Empire: Like a Melody in my Head - HOI2 Japan AAR

[Luckymoose]

Nation: Japan
Year: 1936
Difficulty: Normal/Normal
​

And now Luckymoose proudly presents a new After Action Report for your enjoyment, this will be a game of HOI2 Armageddon 1.3b as the nation of Japan. The goals are simple, conquer the world in the name of anime, pokemon and sushi.

Empire's like a melody in my head
That I can't keep out
Got me singin' like
Na na na na everyday

The Japanese Empire in 1936 is one of the most powerful nations on the planet, economically, militarily and ofcourse, sexually. It is only a matter of time before our perversions and mighty power spread across the globe. The importation of oil from the United States is a vital resources, as our lubricants need it, and without lube the Empire will certainly fall into anarchy and decay. So the plans have been made to preserve the empire and expand our resources to better produce electronics for the rest of the world to buy up without even knowing what it is. So begins the activation of plan A, also affectionately known as The Emperor's Secret Plan to Conquer the World by American politicians.

A quick view of our political situation shows that we are superior in every single way to the west. The emperor has ordered the building of the following war machines for our coming conquests.

And finally the research divisions of the empire. Having already discovered touch screen technology and every potential sexual act in the universe, it has been decided that other, more relevant technologies must be looked into.

The plans are in motion and the Empire plans to strike in March of 1937. Who can possibly resist the powers of the divine and unnaturally powerful sexual auras of the Japanese? We shall see.

 

[sophie]

This looks good. I'll definitely be keeping my eye on this one.

 

[ComradeDavo]

A fave tactic of mine as Japan in HOI2 is to invade Guangxi Clique is they go to war with China in 1936. That way you won't war with China and can secure a god base in it's south before Marco Polo bridge.

 

[steviejay]

subscription post. good luck

 

[Captain2]

I tried playing as Japan once, the Yankee fleet destroyed my beautiful IJN

I took far more of their ships then they did of mine, but still a bad loss

 

[Luckymoose]

Chapter 1: I like your pants around your feet


January 1st - July 4th 1936


If you ain't got no navy
take your broke ass home

So these guys want to make changes, well not in the perfect Empire, after crushing them and forcing them onto a perverted spin off of Fear Factor the coup is defeated and we move on to more important matters. The Emperor is not pleased with the current administration and makes a few important changes.

With some new faces in the mighty orgy room of Hirohito it is only a matter of time before the Empire becomes the worlds most powerful power like thing. Our mighty scientists have discovered ways to improving our industrial efficiency and this somehow roughly equals out to 5% more IC. The schoolgirls are pleased.

Further research into the field carries on into the summer. It is around this time, in mid-June of 1936 that the following event happens.

Silliness runs rampant in the under educated and inferior Chinese lands. As the Nationalists and the traitor to the Empire, Chiang, fight off the other less strong Chinese. I mean we will just call them all Chinese for simplicity sake since the whole place will be Japan when the time comes. Except for Sinkiang, that place rocks. The original plans would have led to our involvement in China starting in March of 1937, however plans have changed.

We declare war on the Chinese of this region while they have no friends, such a cunning plan! Operation Upskirt begins on July, 4th 1936, an obvious middle finger to democracy everywhere!

 

[Luckymoose]

Chapter 2: This is the way I live

We are Japan, so Japan, so Japan

Immediately the Japanese over run the stupid Chinese and begin the push to the industrial heart lands of seafoam green China. The glorious sexual beasts of Japanese military glory gloriously march to free the people.

We make quick work and move with a swiftness never before seen.

Pfft, you think the Japanese want to free people? Think again democracy! Take that ancient Greeks!

Operation Upskirt comes to an end with complete victory and annexation of Shanxi and the prepping for Operation Two in the Pink and One in the Stink.

 

[Serutan]

I can't belive you have the impertinance to conquer the world, but not in the name of Godzilla.
You will tremble before His righteous wrath!!!

 

[cardgame]

This looks really interesting and

 

[Luckymoose]

I can't belive you have the impertinance to conquer the world, but not in the name of Godzilla.
You will tremble before His righteous wrath!!!

Godzilla was made by the atomic bombings radiation, he will not exist in this timeline.

This looks really interesting and

The sexual prowess of the empire gleams like a diamond in an ice storm.

 

[Jos Ballenbak]

YEEEY JAPAN

http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=auE8QkNpVIQ

 

[Luckymoose]

Chapter 3: Many Men Wish Death Upon Me


Go, go, go, go
Go, go, go Japan
It's your birthday
We gon' invade China like it's yo birthday ​

Reforms made by the Emperor to the political scene are showing amazing progress. New industrial technologies are being pumped out faster than semen at a bukkake party.

It is around this time that we realize that the Communists around the globe are officially opposed to video games. It is likely that the little insane German boy who breaks his PC in anger brought this up to Hitler in a letter and as such we are now official signatories of the Anti-Commitern Fags pact.

The Chinese are growing increasingly unhappy with the Empire and Chiang even refused to purchase the fifth version of the Nintendo DS in defiance. As such an attempt to assassinate him has been put into motion.

This failure was probably due to increasing Xbox sales. In retaliation the Chinese started some fights over various trading card games in a shipyard and set back our destroyer production a couple months.

The Imperial Navy shows off the new plans for the next generation of Carriers, reportedly more calm and cool than the Kirk class.

Around the middle of March the Chinese manage to visit one of our hospitals and learn what medicine is. Now we know why Prometheus had to be tortured.

Chiang will be punished immediately for this crime! Down with democracy!

We make our move, one of only four at our disposal as we would have to trade off one for a new attack, and pick agility. We will kill the four divisions at Yantai and then make a tactical retreat back to stable lines.

Hahaha, the empire asserts immediate dominance by slaying four puny Chinese divisions!

This China place is quite nice when the ice thaws. BANZAI!

 

[philippe]

sugoii AAR, aniki

 

[Jos Ballenbak]

Are those DS-hating Chinese still at war with Guanxi?

 

[steviejay]

Godzilla was made by the atomic bombings radiation, he will not exist in this timeline.

not yet.....

 

[Luckymoose]

Chapter 4: I Remember When I Lost My Mind

War Right Mao!

So the early parts of the war were going fine and were completely straight, etc. The Emperor was very pleased, but some problems started to show up. Number one, we are outnumbered like Republicans at a college, and two we don't have a tech lead like we had thought.

Some early battles are intense and cause stalemates across the front. More soldiers are called from the Communist border but excessive bombing has destroyed the infrastructure.

We lose ground as we reorganize and prepare for the counter offensive. The Chinese hordes are rallied behind democracy and its suspected that most of the resources driving their defense comes from America. Convoy raiding has been hit and miss, kind of like Chiang's mother.

As of the end of May something horrible has happened. Mao has gone all commie radical and sneakily joined the united front against the Empire. Such a thing we had not properly prepared for. Mao, being replaced in this timeline by an attractive anime girl with big breasts and a short skirt, shall be bent over the desk for his rebellious stance.

~~~~~~~~~

Sorry for this short one, I'll get another one out today but I just wanted you guys to know I didn't forget about it. Just been busy*.



*binge drinking and depressed

 

[Luckymoose]

After hours and hours of hard work fixing my HOI2 I proudly tease you with the return.

It ain’t nothin’ to a boss, my goons got goons


Reporting to the Emperor the leaders of the military and other advisors have reports that the war in China is a bloody, stalemate, with very few possibilities for advancement and any sign of total victory highly unlikely in the near future. The communists are advancing and spreading their highly annoying ideology while simultaneously rejecting to F***ING SURRENDER ALREADY, JEEZ! Don't they know how doomed they are? No? Well...

They are doomed! The stupid Chinese make an effort to push our glorious manhood back north and our cavalry manages to sneak past them, leaving a healthy army of roughly 50,000 Chinese encircled by 300,000 Japanese. LOLZ UZ FAILED CHIANG!

The Chinese surrender in mass and are immediately slaughtered, every Japanese soldier was given a Hello Kitty sticker per ten men slaughtered. It was a riot to get to them first. The officers have been enjoying their baths of pure blood.

Technology is progressing albeit not quite as fast as wanted. This is Japan, invent something already!

We tried to leave a bag of dog poop on fire on Chiang's porch, he did not fall for this. *saddest face you can imagine a Japanese man doing*

The coastal campaign continues with astounding victories thanks to our cavalry blitz tactics.

Mao attempts to lead his mountain soldiers on a solo run to Beijing but is caught by one of our armies, defeated and sent packing to his home which is the same as all other commie homes. Empty, with no food and no style.

Alas the current situation. Japanese naval growth continues, more divisions have been ordered to help turn the tide in China, but it is unlikely for any victory within the next year. This one is going to be a thorn in the sexy Japanese hip for a long time. Not like a cool thorn, or piercing, but like one that you don't want because it makes ruins your perfect skin and your other female friends will giggle at you and poke fun. BANZAI!

​

 

[Tee Kay]

Subscribing

 

[Luckymoose]

She says that love is for fools who fall behind

Significant progress begins to be made, the empire recovers from the setbacks the communists made and begins a full push towards Nanjing.

Three new carriers are completed along with a couple new destroyer groups, the second Carrier Fleet is formed in the Sea of Japan and the blue water capabilities of the Japanese fleet expands substantially overnight.

The capture of Nanjing is becoming a reality, with the possibility to storm the city before winter cold fronts move in. The generals on the front have promised nothing short of massacre towards to civilians of Nanjing to send a message to Chiang that surrender is the only option.

We successfully gather the finger prints of Chinese men on the windowseals of little girls and the local populations begin to protest in some of the major cities. Chiang is a pedophile is a popular chant these days. But we're Japanese, pedophilia is simply natural to us. The emperor even had a giant school girl erected that the new carriers can sail between her legs. Japan is glorious!

​

 

[Tee Kay]

Banzai!