Funny Battles Thread

[flyingchicken]

Let this here be the thread where we share our funny experiences in the fields of battle Total War series, unless there be other threads yonder board pages with the same topic.

To start off, I was playing Greece in RTR:RTR Gold just a while back and drove the heathen Macedonians and Romans out of their homes with my valiant warriors.

In one battle in mine quest, there were 100-strong good Greek hoplites against 100-strong Macedionan phalngites and the irrelevant horsemen. I had naught but one casuality--my general.

'Twas sad, for I lost 7 good Hetairoi heavy cavalry that season.

 

[kulade]

Once, while playing the Germans, I besieged a Gaulish city. They had two warbands, I had about four and a general.

I broke the walls and the enemy retreated, before fighting, not to the city center, but to a remote corner of the map.

I held the center for three minutes and won the battle without losing a man or killing one...

 

[taper]

Back in M:TW, I had a bunch of depleted units that I just wanted to get rid of. It was a full stack with maybe 100 individuals total, no unit more than a dozen or so men. Sent them against an enemy stack with a few spears, maybe some archers or cavalry, I don't remember for sure, but all units were full, and heavily outnumbering me. Told my units to charge the line, expecting a quick death but making the enemy hurt.

I won the battle. To honor the survivors, I sent them back to live in my capitol the rest of the game.

 

[azzaman333]

Holding a bridge as the Brutii, with Greece attacking me, my archers and skirmishers killed roughly half the Greek army before it crossed the bridge, when my Hastati and Principes charged and pretty much all died, all in the first 5 minutes. This left the Greek Hoplites standing at the end of my side of the bridge, staring at my many archers and skirmishers (and 1 unit of equites) for the next 25 or so minutes until the timer ran out. Rather odd battle.

 

[aronnax]

In MTW2, my city was sieged by 19 Catapults and one cannon unit.

Suprisingly 100 of my men died from shortrange artillery fire.

Also, I routed an entire German army after killing the general early on in the battle. I was playing Egypt. It was a quick battle, 2000 on each side. I killed 200 soldiers and captured as prisioners 1600.

 

[Stuck in Pi]

Let's see...

Once had one unit of cavalry. I hid it behind a hill until time ran out. It was against a full enemy army.

 

[Hasdrubal Barca]

On a city stone walls attack, i set up ladders all over, the computer sent a lot of troops on to the walls, i destroyed them with stones, killing a lot and traping others on the peices still standing, sent a couple cav to attack the center and won in a blitz.

 

[Maniacal]

This is not only funny but fudgingg annoying, several times (even with modded AI) I've arranged a full stack and wait for the enemy to attack only to have them run away. In which case I chase them down with my calvalry if I care to.

 

[Tank_Guy#3]

This is not only funny but fudgingg annoying, several times (even with modded AI) I've arranged a full stack and wait for the enemy to attack only to have them run away. In which case I chase them down with my calvalry if I care to.

Don't you love it when you enemy takes the time to march to your city, besiege it, and then run away after a few setbacks when they storm it?

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Playing as the Romans (in Europa Barbarum) I had one or two full armies of heavy infantry (a very few skirmishers and cavalry), and some other various half stacks.

Anyways, west of Byzantium (after it's capture, Southeast of there) I kept running into full stack after full stack of Pontic armies. They sent about 10-12 stacks over the span of about 8 turns. I did a few auto fights as I didn't really want to deal with the armies. My focus was elsewhere in the Empire at that time. Even when greatly outnumbered I defeated them every time.

Finally curiosity made me manually fight a battle. How did I keep winning? I had full armies of heavy infantry, they had full armies of the lightest of infantry and skirmishers. In this particular battle, they attacked me to start it, yet when we zoomed to the field they stood there. After about 5 minutes of nothing (I don't like timers, so I turn it off for my enemies sake) and a few formation changes, I order my entire army to charge. The enemy routed and fell back with only a few dozen troops out of the hundreds he had entered with.

 

[Cheezy the Wiz]

I had an awesome battle once in the first MTW. I was the French, and had a disasterous campaigning season against the Almohad Caliphate. I managed to win a peace, but just in time to be back at war with the English and Holy Roman Empire. Thus, my beaten army I had retired to Aragon was left unreplenished. It was maybe 150 men, but with 16 units in it, mostly like ten men or so each, give or take. Well, about two turns into my war with the German-English alliance, the Almohads turn up in Castile (my province) with a nice sized army. After rampaging through Castile, they move into Aragon, and I'm forced to defend my southern flank in the field.

My army gets to defend on a hillside against the full-strength Almohad army. They had two armies moving together, so I got the full sixteen-unit front coming at me. There my men are on their hillside, looking down at this huge Muslim army marching towards them. I imagined it must've been how the Fellowship felt inside Helm's Deep, watching the barbarian horde inch ever closer, knowing their destiny is not far away.

These units were all veterans of the last war, so they had some awesome upgrades and morale. It helped that the general, a 4-star Chivalric Seargants, had been ransomed back, so he had +3 morale. None of my units routed in the battle, they all fought to the last man. There was an epic scene which I neglected to screencap, where my men have been fought into a "hedgehog", completely surrounded by the Almohads, yet still fighting on valiantly.

It was awesome, though I obviously lost horribly. I thought it was funny that the Almohads lost so many men trying to kill this ragtag defense operation.

 

[kibbles]

Playing as Parthia in R:TW. I besieged a city with a general, 1 horse archer (unit). They sallied forth with one general, a spear unit and a light calvary unit. my general routed there spear unit (eastern infantry) and my calvary archers harassed there general and light calvary unit. They charged like crazy calvary archer unit and my general pursued the eastern infantry, right into the settlement. So eventually the light calvary and general cornered and owned my calvary archers. But my general was in the plaza capturing it! They charged madly back but didn't make it in time. GG noob ai

 

[Tank_Guy#3]

I forget exactly where this battle was fought, but I was definitely outnumbered 2 to 1. The defenders (me) also had a huge terrain advantage: first the enemy had to march all the way up a fairly steep hill, and then he ran into my forces which were crammed between the edge of the map and a huge boulder.

The enemy had a varied army. A few phalanx units, a few archers, but mainly light and medium infantry.

I left a few light cavalry outside to help take care of their ranged units (which they did, and shortly thereafter were massacred due to more pressing issues regarding my main force).

The enemy attacked my forces persistently, but my front phalanx units (my heaviest) didn't budge. In fact, they didn't even bend all that much from the pressure of the enemy attack (though I did have them set very deep, 7 maybe 8 men deep). The AI in it's brilliant tactical prowess sent his front wave against my line, and instead of waiting for those troops to get tired and route, he sent his entire force charging in right behind them. It was a death trap for my enemies front line troops, they were routing, but couldn't get through the hordes of their own troops rushing forward into battle.



I did leave my ranged units outside the little pocket while the enemy was advancing to harass them. But after my main line of phalanxes formed up and the enemy drew closer, I pulled them in to protect them.

Edit: This was a Rome Total War battle.

 

[Longus]

Nice. Love the little 'History Channel' style tactical overview map

The funniest battle I fought recently (also R:TW) involved a single general unit of heavy cavalry, 14 men & horses strong (me) vs. 361 Dacian warband warriors. After giving them the run around & slowly shaving off the edges of their horde with a few careful passes, I gave up hope and charged the line killing their general and routing the remaining troops!

According to the final statistics, I killed just over 50 men sending the rest running into the hills scared of my 4 remaining horses. Go figure.

 

[Traitorfish]

I fought a bridge battle as Egypt against Pontus in which all but one of their troops was killed charging into my concentrated phalanxes, and the remaining man was hit by 200 arrows at once while trying to flee! And this with them outnumbering me 1400:1100 and me finishing the battle with about 900 men left!

 

[Maniacal]

SO in Stainless Steel 6.1 I crushed Ireland in two battles, both in Wales. They sent some scout force with a general over to take the rebel castle, but after 3 turns of doing nothing I lay siege to it. After failing to assassinate their general they declared war. I slaughtered their scout army which caused them to take EVERY unit they had in their two Irish regions (I had Dublin), with their Kind and Heir (no other family left), ship it to Wales (they could have taken Dublin but nooo, they had to attack TWO of my armies, one which was almost a full stack!) where I promptly slaughtered them and destroyed their faction.

I hope they take Ireland out and use the slot for a more interesting and more useful faction in 7.0.

 

[Spartan117]

Just today I fought a battle as Carthage vs Epeiros. They outnumbered me by a thousand men(2000 to 3000). They had about 7 slinger units and an archer unit however they still had more actual infantry then me including a Pezhetairoi. I had Camilian era Hastati, some samnite heavy infantry, light cavalry, and an elephant unit. I was worried that their missile units would whittle down my men before their infantry moved in.

I carefully planned hidden units in some key spots. But to my surprise their infantry stormed my small line and their many missile units stood in one area of the map. After I had surrounded their infantry, their missile units finally arrived within in range of my men. But it was too late and most of their infantry were slaughtered. Soon I had what little hidden units I had left cut off the retreat of the slingers. My light cavalry ran them down. soon I won. A heroic victory with very little casualties.

 

[Tank_Guy#3]

This is kind of a funny picture. Not so much for the Greek in it, but definitely considering my troops are the ones surrounding him.



Update: That is the city of Sparta, one of the Greeks final cities.