How to wash a cat

[SuperBeaverInc.]

Another hysterical e-mail I got:

We received this tip by e-mail, and although we DO NOT recommend it, it is pretty darn funny.

HOW TO WASH A CAT

1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.

2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and have both lids lifted.

3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (you may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape).

CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his paws will be reaching out for anything they can find. The cat will self-agitate and make ample suds. (Never mind the noises that come from your toilet, he is actually enjoying this.)

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power-wash" and "rinse" which I have found to be quite effective.

6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.

8. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself.

Sincerely,

The Dog

Posted for humour only, please don't do this or we will have PETA, the SPCA, and every other abbreviated organization angry with us!

 

[stratego]

I do that! except I take the liberty of drying the cat too. I connect a long tube from the toilet to the fireplace. When the cat dash out, he'll find himself in the fireplace. When he's in, close the door and turn on the gas. Don't mind the noice, he enjoys the warmth even more than the wash.

PS. It might be wise to attach a rope to the toilet seat, so it will make it safer to lift the seat.

 

[Riesstiu IV]

@stratego - That's a very strange way to clean a cat...

 

[superslug]

This reminds me of the Non Sequiter where the old man was reading the paper, commenting on an op/ed piece suggesting cats were the root of all evil in the world. It took me a second to notice the dog typing on the computer in the corner...

 

[stratego]

@stratego - That's a very strange way to clean a cat...

It's obviously not as uncommon as you might think, since SuperBeaver got the email which was not sent out by me.

PS. It works on babies too. Instead of wiping a baby you can just lower the baby half way in and flush. The waste goes where it's supposed to and the baby will laugh from the tingle of the water. (Notes: you don't need to close the cover)

 

[Amenhotep7]

PS. It works on babies too. Instead of wiping a baby you can just lower the baby half way in and flush. The waste goes where it's supposed to and the baby will laugh from the tingle of the water. (Notes: you don't need to close the cover)

Note to Self: Never EVER let stratego babysit!
Wouldn't locking the cat into a place with potentially dangerous fumes be animal cruelty? Same with babies...

 

[Aramazd]

I have a cat I must try that if I could catch it

 

[Zoke0]

That's perfect. Since my cat likes to walk in on people in the bathroom I'll sit on the seat (both lids down), when the cat comes in it's bath time!!!

 

[Dark Archer]

That was awesome. Strange and disturbing but funny none the less.