Dubya's Quest

[Dumdumdumdum]

If you are one of those folks who like President Bush, stop reading here. Thank god your kind is decreasing every day.

Chapter 1: The Dawn Of Evil

In the begining Sid pulled some of the greatest and most heroic being from the course of human history to found civilizations. Unforchanatly he ran out of those. Needing to fill the last slot he picked...

Sid: Dubya... DUBYA!

Dubya: Huh? What?

Sid: Get your finger out of your nose, take this band of warriors and this band of settlers. You must use them to build a civilization that can withstand the test of time.

Dubya: ...o.k. I thought I stopped drinking...

Sid: You are not drunk, I have transported you to a new world. You are to tame it and interact with its other inhabitants. Do you understand?

Dubya: No.

Sid: Well than let me start you with a tip. Yours setters should found a city right on the spot. It has plenty of beautiful and useful resources.

Dubya: Ok... OH MY GOD! LOOK AT ALL THAT GOLD! I'll be even richer!

Sid: I'll leave now, before you start making out with the gold ore...

Dubya: Ok. I will now found a city to mine that gold. I'll call it Washington, because somthing with that much money to give me has to be real patriotic!

 

[Dumdumdumdum]

Chapter 2: Enter Dick

Dubya: Okay, now that I have my pretty city... now what should I do? Hey look its Dick Cheney!

Dick: Hello Dubya. I'll be your adviser. May I suggest building mines, so we may suck the land dry of its natural golden goodness?

Dubya: Sure. THE GOLD WILL BE ALL MINE!

Dick: Ahem...

Dubya: I mean ours...

 

[Dumdumdumdum]

Chapter 3: Condoleezza to the rescue!

RRRRRIIIIINNNNG!

Dubya: Oh look a flashing button. What happens when I press it?

Suryavarman II: Howdy Neighbor. I am Suryavarman II of the Khmar Empire. Lets be friends!

Dubya: Arggg! The button makes an ugly monster appear. MONSTER RUN!

Suryavarman II: Why thank you, peace would be nice... WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?

Dubya: MONSTER! ALL TROOPS PREPARE TO ATTACK!

???: DUBYA STOP!

Dubya: Who said that?

Condoleezza: I did. Now don't declare war on him. He's not a monster, just another world leader. Sid gave him a civilization as well.

Dubya: But Condoleezza, I wanna go to war. And how do you know he's not a monster?

Condoleezza: It too early, and I can't think of an excuse to justify a war yet. We haven't been attacked by terrorists, and no religions exist yet so we can't call it a crusade. I know this stuff because Sid made me your and adviser.

Dybya: Fine. I won't kill the monster.

Suryavarman II: Your not as foolish as you first appear, Dubya. I am pleased.

Condoleezza: I wouldn't get my hopes up about him Suryavarman...

Dubya:

 

[Quildavyr]

Interesting. Good luck!

 

[Dumdumdumdum]

I just played quite a bit, and its gonna get much more interesting. Now I have a lot of posts to make

 

[Patricman]

good keep them up. what did the goody hut right outside your city give you when you cultured it?

 

[wilboman]

"MONSTER RUN!" Highly amusing.

 

[Dumdumdumdum]

The hut gave the worker you see in the second screenie. I will have the next part up sometime this afternoon.

 

[Inspector Javert]

Can we PLEASE stop the anti-Bush threads? If you hate the guy that much post on www.bushcaused911tohelpthejewsgetalltheoilsohecantakeovertheworld.com this site is for Civilization discussions not political discussions.

 

[tycoonist]

Can we PLEASE stop the anti-Bush threads? If you hate the guy that much post on www.bushcaused911tohelpthejewsgetalltheoilsohecantakeovertheworld.com this site is for Civilization discussions not political discussions.

chill out. it looks interesting and nobody's forcing you to read it.

 

[Dumdumdumdum]

Chapter 4: New York, New York

Condoleezza: Dubya, I advise you to build another city.

Dubya: OK!

Dick: But Dubya, more citys costs us more money. DON'T DO IT!

Condoleezza: Dubya... you can use the city to produce more units for world domination!

Dubya:

Dubya: I think I'll call this city 'Ponyland'

Dick: No... just no. I will not allow you to call the city that.

Dubya: Then call it 'Cheneysmean'. I'm going to my room to sulk because I did not get my way. Humph.

Dick: *Walks into city* By the power vested in me by the awsome Despot Dubya, I hereby dub this city 'New York'.

Dubya: CONDOLEEZA! COME QUICK!

Condoleezza: Yes? Whats wrong?

Dubya: A giant wall monster has sourounded Washington! We must rally the troops to fight it off!

Condoleezza: Thats not a monster... its the Great Wall. It keeps the barb... um... it keeps the terrorists out of our lands. It also provides the city of Washington with .

Dubya: Umm... whats ?

Condoleezza: Well... it makes your cities more powerful and influential. The more of it you have, the harder you will be to conquer.

Dubya: So is some sort of weapon then? HORRAY! I GOT A NEW WEAPON TO PLAY WITH!

Condoleezza:

Dick: Dubya, floods have washed out some of the routes near Washington.

Dubya: Then send for FEMA... no wait, I have a better idea... Offer one of your business friends a no bid contract to fix the road. pay no heed to cost. In fact, why not let them set the price.

Dick: Gotcha

Condoleezza: Good news Dubya. We have researched Monotheism. As a result Judaism has been founded in New York.

Dubya: ...Their are about 10000 potentially offensive things I could say right about now, but I think I'll just change the subject. When are we going to research some awesome weapons? I wanna pillage and conquer every living human being?

Condoleezza: Here is my plan. We should B-Line to research Gun Powder. Then you can have a huge weapons advantage. According to my charts one of the Techs we will reasearch along the way is Theology. If we get that before anything else, we can found Christianity.

Dubya: Sweet. Dangerous weapons, and a religion that I can manipulate to serve my own twisted needs. GUNPOWDER HO!

 

[pikesfan]

I guess to be fair we need to have Bill Clinton's quest too (or Hilary's?).

 

[wilboman]

I suppose that would have to aim for a diplo victory.

 

[Killroyan]

I guess you will have to build the internet and then laugh at Al Gore for winning the election back then Subscribing.

 

[Dumdumdumdum]

Well then, It seems the general option is that I should continue the story. So continue I shall. I'm home sick today, so assuming my Wifi doesn't screw up, I should post several entries today.

 

[Quildavyr]

Would you tell us the difficulty level?

I dont know why,but I am kind of jealous,we dont have a female minister of war...

 

[Dumdumdumdum]

I'm not that great of a player, so only Cheiftan. This is actualy my first time playing any level other than settler.

 

[Dumdumdumdum]

Chapter 5: Boston Christians

Dubya: Some weird monument sprang up in New York overnight. The weird circle of rocks must have been erected to summon the terrorist mothership... How long till we get gunpowder again?

Dick: Thats just Stonehenge. It just provides alot of those Defensive weapons Condoleezza was talking about.

Dubya: HEAR THAT TERRORISTS! WE HAVE DEFENSIVE WEAPONS. TRY AND TAKE OUR CITY'S NOW, PUNK!

Dubya: ...We have founded Boston. Now the liberals have their base of operations.

Condoleezza: Don't worry Dubya, we aren't anywhere near discovering liberalism. We will be fine for quite awhile. Oh, and we founded another city as well.

Dubya: Philly, eh? Oh Look, more gold for my war chest!

Dick: Let the strip mining begin!

Condoleezza: Good news Dubya. We were the first to research Theology. Christianity has been founded in Boston.

Dubya: Wow... now Boston and New York can hate each other over baseball and religion.

Dick: Don't forget to endorse Christianity as our state religion.

Dubya: REVOLUTION!

 

[Inspector Javert]

even though the anti-bush threads are wearing VERY thin, I loved the "now New York and Boston can hate other over religion AND baseball.

 

[Dumdumdumdum]

Chapter 6: Spreading the Faith

Dubya: Look at the pretty building! Is that my new palace?

Condoleezza: No its the Temple of Artemis.

Dubya: I will not permit a tempal for a Pagan God to exist in my America. I hearby rename this wonder 'The Temple of Dubya' BOW DOWN AND WORSHIP ME MORTAL!

Condoleezza:

Dick: Our Missionary has spread the faith to one of the Khmer citys. Their ugly leader has adopted has adopted it as a state religion.

Dubya: So he have a steady alley now?

Dick: Acording to our spys he is one turn away from founding a religion of his own. He might convert shortly.

Dubya: Well, if he dose, I'll brand him as a terrorist, and he'll have to live in constant fear of a 'premetive strike' from THE WORLDS GREATEST NATION!

Dick: Amen!

------

rrrrriiiiinnnngggg!

Suryavarman: Hello?

Dubya: Hello, my new ally who is as handsome as I am smart, I have a question for you. Do you intend to desert your newfound faith as soon as you found your own heathen religion?

Suryavarman: Of course!

Dubya: Very well, I know this can be a sensitive matter...

Suryavarman: Okay... bye

*click*

Dubya: Raaaaaagh!!!!!!!!!