This thread is so cool
Here comes a long long post ... sorry
(I hope ideas are not too messed-up)
just about rape and all that 'misogynic' stuff (hope there is no spelling error)
IMO, in FfH, there are not male/female inequity... because male and female are inegal !!!! (shocking no?) really.. we are not the same : one can bear child, one cannot, one get (usually) a stronger build, one doesn't, one can easilly be forced to have sex, for the other it is a bit more difficult.. achievable but a bit more difficult.. add to that that our emotional system doesn't function in the same way, that our gonad system (and thus maybe lust) are different, (women being in cycles and men not) this allows for much more differences between the two sex as a standard equality would mean. Both sex are humans, but there are many inherent differences... it doesn't mean one is worth more than the other...
and you may add that most male are more compelled to have sex with a female than with another male...
having a guy rape another male is less frequent (not unheard off but..) than doing it with a female. (how many time do you heard on the radio or TV of guys raped or killed with signes of aptempted rape ??)
in a world with untold horrors, so much chaos and evil, it is "normal" that female destiny (even strong ones) when caught/prisonner or pillaged is to be ravished. You won't hear of the man because either : they are forced into the army, they are killed if too old, too aggressive, too young, they are slod as slaves and that end here. maybe the orc, demons and vampire eat them.
then with women they can do the same thing + have forced sex... more fun to them.
not-using prisoner (or lower-level) women as such asks for a degree of civilization and of public morallity that is sparse in FfH evil-civs but not inexistant.
furthermore, mostly, having strong leaders and charcter includes them having had very hard times before "you forge the better blades in the hotest forges". In fantasy lore it means real hard times : having familly killed, being an abused slave, having friends betray you...etc most colorful charcters comes form those sources. (ok, or jsut being totally evil) that is why some leaders are portrayed has having such hard debuts.
I would propose you two book series that are really really treating women as equals to men (best way to envision male-female relation IMO) one is SF, one is Fantasy (oups, dark fantasy).
-honor harrington serie from dave weber : women are typically equal to men, the heroine is a woman, maybe one of the most strong-will caracter ever made. but when you leave the protection of civilized peoples, the women are badly treated... maybe more so than men.
-fifth millenium from stirling and Meyer : women and men are equals. heroine are women, they are treated just as bad, and can accomplish just as much. but women in those barbaric land are more often raped than males...
you won't ever find those books misogynics..
just saying your issue with women in FfH is maybe more a problem with accepting differences between sexs and that when in position of bloodlust and barbarism, men and women act differently, that maybe women tend to do more data processing with there emotions than men and men more with brute strength... adn both with intelligence, sometimes.
then, men (enven dark fantasy men) are more emotional about girls than about boys. they are more willing to go to war over their only girl than over there only son... (well, not really, but there will be different emotion behind) and reverse is true. so having die little boy instead of a elisabeth would need a woman to speak with cassiel to get the same emotional intensity... changing the whole story and not just a 'sex detail'... because having a desperate farm woman coming to cassiel would lose some appeal. so she would have to be interesting, meaning not your usual peace-town citizen... and thus the back story would have to change...etc.
as for 'princess rules'.. I'd love to have back soome unicorns you know, the mean viscious horse shaped creature, that impals all that moves...
and I really love the cassiel entry... one of my prefered charcater in FfH I don't play him often as I'm not a very good grigori player but I love this guy !!