a proposition for you. If I can guess your true hair color can I have my dog back?"

 

[diablodelmar]

Three blondes were walking through a forest one day when they came to a clearing. It was at this moment when the first blonde spied some tracks.
"Say, look at those wolf tracks!" she exclaimed.

The second blonde bent down to examine them,
"Those are not wolf tracks, its plain to see that they are bear tracks!" she said.

The third blonde was in disagreement:
"You're both wrong" she hastened to correct. "they are Deer tracks!"

Then they all got run over by a train.

 

[diablodelmar]

What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?

Take the pin out and throw it back.

 

[Swiss Bezerker]

What's the difference between a blonde and a brunette?

Blondes have more fun.

blondes may have more fun, but brunnettes get less Veneareal diseses

 

[LLXerxes]

A blonde went to the pharmacy.
She sees the medicine desk. She walks over to it.
She buys her pills and goes off to buy other things.
"Where's the bubble gum?" she asks the pharmacist.
"Over to the left." the pharmacist replies
The blonde tiptoes silently over to the gum, picks some up, and walks over to the pharmacist again.
"Where's the makeup?" she asks. "Over to the right." the pharmacist says.
She again tiptoes past the desk. "Miss, why -" the pharmacist begins to ask, but the blonde interputs. "SHH!"
She picks up some lipstick and eyeliner and walks back to the desk.
"Where's the shampoo?" she asks. "Way in the back." the pharmacist replies.
She again tiptoes past the pharmacists desk.
"Uh, miss" the pharmacist begins.
"Shh!" the blonde says.
"WHY ARE YOU TIPTOING AROUND THE DESK?" he blurts out.

Spoiler :

"Because I don't want to wake the sleeping pills" replies the blonde.

 

[puwen]

Why do blondes have bruises in their belly buttons?

Blonde guys aren't so smart either.

 

[conquer_dude]

I don't know if this has been said or not so...

There is a blonde lady at the barber shop with headphones on and she asks for a haircut.

Haircutter- Honey, I cant cut your hair with headphones on!

Blonde- If you take them off I'll die!

Haircutter- Uh...

(Haircutter takes the headphones off and throws them on the ground. She goes goes to get som shampoo in another room, and when she comes back, the blonde is dead. Haircutter listens to the headphones and has music saying:

Breathe in, Breathe out, Breathe in, Breathe out

 

[DragonRunner]

A brunette is jumping up and down on the railroad tracks shouting "21, 21, 21" A blonde comes by and says "Hey that looks like fun!"

She starts jumping, too. WHen the train comes along, the brunette jumps off the tracks. The Blonde doesn't and is smashed to bits. The Brunette gets back on the tracks and starts jumping, yelling "22, 22, 22, 22"

 

[conquer_dude]

22 blonde kills