Helpdesk questions

Matrix · Aug 19, 2003

These are question/situations that helpdesk employees actually had. They're hilareous! :lol:

Helpdesk: "How can I help you?"
Customer: "I'm writing my first e-mail."
Helpdesk: "Okay, and what's the problem?"
Customer: "Well, I can get the letter a. But how do I put a circle around it?"

Customer: "I can't receive any e-mail."
Helpdesk: "What software do you use?"
Customer: "What do you mean?"
Helpdesk: (sigh) "Where do yuo receive your e-mail?"
Customer: "On my computer of course."

Customer: "I can't receive any e-mail. Is the internet full?"

Customer: "I don't have a computer at home. Is the internet available by book?"

Customer: "Is the internet open at sunday too?"

Customer: "The internet is very slow. Can't you restart it?"

Helpdesk: "Helpdesk, how can I help you?"
Customer: "I wish to file a complaint."
Helpdesk: "What seems to be the problem?"
Customer: "I specifically told you not to install any pornography on my internet. I demand that you remove it at once."

Een customer couldn't make connection to the internet.
Helpdesk: "Are you sure you used the right password?"
Customer: "Yes, I'm sure. I've seen a college of mine doing it."
Helpdesk: "Could you tell me what the password is?"
Customer: "Five asterisks."

Customer: "I recently bought a computer of yours, but the printer doesn't work."
Helpdesk: "Okay, what's the problem?"
Customer: "It doesn't work at all. When I try to print nothing happens. And then there's a message 'Can't find printer'."
Helpdesk: "Are you sure you connected the printer accurately?"
Customer: "Yes. The plug is in the socket."
Helpdesk: "Is the printer cable connected to the computer?"
Customer: "I don't know. I've read the instructions and there was something about plugging into the computer, but that was too complicated. I simply placed the printer next to the computer, just like on the picture in the manual. I thought it might be too far away, but it's now standing agaisnt the computer and it still doesn't work."
Helpdesk: "Ehm. You have to plug the printer cable into the computer. The cable should go from the printer to the computer. If all is well there should be a cable in the box when you bought the computer."
Customer: "Not that I recall. There was a strange looking cable, but I thought it was extra, so I threw it away."
Helpdesk: "You really need another printer cable if you want to print. And then you have to connect it to your computer and to your printer."
Customer: "It doesn't show on the picture."
Helpdesk: "Perhaps it doesn't show on the picture, but if you want to be able to print you really should do that."
Customer: "Oh, all right. This is all very confusing."
Helpdesk: "So the only thing you have to do is buy a printer cable and connect it."
Customer: "So you mean I have to buy extra things to get my computer to work?"
Helpdesk: "No, you already had a fine printer cable, but you threw that away, like you told me."
Customer: "I think I'll call my neighbour. He'll know how to get my printer to work."

Customer: "I can't print. Every time I try it says: 'Can't find printer'. I even lifted the printer and put it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it."

Helpdesk: "Good afternoon. How can I help you?"
Customer: "Eeh. Hello. I can't print."
Helpdesk: "Could you click on the 'Start' button and...?"
Customer: "Now you listen to me. Don't get technical on me. I'm not Bill Gates for christ's sake!"

Helpdesk: "Please click on the icon 'My computer' at the left side of your screen."
Customer: "Is that left to you or left to me?"

Customer: "There suddenly popped up a message on my screen. It says 'Click OK'. What should I do?"

Customer: "I got a big problem. A friend of mine just installed a screensaver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse it disappears!"

dannyevilcat · Aug 19, 2003

Here's one that I've had, the most painful call ever:

Lady calling in with a new notebook

Her: I've got my new computer. What do I do?
Me: Okay, I'm not sure I understand what you mean.
Her: How do I get started?
Me: Just turn it on, and Windows will guide you through the setup.
Her: Okay, let me get it out of the box. This is so exciting!
Me: *silence*
Her: Now, which way do I turn it?
Me: *silence*
Her: Hello?
Me: I'm still here. How long have you had the computer?
Her: Since last week
Me: *silence*
Her: Hello?
Me: I'm still here. You're just taking it out of the box now?
Her: Yes. This is my first computer ever, and I didn't want to touch it until someone showed me how to use it.
Me: Okay, well, you want it so all those ports where cables plug in are facing away from you.
Her: Okay. How do I open it?
Me: See that latch on the front? You slide that and lift.
Her: Oooh! I'm so excited!
Me: Now you have to plug it in.
Her: How do I do that?
Me: Find the AC adapter in the box and plug it into the wall to your computer.
Her: Okay
Me: Then turn it on.
Her: How?
Me: press the power button.
Her: Where's that?
Me: Button at the top, all by itself.
Her: It's turning on!
Me: Now, you have used a computer before, right?
Her: No, this is my first time.
Me: Ever?
Her: Yes.
Me: *silence*
Her: Hello?

Next she begins the registration process... (to be continued)

CrackedCrystal · Aug 19, 2003

Originally posted by dannyevilcat
Her: Okay, let me get it out of the box. This is so exciting!

Classic

Elden · Aug 19, 2003

Originally posted by dannyevilcat
Her: It's turning on!
Me: Now, you have used a computer before, right?
Her: No, this is my first time.
Me: Ever?
Her: Yes.
Me: *silence*

Oh no !!!

Originally posted by dannyevilcat
Next she begins the registration process... (to be continued)

Eagerly awaiting this one :lol:

Matrix · Aug 20, 2003

Danny! Where's the rest?

dannyevilcat · Aug 20, 2003

Me: So it's loading up now?
Her: Uh-huh. So I'll be able to go on the internet with this right?
Me: Uh, sure. You'll need to find a internet provider though.
Her: The people from Cox are coming tomorrow.
Me: Okay. So what do you see on the screen now?
(I can hear the voice of the Windows setup helper in the background)
Her: It says welcome to Windows XP. This part of...
Me: Alright, just click next past this part
Her: ...the setup wizard prepares you...
Me: That's okay, just click next please.
Her: How do I do that?
Me: Do you see the "next" button?
Her: Yes
Me: Just click that.
Her: How?
Me: Just use the touchpad.
Her: How do I do that?
Me: Just use your finger and move the pointer to where it says "next" and then click on it
Her: Oh, okay. Which button do I click?
Me: The left one
Her: Okay, did that. Now there's something else on the screen...
Me: Right. Now you have to select your country, and date and time for where you live.
Her: How?
Me: It has a list of countries. Just pick the United States.
Her: But I see it in two places
Me: That's because it's telling you it's selected. Can you click on the other tab now please. Just select your time zone and make sure the date and all that is correct
Her: Okay, did that. What next?
Me: Click OK
Her: How do I do that?
Me: The button that says "OK". Click it please.
Her: Left click?
Me: Yes please.
Her: Okay so I move the arrow with the touchpad, right?
Me: Yes please.
Her: and then left click, right?
Me: Yes.
Her: Now it's asking me to register my product.
Me: That's okay, don't worry about that. I'll register you right now over the phone. Just click "Skip"
Her: Now it's asking me for my name.
Me: That's because it's trying to register you
Her: So what do I do?
Me: Click "back"
Her: Where do I do that?
Me: The button next to the "next" button. It says "back"
Her: Left click or right click?
Me: Left click. Look, I'll help you get through the setup, but after that I'm not going to be able to help you further. This is tech support, and we're here to help people who have technical problems. We can't teach people how to use their computers, okay?
Her: Okay. Now I'm back at that other screen.
Me: Now you want to click "skip"
Her: "Next"?
Me: "Skip"
Her: I don't understand.
Me: What buttons do you see on the screen right now?
Her: "Back" and "next". And "skip"
Me: Click the one that says "skip"
Her: Left click or right click?
Me: [MUTE] I HATE YOU AND WANT YOU TO DIE! [/MUTE]
Me: Left click please.
Her: It's asking me if I want to register later.
Me: Just left click the "never register" button.
Her: Okay. Now it wants me to put in a name for my computer
Me: Just leave it blank, or whatever's already there, and click next
Her: Okay. What if I want to give it a name though?
Me: Are you going to be networking two computers together?
Her: No. All I want is to be able to go to eBay. I'm going to get rich buying and selling stuff.
Me: [MUTE] OH MY GOD, ARE YOU FOR REAL LADY?!! [/MUTE]
Me: Then it's not important.
Her: But i'd like to give it a name.
Me: *silence*
Her: Hello?
Me: Yeah I'm still here! Fine, click the back button and put in a name.
Her: I want to call it the "Orange Room" because that's where my computer is going to be most of the time.
Me: Click "back" and put in "Orange Room" then
Her: I'm clicking back, but it's not going back to that screen.
Me: [MUTE] DIE DIE DIE!!!!! [/MUTE]
Me: It's okay, we'll name it after we get this setup wizard finished. So please just click next all the way through the rest of the process.
Her: Okay. Do I want to restart?
Me: Yes.
Her: You know, I'm going to keep it secret that I even have a computer, and in six months I'm going to surprise my friends with my computer abilities. I'll show them all what I can do, and go "Ah-ha!"
Me: *silence*
Her: Hello?

EPILOGUE: After helping her name her computer the "Orange Room", and then having her install every piece of 3rd Party software I could so I could put her on hold long enough for a cigarette, a month had passed before I got another call from the same woman.
I realized it was her after it took 20 minutes to check whether her cable modem was connected. And when I looked through the various case notes I saw she had called many times regarding things like keyboard ergonomics, what the different keys do, etc.

The last I heard, she started yelling at another agent because he called her "Ma'am".