FUNNY! Politically Incorrect Unique Units!

[romelus]

love the elvis impersonator and cattle-skin gastabos let me see if i can think up more.

French:
Drag Queen Boat 1/1/2 - available after map making

slow speed due to cumbersome dresses interfering with rowing. any settler transported by the drag queen boat founds gay cities - these are similar to size 1 AI cities except that the gay cities will start to grow after the discovery of cloning as a future tech. will sink in sea and ocean squares

Chinese:
Illegal Immigrant Boat 0/0/6 - available after communism

with no attack or defense, this invisible unit will smuggle 2 chinese citizens into enemy coast cities, eventually converting them into chinese cities.

Persian:
belly dancer 0/4/1 - available after pottery

very tough defenders. the secret to defeating the belly dancer in the earlier ages is to produce units from gay cities resulting from drag queen boats. all gay units treat belly dancer as having a defense value of 1

India:
Curry Missile 10*/0/6 - must have spice in city radius to make

vile odors are released upon explosion, inducing autodysomophobia for 5 turns. enemy units lose one hp per turn due to violent vomitting. can use on own indian units to heal in one turn.

 

[amadeus]

South Park: makes one unhappy citizen content. Expires with education.

 

[damunzy]

Originally posted by rmsharpe
South Park: makes one unhappy citizen content. Expires with education.

Hey, wait, are you saying that I am dumb b/c I like the show!!!

 

[WarlordMatt]

Americans: Obese Plumber Guy - Available with Replaceable Parts. Whenever he goes into a city it's food production is lowered by 90%. Requires Rubber.

 

[philippe]

French:male balletdancers.All your cities become size1 because they all dont want to see them dance.
English:hooligan:military police doesnt work anymore.all your units become elite becuase they have to fight all the time.
All enemy civs are now scared of you and all their colusseums are destroyed.

 

[bobgote]

lol@ the george bush one also lol@all the people who thought it was too politically incorrect to be posted in a thread called Politically Incorrect Unique Units.

China:
Tianneman Tank: Halves resistors in city.

America:
Beaurocrat: Doubles Corruption and waste when used on enemy city.

 

[wohmongarinf00l]

Japan:
Geisha - xx/99999999/xx; except against french gay where defense is 1, requires silk in city radius.

 

[JollyRoger]

Boxcutter Unit - available only if your civ is technoligically backward, but rich in oil. Your govt type also has to be despotism. Upgraded swordsman able to temporarily cause damage to small wonders. Can cause emergence of the following unit for the opposing civ . . .

Loose Cannon - unit disguised as an Attoney General. Causes a loss of beakers that were needed to acquire Code of Laws. If not disbanded, could potentially move your civ back to the ancient age with only choices of government being Despotism and Monarchy. On the plus side, all foreign nationals detained and replaced with patriot citizens who are not unhappy or war weary as long as you build SUV units. Reasearch cut in half (do to bashing of liberals hiding out in libraries and universities) and half of gold goes to enemy to help fuel the SUV units needed to keep the patriot citizens happy.

Iroquois - Blackjack Dealer - needs a sorce of wines to be built. Siphons off wealth from surrounding civs.

 

[Trinity]

Additional improvements and units:

Mafia: automatically produced in any industrial age city with 50% corruption. Controlled by AI. May move to any city in your empire. Increases corruption by 20%, adds one happy face. No maintenance required.

Police unit: required to combat mafia unit. Requires police station. Two units defeat mafia unit. Requires maintenance.

Drug Cartel Wonder (small wonder): Requires Poppy or Coca resource. Allows production of urban gang units in city containing wonder that can be cheaply placed in any foreign city over size 12. Urban gang units increase corruption by 10% and halves literacy, and adds one unhappy face in any city they are placed. Makes nation in which units are placed annoyed. Possessor of wonder will receive foreign aid from affected civilization to build and maintain police stations and military units used to combat production of urban gang units. Production of urban gang units remains unaffected.

Arthur B. Andersen Accounting Wonder (small wonder): Requires Corporation, Wall Street. Doubles economic output of all cities over size 15 for 10 turns, thereafter negates the benefits of the Wall Street Wonder, and requires maintenance for banks and marketplaces in those cities until sold at a cost of 20% economic output for one turn, and producing 2 unhappy faces per city for 3 turns.

War on Drugs Wonder (small wonder): needed to counter Drug Cartel Wonder. Requires maintenance. Allows for production of DEA units which reduce urban gang added corruption by 50%. Add one unhappy face to city where units are placed.

 

[Tweedledum]

ROME: Italian Mother - high attack value, available after any Roman unit is defeated, when they chase after the victor and give him a good going over. Obsolete after the discovery of Underarm Shaving...

INDIA: Curry chef - can enter enemy cities and halve production in them, because the citizens have to spend half their time in the "little boys' room"

TURKS (if they are introduced): Carpet Salesman - relieves all passing units of any gold they may be carrying

 

[amadeus]

America: Car Salesman. Makes two unhappy citizens really unhappy. Requires silk for plaid coat and furs for coonskin cap.

 

[Captain Pugwash]

Americans :
Lardy Boy 1/1/0 - needs resource cattle (for burgers) and horses (for more burgers)

granary reduces unexpectedly due to midnight raids on the fridge

 

[sumthinelse]

Originally posted by Captain Pugwash
Americans :
Lardy Boy 1/1/0 - needs resource cattle (for burgers) and horses (for more burgers)

granary reduces unexpectedly due to midnight raids on the fridge

Lardy Boy actually should have some prerequisites.

First you should develop a new advance, "Globalized Capitalism," and then you can build the Fast Food Wonder. Then, you can negotate the right to build Fast Food Franchise city improvements (?) in all cities in the world, including those of rival civs. Why would a rival civ allow you to build Fast Food Franchises in their city? Bribery, er, I mean, negotiation. Then all civs can have the benefits of their own Lardy Boys.

We should also add Rat, Dog, and Cat resources that appear as food sources once a city has reached size 6. The Fast Food Franchises get additional income if these resources are available.

 

[Hobbes]

To build the Britney wonder do you need silicon in your resource box?

 

[Tweedledum]

Originally posted by Captain Pugwash
Americans :
Lardy Boy 1/1/0 - needs resource cattle (for burgers) and horses (for more burgers)

granary reduces unexpectedly due to midnight raids on the fridge

Surely it's only the French who require horses to produce burgers...

 

[WarlordMatt]

Americans:
Telemarketer - If it move into a city, it increases commerce by 1 but makes 5 citizens unhappy and may cause instant civil disorder. Available after Computers.

 

[philippe]

Americans:stupid farmer-when moved into a city the city explodes and there is polltion all over the place:1 unhappy poeple made happy

 

[philippe]

fins(when they are in it):geese:
all coastal fortresses are obselete everyone unhappy pollution on all beaches in the world

 

[Wild Weasel]

French: Militant Farmer. All roads/railroads in surrounding squares are blocked and impassable. Requires cow in city radius.

Russian: Vodka Distillery improvement. All citizens become content but produce nothing of worth. Requires loss of all hope.

America: Micro$oft Great Wonder. All other civs contribute 20% of their GDP to Micro$oft and suffer a 20% drop in factory output due to downtime. Also negates the effectiveness of Courthouses.
Requires Corporation and Global Insanity.

 

[Wild Weasel]

England: Mad Cow Unwanted Side-effect. (Not strictly a UU but - )
When English Civ reaches modern age, any city with two or more cow resources with its border is affected by MCUS. Results are:

- All but one cow resource is depleted as they are fed to the remaining cow resource.

- Global warming is advanced by massive carcass pyres.

- The city is affected by disease and pollution is doubled from cow corpse landfills.

Made obsolete by Blair Spin Doctor wonder. Note does result in a permanent trade embargo with France.