My first attempt at poetry

[stratego]

My first attempt at poetry. First two lines taken from Washington Posts competition for "Most romantic first line along with least romantic second line"

Ambivalence of Love
Love and beauty you float with grace,
If only you can hide your face.
The moment I felt your sweet embrace
I pray to God that I was maced.
Your skin is soft like heaven's glaze
Am I hallucinating? Is my drink laced?

 

[Lord Draegon]

Awesome Poetry

 

[The_Unforgiven]

how many women fell for that? Hundreds I assume?

 

[stratego]

Ambivalence of Love extended
Of love and beauty you float with grace,
If only you can hide your face.
The moment I felt your sweet embrace
I pray to God that I was maced.
When you hold me around that special place
My heart darkens with deep disgrace.
Your beauty extends the celestrial space,
But here on earth, it's without a trace.
Your skin is soft like heaven's glaze
Am I hallucinating? Is my drink laced?

How can I add to this?

 

[lbhhh]

Nice work!
keep it up.

 

[Achinz]

And here's an effort at the age of ten:

Oh what is love asked a boy of four
I asked 'cause I've never loved before.
I've searched for it from shore to shore
From Timbucktu to Singapore
Yet I have nought as my highest score.

For all your actions I you implore
Remain all single for evermore.

 

[MajorGeneral2]

I never before realized how skilled CFC poets are. Perhaps I'll practice some,
*ahem*
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
My teacher stinks,
And so do you.
Hmm... I'll leave the poetry to others.

 

[The_Unforgiven]

Roses are red,
Violets are blue
I'm a schizofrenic,
And so am I

 

[Yaniv]

I love coffee
I love tea
I love you
I love me

Got this one from an episode of Bundy.

and for my own creation:

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I am pink
But what the **** are you?

 

[Achinz]

@yaniv
You should at least try to rhyme eg

Roses are red and true
Violets are blue
I am pink
But what the ****'s your colour, you think?

 

[stratego]

(This is incomplete, but I'll post again when I increase the number of lines)

Not as romantic as the first, but whatever

Ambivalence of Love (part II)
Your body is a temple in the crystal air,
But this temple's exterior needs repair.
The night's wind whisper to your silk-like hair,
"The ones on your legs can be removed by Nair."
Girl, you and I would be the perfect pair,
But then I notice you're hung like a bear.

 

[The_Unforgiven]

@ Achinz

there are more ways to rhyme, you know... It's not always best to have two consequent lines rhyme. It's the easiest to do, but look up some poems, lots of them use different styles. Not that I'm an expert tho...

See your own rendition. the Rhyme appears a little forced...

 

[Achinz]

@The_Unforgiven

Sure I was just giving a very quick example. But in this thread there should be an attempt at rhymes anyway this is achieved. Yet your attempt did not even have a rhyme in it.

 

[The_Unforgiven]

Originally posted by Achinz
@The_Unforgiven

Sure I was just giving a very quick example. But in this thread there should be an attempt at rhymes anyway this is achieved. Yet your attempt did not even have a rhyme in it.

I know, just pointing out different rhymes:

examples:

'standard' rhyme:
A
A
B
B

'crossed', 'alternating' or 'interlocking' rhyme:
A
B
A
B

'intermittent' rhyme:
X
A
Y
A

'envelope' or 'inserted' rhyme:
A
B
B
A


And by the way... mine was a GREAT example of artistic freedom, , actually exists and called a blank verse

 

[Conqueror '91]

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Now watch me beat your head in

I actually saw this on someone's book at school last week. The sudden effect was too much for me....

 

[Achinz]

@ The_Unforgiven
If you care to look up posts under my name you will find some examples (I like to muck about with light verse in the posts).

But my published poem would have the quality of freedom you like, orignally posted to the thread " Post your writings" in OT:

"It is late," the lady said
And I disbelieved her.
She looked at me
So wistfully
With invitation on her shoulders bare
I could not leave her there.
She sat there like an overfed hen
Without an egg to hatch;
I did not like the patch
On her head
and then I realised she was bald.
How persistently she called
To me
If I could understand her language of stone
I would make her flesh and bone.

 

[ybbor]

the moment i first saw you i knew you were the one
who had just stank up the room and let one
i love you and you will always be mine
if only suicide was not a crime
roses are red, violets are blue,
unfortuantly you smell like poo

 

[Fanatica]

My little dog loved levity,
I use to call him Fred;
I read to him your poetry,
So now my dog is dead!

 

[stratego]

Originally posted by Fanatica
My little dog loved levity,
I use to call him Fred;
I read to him your poetry,
So now my dog is dead!

I send to Fred my deep regards,
may in peace he rest;
But I doubt the cause was my poetry,
Perhaps twas your breath