Dating Help: Should i blog ??

[Ramius75]

Too bad so sad, there is probably a 95% chance you'll never get her now.

You have already forfeited your chance to show yourself as an assertive "alpha male" type (the type of guy girls like), and now you have lapsed into "best guy friend" mode. The girl will remain your good friend forever, and it will torment you, and you'll long for the day when it becomes "more than just friends" but that will probably never happen. Instead, you'll be the guy she calls up whe she has guy trouble with other guys, and you'll sit there kicking yourself wondering why she dates "jerks" instead of nice guys like yourself. She'll probably even say "I love you", which will torment the living hell out of you because you'll hold out hope (beyond all reason) that she means the type of love as in "relationship love" when all she really means is "best friend love".

Although I'm almost sure you won't get her now, here is my advice for how to make the best of the situation and maximize whatever little chance you have:

1.) start being somewhat of an "overconfident" type to everyone but her. You can't act like that around her now because you've already revealed yourself to be the "gentle, best guy friend" type, so don't try it because you'll seem fake.

2.) hope that she asks why you act so different to her.

3.) if she does, say that you don't know, and that she just makes you want to change. girls LOVE the idea of changing a guy, it makes them feel like they are good manipulators, and girls love manipulating.

4.) keep yourself just out of touch with her, to increase a sense of wonder or scarcity

5.) get another girlfriend, to make her jealous

6.) while dating other girl, sortof ignore her to increase that sense of wonder/scarcity

7.) start flirting with her while you are still dating the other girl, and slowly start spending more time with her while treating the other girl worse and worse.

8.) check for signals that she is digging you. If she is, good job. If not, game over forever.


None of that was meant to be mean or a joke. Good luck! And remember: there are millions of fish in the sea. I know you think this girl is probably unique or special, but don't worry if you fail. Just give it a few months and you'll be diggin' someone else. Whatever you do don't seem desperate. Girls smell fear.


edit: also, if you aren't into "tactics" oriented dating (I'm guessing you are though because you made the topic), there is of course the ever-so-tiny chance that you are after one of the extremely rare girls that actually likes the whole "pour out your heart" type. This is most likely if she just got done with a major ******* for a boyfriend or had an f'ed up childhood or something. Thank your lucky stars if this is the case, because you could still be in the game!

Thanks for the advise, was told the same thing too from another guy friend. But to get another girl just to make this 1 jealous seems so not right. Another girl will be hurt in the process.(unless she knows that she is playing a game)

Dunno what she sees in me in the first place except that i keep her in contact(on and off) for almost a year b4 i even meet her. Then seems like we are meeting once a month to now like almost every week.(but still with her groups of friends) so maybe let me pray hard then(atheist here) and hope for the best.

 

[Fifty]

Thanks for the advise, was told the same thing too from another guy friend. But to get another girl just to make this 1 jealous seems so not right. Another girl will be hurt in the process.(unless she knows that she is playing a game)

Dunno what she sees in me in the first place except that i keep her in contact(on and off) for almost a year b4 i even meet her. Then seems like we are meeting once a month to now like almost every week.(but still with her groups of friends) so maybe let me pray hard then(atheist here) and hope for the best.

read my second edit for what to do if she is that rare type of girl. And thanks for not calling me a jerk for telling it like it is!

 

[Fifty]

And also, I know it can seem hard to play it "like a game" but then you have to ask yourself if you really want a relationship with her. I know how easy it can be to lapse into essentially worshippping her, and I know it can seem difficult to do things like ignore her to increase her longing. However, you gotta do what you gotta do. You have to just understand how the female mind works. People want what they can't have.

 

[Ramius75]

And also, I know it can seem hard to play it "like a game" but then you have to ask yourself if you really want a relationship with her. I know how easy it can be to lapse into essentially worshippping her, and I know it can seem difficult to do things like ignore her to increase her longing. However, you gotta do what you gotta do. You have to just understand how the female mind works. People want what they can't have.

yes, ironic isnt it? i cant really understand females also. But i was giving the same advise too from a friend, told me to play hard, get her to call me instead etc etc this type of things. hahaha, he told me to do so that i can get a level playing field with her.

wonder why they cant be more straight forward ?

 

[Fifty]

wonder why they cant be more straight forward ?

Who knows. But it sure is totally full of mind games. Probably has to do with a few factors. For one, there is just the basic trait of human nature that you want what you can't have. Guys are guilty of that one just as much as girls. Also, and I know some girl is going to tell me I'm wrong for this, but girls love being controlled by a big strong "alpha male". It all goes back to evolution I'd imagine. They like being controlled and they occasionally even like being treated as objects, but they also like feeling like they can "change" a guy. It is sortof paradoxical. On the one hand girls want a guy to control the hell out of them (this due to nature) and on the other hand they want to believe in their gullible little heads that they are one of the "smart, sexy, independant women" that pop-culture and all their stupid little magazines tell them they should be. They read in Cosmo that it is good to be a "bimbo with a brain". By this I mean at the one hand they are being told to be brainy and independant, and on the otherhand they are reading articles about how to look as slutty as possible without being truly labelled a slut, and features about 500 ways to give good head.

You have a choice, you can either tell yourself all this isn't true and hardly ever get the girl you want, or you can play to win. I respect both choices, and they both have benefits as well as disadvantages in my opinion.

 

[Gr3yL3gion]

Like what fifty said, whatever you do, stop worship her.

 

[Ramius75]

Who knows. But it sure is totally full of mind games. Probably has to do with a few factors. For one, there is just the basic trait of human nature that you want what you can't have. Guys are guilty of that one just as much as girls. Also, and I know some girl is going to tell me I'm wrong for this, but girls love being controlled by a big strong "alpha male". It all goes back to evolution I'd imagine. They like being controlled and they occasionally even like being treated as objects, but they also like feeling like they can "change" a guy. It is sortof paradoxical. On the one hand girls want a guy to control the hell out of them (this due to nature) and on the other hand they want to believe in their gullible little heads that they are one of the "smart, sexy, independant women" that pop-culture and all their stupid little magazines tell them they should be. They read in Cosmo that it is good to be a "bimbo with a brain". By this I mean at the one hand they are being told to be brainy and independant, and on the otherhand they are reading articles about how to look as slutty as possible without being truly labelled a slut, and features about 500 ways to give good head.

You have a choice, you can either tell yourself all this isn't true and hardly ever get the girl you want, or you can play to win. I respect both choices, and they both have benefits as well as disadvantages in my opinion.

well, i do have to agreed with that too, we love to get things we cant get. and most often than not, dump them after we "got" them and look for new challenge.

I like her too much to think i will resolve to mind tricks like making her jealous or something like that... let me try my approach then, if i lose her my way, i got no regrets. I like her the way she is, and hope she likes me too for what i am.

 

[Ramius75]

Like what fifty said, whatever you do, stop worship her.

This is something i can do. ya, will do that.

 

[Fifty]

I like her too much to think i will resolve to mind tricks like making her jealous or something like that... let me try my approach then, if i lose her my way, i got no regrets. I like her the way she is, and hope she likes me too for what i am.

The one good tip that you could probably apply without sacrificing your honesty or whatever is to just tell yourself that you don't care either way. You don't just have to pretend, you have to actually believe that it doesn't matter either way (and it doesn't). That way, you will be way more relaxed around her.


The cruel fact is that the more you like a girl, the less easy it is to play mind games and be relaxed, and so the less chance you have. But if you only kindof like a girl, it is easier, and so you have a better chance. bah!

 

[Ramius75]

The one good tip that you could probably apply without sacrificing your honesty or whatever is to just tell yourself that you don't care either way. You don't just have to pretend, you have to actually believe that it doesn't matter either way (and it doesn't). That way, you will be way more relaxed around her.


The cruel fact is that the more you like a girl, the less easy it is to play mind games and be relaxed, and so the less chance you have. But if you only kindof like a girl, it is easier, and so you have a better chance. bah!

ya, i saw alot of that too, ppl who are too eager to please, just like me. i also want to play it cool, its been 3 days since i talk to her already, haha. well, maybe will let her call me instead.

 

[Neonanocyborgasm]

I should add that I think Fifty's idea, while it can work, is far too much of an effort for any girl. I haven't seen much evidence in my lifetime that complex manipulation is more effective than simple, straightforward approaches.

 

[Lambert Simnel]

wonder why they cant be more straight forward ?

Maybe this is the root of your problem. Your treating women like a different species, rather than just treating the girl you're interested in as a person that, well, you're interested in.

Oh, and IMHO, the whole "playing it cool" stuff is more likely to make you come over and false and manipulative, and is a lousy basis for a long term relationship. Just relax, speak to her, and realise that if you both want to date, then it will happen. And if one of you doesn't, then it won't happen, and it's better that way. (Unreciprocated crushes are not a worthwhile way of spending your life)

 

[Ramius75]

Well if what you want with her is a serious long term relationship, then youre going to have to stop acting like a puppy dog, leaping to satisfy her slightest whim. She expresses an interest in blogs? Great good for her. What are you going to do if she mentions she likes tap dancing, start taking lessons? Dont perform tricks on command like a puppy. Women have long term relationships with puppies, but not the kind youre looking for.

Man, u're genius bozo. Now she is asking me to take up salsa classes with her. Oh i hate dancing.

 

[Kyriakos]

I do not think that writin things about yourself in a publicly viewable site is a good idea, and it becomes even less of a good idea when you do it because you were asked by a girl, who you do not appear to understand at all. For all you know her intentions are immature, and (another possibility) even not at all pleasant towards you. You probably are a teen, but you should realise that a teen girl ussually is not behaving like a woman, and can be very far away from becomming a woman anyway (by which i do not mean the actual sexual experience, which is very important, but i also mean her emotions towards a boy/man, which can be utterly childish). If someone is not feeling confident with his/hers sexual role then they are not ready for a relationship. Now if you are a teen and just want to have a friendship with a girl you should at least try to find one who is reasonable, and cares for you, otherwise you run the risk of being hurt.

 

[Ramius75]

Well, both of us are extremely childlish. the girl more than me.

Its quite difficult to understand the girl also. haiz. so all i can do it trying to know her more by getting more involved into her life. (i dont have any life to begin with, so its ok)

 

[Kyriakos]

Then i would really advise you to leave her alone. Do not think that her childishness is something "cute"; every girl has to become comfortable with the role of a woman, and being "extremely childish" means that she is very far away from reaching that point. How old are you exactly by the way? Since it is one thing to be childish when at 14, and another one to be childish at 18 (and some are childish at 50 as well).
At any rate do not even consider that you can ever have a sexual relationship with a childish girl. Trying to achieve that can easily confuse you for many years to come.
If you cannot understand why she is behaving like she is then it is dangerous to try to. Many people reach old age without being able to understand almost anything at all about the behaviour of women, and this ofcourse doesnt do them any good. That said it is very difficult for most people to b able to comprehend why a girl would be behaving in immature ways, but you definately would not be understanding more about her by listening to her own views about herself, which can be either outright lies, or at any rate seriously confused. If you are 18 or over 18 then i suggest that you start trying to understand your own behaviour first, and your own emotions about sex and your body. If you do not do that first then you will definately be facing many difficulties with women. Those who have many relationships and are not destroyed in the process, are very aware of their own characteristics and confident with both their sexual and their intellectual roles. Others are acting on impulse, driven by instincts, and can be forming very problematic views about their relations with their partner, and those views ofcourse infest the rest of their life as well. So if you are over 18 you should think about how you view yourself as a potentially sexually active man.
If you are less than 18, eg 14,15 etc, you can still start thinking about it if you want, but keep in mind that sex is not a race, and it will not matter if you had sex at 18,19,20 or after that; it will matter if you were ready for it, and didnt form problematic views due to it.

 

[Ramius75]

Then i would really advise you to leave her alone. Do not think that her childishness is something "cute"; every girl has to become comfortable with the role of a woman, and being "extremely childish" means that she is very far away from reaching that point. How old are you exactly by the way? Since it is one thing to be childish when at 14, and another one to be childish at 18 (and some are childish at 50 as well).
At any rate do not even consider that you can ever have a sexual relationship with a childish girl. Trying to achieve that can easily confuse you for many years to come.

we are 30 and 26 respectively mega nerds.

 

[Kyriakos]

Its ok, like i said many people are still not comfortable with sex, even at older ages. That is not the problem. But you definately need to start thinking about sex itself, and not be of the view that if you get closer to the girl then you will magically be instantly confident with having sex.
Also a girl who is equally confused about her sexual role will not be able to help you, on the contrary she will be having issues as well, and you do not need that.

 

[Ramius75]

Its ok, like i said many people are still not comfortable with sex, even at older ages. That is not the problem. But you definately need to start thinking about sex itself, and not be of the view that if you get closer to the girl then you will magically be instantly confident with having sex.
Also a girl who is equally confused about her sexual role will not be able to help you, on the contrary she will be having issues as well, and you do not need that.

yes, i do have to agreed on this.