Chat-up lines (and turn-downs!)

[Pariah]

With Valentine's Day fast approaching, I thought it might be appropriate to pool ideas on witty propositional phrases - or sharp and unmistakable rejections thereto.

Here's a few:

Do you think you could fall for me?
- Only if I was pushed.

Every time I've come here, I've noticed you. I'd like to learn more about you.
- So would the police.

What's a beauty like you doing here?
- Trying to avoid you.

I think I could make you very happy.
- Why, are you leaving?

Your face is absolutely perfect.
- So is yours... for radio.

Can I have a tinkle on your piano keys?
- I'd rather you used the toilet.

 

[Achinz]

Attempt Mark 1:

You are one in a million.
-And you were won in a raffle.

 

[SuperBeaverInc.]

Originally posted by Pariah
I think I could make you very happy.
- Why, are you leaving?

This one is the best.

 

[allhailIndia]

Would you like to hear some poetry I wrote for you?
-I'd rather have my ear bitten off and spat out by Mike Tyson

I could stare at your eyes all day....
-Why, did you get laid off?

Your lips are soft, pink and tender, I'd like to feel their warmth...
-My shotgun is hard, long and nasty, wanna feel its bite?

My heart leaps with joy when I behold you....
-Take some Prozac and go home.

When I look at you, something tells me I would like to spend the rest of my life with you.
-So did my husband, before I bobitted him.

 

[Achinz]

Attempt Mark 2 - first three "punny":

I can't live without you.
-This is a grave matter indeed.

You're my soul mate.
-Your feet's too big.

My name's Dick what's yours?
-A contagious tropical skin disease.

Hi, my name's Dick.
-Don't tell me, your full name's Richard Cranium.

When can I see you again?
-Last Saturday.

 

[polymath]

There's always the old cheesy one-liners:

You're lips are like petals - bicycle petals.

Your teeth are like stars - they come out at night

...can't remember the rest but

 

[_Philospher_]

Can I get your number?:

Sure, but my answering machine may give you the weather.

 

[CivCube]

"I love women like you."

"So do I."

 

[SoCalian]

Here's one that only debate people would get.

"You spread your case, now why don't you spread your legs."

 

[Pariah]

That's a beautiful dress.
- Sorry, you can't have it!

I'd go through anything for you...
- Great: the exit's right there.

What would it take to get a kiss from you?
- Chloroform.

 

[CivCube]

Originally posted by SoCalian
Here's one that only debate people would get.

"You spread your case, now why don't you spread your legs."

"I haven't stated my counter-plan and disadvantages."

 

[The Person]

I wonder if such pickup-lines actually are used. With so many around you sure are going to look like a jerk if you use them.

And here are the twin smileypairs: