I'd recommend to settle 3 tiles away. That way you don't make them aggressive while the outpost is turned into a city. Once the city is up you can quickly buy the nest tile, which makes the aliens friendly (blue color) after some time.
You can't buy tiles that are owned by an AI civ or a station, but alien-occupied tiles are fair game. Same worked in Civ V with tiles occupied by barbs and barb camps.
On quickest game speed, it took 75-80 turns with a nest within my borders before the aliens turned blue.