My Best Jokes

[warmwaffles]

1. The difference between a Northern fair tale and a Southern Fairy tale is that the Northern Fairytale starts out with this "Once, upon a time..." and a Southern Fairytale starts out like this "You ain't gonna believe this $hit"

2. The difference between a Northern Zoo and a Southern Zoo is the Northern zoo's plaques have the name of the animal and it habitat and the Southern zoo has the name of the animal and the recipe

3. Do you know what happend to god when he went to Mount Olive? Popye beat the crap out of him

4. Did you hear about the guy who put the nicotine patch on his dick? He is now down to two butts a day

5. Why does the gay group want to buy the New York Jets? Because the team has two tight ends and forty players who suck

6. A baby seal walks into a club.......

7. What do you call a Jamaican proctologist? Pokemon

8. How does tight rope walking and Janet Reno have in comin? In both cases don't look down

9. Why does a chicken coop have 2 doors? If it had 4 it would be a chicken sudan.

10. Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead.


I will put more on tomorrow!!! thank you!!

 

[puglover]

Uh....

interesting

 

[Strider]

Pretty good, not the best I've seen, but better than alot of jokes you see.

 

[warmwaffles]

yes some of those jokes were pretty wierd weren't they

1. A guy is walking around chinatown, in New York City, and goes into a bar. "Give me a Stoli with a twist," he says to the bartender, who happens to be Chinese
"A rong rong time a ago, Cinderella was a man"

2.What has two legs, one wheel, and flies?
A wheel barrow full of $hi|--

3. How is Viagra like Disney World?
Their is a one hour wait for a two-minute ride

4. Why were the native americans the first ones in this country?
They had reservations

5. How do you spot a blind man in a nudist coloney?
Its not hard

6. How are men like parking spots?
The good ones are always taken and the ones left are all handicaped

7. Your so stupid you triped over a wireless phone cord

8. Do you know what happened to the Polish Rocket Ship?
At about one hundred feet it ran out of coal

9. How do Greeks seperate the men from the boys?
With a Crowbar

10. What has a whole bunch of balls and screws old ladies?
A bingo machine

Mabye some more tomorrow!!!

 

[The Person]

Some dirty jokes to cheer up my day.

 

[warmwaffles]

thanx hope you liked them!! But I don't have any today because I am sick and I am bearly able to typ wlle. so ples don't corect my gramar. And no i did not get drunk or any thing last night I just have a cold and superbowl fever hehehe I had to put that one in

 

[Pariah]

You really made them all up? If so, I'm impressed. Perhaps you could publish a jokebook?

Or at least joke up a pubbook.

In answer to your last joke:
- What is blue and f%*ks grannies?
Hypothermia.

-What is blue, 12 inches long and makes women scream?
A cot death.

 

[warmwaffles]

No I did not make them up five of them I got from "The Bartenders Joke Book" and the rest I heard from all of my friends.

And Yes this thread is a little dirty!!

Oh here is another one
Why don't bunnies make sounds when they are making love?
Cottonballs

Whats the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
Snowballs

 

[Pariah]

- What has 2 legs and bleeds?
Half a dog.

- What goes <Scream>, <Choke>, <POP!>?
A baby in a microwave oven.

 

[warmwaffles]

what does JCPennys and Micheal Jackson have in common?
Little boys pants half off

What is white and black at the same time?
Micheal Jackson

What is sicker than 10 dead puppies in one barrel?
One dead puppy in ten barrels

It is really nastie when you are eating cocoa pebbles and your little brother comes in and says have you seen my scab collection

 

[Pariah]

-Why would an ancient Egyptian never have admitted to being gay?
They were always in de-Nile.

-What did an Egyptian say if he was about to fart?
"I feel a Tooten'-comen-on!"

-Why did the Borg cross the road?
To assimilate the chicken.

-Why did the time traveller cross the road?
To count the chicken before it hatched.

 

[warmwaffles]

What is Micheal Jackson's favorite time?
When the little hand is on the big hand

 

[Pariah]

I hear you were SO ugly as a child that when you went to Neverland, Michael Jackson made you sleep in your own bed!

(No offence buddy.)

 

[Al Zan]

nice!

 

[Amenhotep7]

-Why would an ancient Egyptian never have admitted to being gay?
They were always in de-Nile.

-What did an Egyptian say if he was about to fart?
"I feel a Tooten'-comen-on!"

BOO!:rant:

Other than that, these are pretty good!

 

[Ankka]

Not bad ones at all!

 

[Pariah]

-What sort of dodgy business was rampant in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid selling...

-And which was rife in the Old West?
Cowboy building...

I won't even answer the one about what kind of sex was encouraged in Sodom.

 

[warmwaffles]

Ok here is one you ask your girl friend
Would you tell anyone if you woke up in the morning with vasiline up your butt and your butt hurts?

And if she answers NO say "Let's go camping"