Q: What do the U.S. and Cuba have in common?
A: In the U.S. and Cuba, you can't buy anything with pesos.
-------------------------
An American, a Czech, and a Soviet agreed to meet. The Czech was late.
"Sorry for being so late," the Czech said, "I was waiting in line to buy some meat."
"What is a line?" the American asked.
"What is meat?" the Soviet asked.
-------------------------
Alexander the Great, Caeser, and Napoleon all met at a parade in Red Square.
"Wow! With those tanks, I would have been invincible!" said Alexander.
"Wow! With those airplanes, I would have conquered the whole world!" said Caeser.
"Wow! With the Pravda, the whole world, even now, would not have found out about Waterloo!" said Napoleon.
-------------------------
Q: How did the Soviet Union plan to land men on the Sun?
A: They'd go at night.
-------------------------
Q: What's the real ratio between the pound, the dollar, and the ruble?
A: A pound of rubles is worth a dollar.
-------------------------
A man one day goes out to buy some bread, and stands in line for two hours. After waiting for two hours, the store declares they are all out of bread. The man is furious and begins shouting about how terrible life under communism.
Some men approach him and say "comrade, you have spoken out of turn." The man curses at them and continues shouting. The men then tell the shouting man "we will be watching you."
An hour later the man returns home and his wife says to him "you've been gone three hours to get a loaf of bread, how come you didn't get it!?"
The man replies "you wouldn't believe it. Not only are they out of bread, they're out of bullets too."
-------------------------
Q: What does a Soviet optimist say?
A: It can't get any worse!
-------------------------
In a Soviet classroom, an elementary school teacher was talking about the greatness of Lenin. She asks the students "now, children, how many of you have portraits of Lenin on your walls?"
All of the children but one raise their hand.
The teacher asks again, "how many of you have portraits of Lenin on your walls?"
Again, all of the children but one raise their hand.
The teacher then asks the one child "how come you do not have a portrait of Lenin on your wall?"
The little boy replies "our family sleeps in the middle of the room."
-------------------------
Q: What is an exchange of opinions at a Communist Party meeting?
A: I come to the meeting with my opinions and leave with their's.
-------------------------
Under communism, every man has what he needs. That's why the butcher puts a sign up that says "nobody needs meat today."
-------------------------
A Soviet has saved up his money to buy a car. He goes down to the dealership and says to the salesman "I want that one!"
"The car will arrive in seven years." the salesman replies.
"Will it come in the morning or the afternoon?" the man asks.
"What difference does it make?" queries the salesman.
The man says back, "the plumber is coming in the morning."
-------------------------
A Briton, a Frenchman, and a Russian are standing and staring at a portrait of Adam and Eve.
"Look at their calm, their reserve" says the Briton. "Surely they must be British!"
"Nonsense!" replies the Frenchman. "They are beautiful. Surely they must be French!"
The Russian finally speaks, "they have no clothes, no shelter, only an apple to eat, and are being told this is paradise. They are Russian."
-------------------------
Hope you enjoyed my compilation, and please:
* Feel free to add your own! *
A: In the U.S. and Cuba, you can't buy anything with pesos.
-------------------------
An American, a Czech, and a Soviet agreed to meet. The Czech was late.
"Sorry for being so late," the Czech said, "I was waiting in line to buy some meat."
"What is a line?" the American asked.
"What is meat?" the Soviet asked.
-------------------------
Alexander the Great, Caeser, and Napoleon all met at a parade in Red Square.
"Wow! With those tanks, I would have been invincible!" said Alexander.
"Wow! With those airplanes, I would have conquered the whole world!" said Caeser.
"Wow! With the Pravda, the whole world, even now, would not have found out about Waterloo!" said Napoleon.
-------------------------
Q: How did the Soviet Union plan to land men on the Sun?
A: They'd go at night.
-------------------------
Q: What's the real ratio between the pound, the dollar, and the ruble?
A: A pound of rubles is worth a dollar.
-------------------------
A man one day goes out to buy some bread, and stands in line for two hours. After waiting for two hours, the store declares they are all out of bread. The man is furious and begins shouting about how terrible life under communism.
Some men approach him and say "comrade, you have spoken out of turn." The man curses at them and continues shouting. The men then tell the shouting man "we will be watching you."
An hour later the man returns home and his wife says to him "you've been gone three hours to get a loaf of bread, how come you didn't get it!?"
The man replies "you wouldn't believe it. Not only are they out of bread, they're out of bullets too."
-------------------------
Q: What does a Soviet optimist say?
A: It can't get any worse!
-------------------------
In a Soviet classroom, an elementary school teacher was talking about the greatness of Lenin. She asks the students "now, children, how many of you have portraits of Lenin on your walls?"
All of the children but one raise their hand.
The teacher asks again, "how many of you have portraits of Lenin on your walls?"
Again, all of the children but one raise their hand.
The teacher then asks the one child "how come you do not have a portrait of Lenin on your wall?"
The little boy replies "our family sleeps in the middle of the room."
-------------------------
Q: What is an exchange of opinions at a Communist Party meeting?
A: I come to the meeting with my opinions and leave with their's.
-------------------------
Under communism, every man has what he needs. That's why the butcher puts a sign up that says "nobody needs meat today."
-------------------------
A Soviet has saved up his money to buy a car. He goes down to the dealership and says to the salesman "I want that one!"
"The car will arrive in seven years." the salesman replies.
"Will it come in the morning or the afternoon?" the man asks.
"What difference does it make?" queries the salesman.
The man says back, "the plumber is coming in the morning."
-------------------------
A Briton, a Frenchman, and a Russian are standing and staring at a portrait of Adam and Eve.
"Look at their calm, their reserve" says the Briton. "Surely they must be British!"
"Nonsense!" replies the Frenchman. "They are beautiful. Surely they must be French!"
The Russian finally speaks, "they have no clothes, no shelter, only an apple to eat, and are being told this is paradise. They are Russian."
-------------------------
Hope you enjoyed my compilation, and please:
* Feel free to add your own! *
. But while we're at Communism-related political jokes, let me mention a popular (in my class) comparrison I've made in social studies class sometime this year. You won't find any real left- or right-wingism in it, it's a personal point of view which does not fit in prefixed political patterns:
!
