Kind of upsest yet don't know why.

[Yeeek]

Here's my today little story, its related to religion. So if you are not interested in it, then you may skip this thread.

Anyway, where to start.

We had a little dinner at my work place today. Happens once a month or so. Its always a good time. This time i was the cook so i took it upon me to do all the cooking and of course the less fun trip to the store and buying all that was needed the day before for our little party. No less than 25 people mind you. It seemed like an impossible mission, but i managed to do it.

I'll try to keep it short and go straight to the matter of the thread. Its noon, everyone is impatient to see what i've prepared for them. People are starving so i start serving them. And here it happens.

This girl is rather new here, she has been here for a few months now and we already had a few confrontations in the past. We both have strong characters and it does, most of the times, end up in co works querels. Nothing more. So i'm about to serve her (remember we are about to eat!, still following me?). Then she look at me with those dubious eyes, "Is this Halal?" (For you people who have no idea what Halal is, i invite you to check this page http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Halal.)

I reply to her, what? Kind of hoping she would believe i didn't know. How stupid of me. Of course she knew that i knew. So it does quickly turns into a jousting between me and her, with a few bad words flying overheads.

I'm well aware we have a few muslims, 4 to be precise but the "Halal" food completly escaped my mind when planing the dinner. I end up the converstation with "So what, its not like you're going to end up in Hell for eating chicken, will you?". But then i see that the other 3 are not eating the chicken aswell. "Well, s***" I told myself at this moment.

Well, excuse me but not only i'm an atheist, its the first time i make so many food for so many people, at once mind you. I don't have to keep track of everyone's religion do's and no-no's. Plus i find this very hypocryte from you. As you do smoke, smoke joints, drink alcohol but eating such food is a crime?

That's what i wished to tell her but she left and we didn't exchanged a single word for the rest of the journey. The little party kinda turned out as a real let down for everyone as that wasn't expected as you may guess. Everyone else liked the chicken though, also the rice was pretty good. I guess, i'm not that bad of a cook after all.

Lastly i'm feeling upset, yet don't know why. That wasn't my fault, was it?

 

[MamboJoel]

No it's not, she shouldn't get upset about this.
Are you yelling at the cook when he prepares oysters if you don't eat oysters ?

 

[Masquerouge]

You're partly to blame. Since you were the one in charge of the lunch, you should have asked what was okay and what was not, especially if you have Muslim coworkers.
Now I find it a bit strange they did not eat the chicken.

And your answer was not the most diplomatic one... Sometimes making your point is less important than enjoying a nice lunch with your coworkers

 

[Elrohir]

She drinks alcohol but won't eat non-Halal food? I think she's intentionally messing with you. (The others might be serious, though.)

 

[Zarn]

She could have been more polite. If I cannot eat something for what ever reason, I'd let the person know before hand.

 

[Ingvina Freyr]

When there are so many people eating together I would say it's up to the person that's religious, vegetarian or alergic (sp?) to make sure they have their own food to eat. However, I'm with Masquerouge on the diplomatic answer part.

 

[Masquerouge]

When there are so many people eating together I would say it's up to the person that's religious, vegetarian or alergic (sp?) to make sure they have their own food to eat.

Exactly, that's why I said Yeeek was only partly to blame.

Yeeek, I suggest you do something to stop the situation with your coworker from festering. Either have a talk with her or let your manager know about it.

Yeah, easier said that done, I know

 

[Urederra]

Next time prepare some pork... (j/k)

More seriously, Somebody has to compromise and If I were you I would have done the same. This is a free market and I buy my chicken where pleases me I am not going to change my shopping habits, I love my butcher and my butcher's meat. My butcher deserves to eat too, so I am not going to change him to another unknown butcher just because some people cannot compromise. If they want halal meat, they'd better bring their own. I'll stick with my butcher, thank you very much.

 

[Yeeek]

Sadly, i think that i reached the point where i can't deal, argue, discuss religious matters with religious people. Over the internet its quite different, but in reality its quite difficult. That.. and vegetarians, this guy who is the '70's type in his mind (babacool for you francophiles) swear that eating meat is murder, yet will gladly spour his rice with ketchup, doesn't ketchup has animal fat in it?

Anyway, i know that i was rude when i told her that. But honestly that was the atheist in me that spoke out loud my feelings. My brain couldn't manage to use other words when confronted to the situation.

But i was also feeling that she was doing that on purpose, as she really doen'st look, act, like the typical muslim girl. She doesn't wear scarf, but drink alcohol, smoke ect so.. I was really caugh off guard, plus i don't remember such issue about the food in our previous dinners. Yes i think she does not like me for whatever reasons. Plus this is very strange because she know that i have magrebhin origin because of my name.

 

[Masquerouge]

Next time prepare some pork... (j/k)

More seriously, Somebody has to compromise and If I were you I would have done the same. This is a free market and I buy my chicken where pleases me I am not going to change my shopping habits, I love my butcher and my butcher's meat. My butcher deserves to eat too, so I am not going to change him to another unknown butcher just because some people cannot compromise. If they want halal meat, they'd better bring their own. I'll stick with my butcher, thank you very much.

My personal take on that whole "prepare lunch for your coworkers" thing is that for me it's more important that everybody is pleased and have a nice time, than making a religious or economical point.
Meaning, if I'm in charge of the lunch, I'll try to see what people like, do not like, and can't eat.
I appreciate when people who are inviting me for dinner ask if I have any preferences (I don't ), and I think it's part of that whole socializing thing.
Imposing your food and your habits would in my opinion destroy the whole objective of a team lunch.

 

[Masquerouge]

But i was also feeling that she was doing that on purpose, as she really doen'st look, act, like the typical muslim girl. She doesn't wear scarf, but drink alcohol, smoke ect so.. I was really caugh off guard, plus i don't remember such issue about the food in our previous dinners. Yes i think she does not like me for whatever reasons. Plus this is very strange because she know that i have magrebhin origin because of my name.

Yeah, looks as if the real issue is not about the Halal meat at all.
Be very careful around her. She managed to outwit you on that one and probably made you look bad in front of your coworkers If you do not take extra precautions chances are she'll make your life really hard at work.

 

[.Shane.]

Since its a work thing you do monthly, you should do the following as policy:

Whoever makes the dinner publishes it ahead of time so people who special dietary needs can make accommodations or make requests.

 

[Turner]

You could have handled the situation better, but then so could she. I'd say it's a 50/50 split. Yes, your actions may have instigated her reactions, but she didn't need to react the way she did.

Treat this as a learning experience for the next time. As some forum members might tell you here, I'm big on lessons. Certainly there's one here.

I would be the bigger person and apologize. And do it in front of other people. Okay, that may be a bit snippy, but at least you'll have a witness that you tried to apologize.

 

[Masquerouge]

I would be the bigger person and apologize. And do it in front of other people. Okay, that may be a bit snippy, but at least you'll have a witness that you tried to apologize.

That's an excellent advice. As I said, it looks like a war is going on between the two of you, and any public moves of appeasement you're going to make will play in your favor.

 

[El_Machinae]

Sometimes it's best to look at it like it's a contest to see who's the better person.

 

[Salah-Al-Din]

As a practising Muslim, I must say that I am absolutely disgusted by your behavior: how on earth could you serve non-Halal food!?

LOL Just kidding.

Dude, that girl is weird for getting angry at you. I've eaten Halal food my entire life, and I've never once been so obnoxious to impose myself on someone else. If I go somewhere and they are serving non-Halal food, then I make up excuses like "oh I'm just not hungry" or "I just ate" because I do not want the other person to feel bad.

What makes the situation even more ridicolous is that she drinks alcohol and then makes a big fuss out of Halal food?!?! That's unbelievable. Next time just serve her a dish of STHU (shut the heck up).

 

[Urederra]

My personal take on that whole "prepare lunch for your coworkers" thing is that for me it's more important that everybody is pleased and have a nice time, than making a religious or economical point.
Meaning, if I'm in charge of the lunch, I'll try to see what people like, do not like, and can't eat.
I appreciate when people who are inviting me for dinner ask if I have any preferences (I don't ), and I think it's part of that whole socializing thing.
Imposing your food and your habits would in my opinion destroy the whole objective of a team lunch.

I have been to team lunchs, or dinners for that matter, and I have never had an argument with my vegetarian coworkers because there is not meat in the food they prepared. I know that if I am invited I am the one who has to compromise.

 

[Masquerouge]

I have been to team lunchs, or dinners for that matter, and I have never had an argument with my vegetarian coworkers because there is not meat in the food they prepared. I know that if I am invited I am the one who has to compromise.

So you would cook meat when you have vegetarians coming for dinner at your place?

 

[El_Machinae]

Well, it does sound like she was picking a fight.

 

[Urederra]

So you would cook meat when you have vegetarians coming for dinner at your place?

i would prepare a vegetarian dish If they kindly tell me beforehand, but I would buy my veggies where I want, not where they want. They have to compromise somewhere.