New Euro Language

[MTheil3508]

"The European Union commissioners have announced that an agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known asEuroEnglish (Euro for short). In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c". Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy.

Also, the hard "c" will be replased with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced by "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20 per sent shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be
expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e"s in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go. By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" by "z" and "w" by " v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou", and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst place."

Run dat thru yer spelcheker.

 

[Strider]

That was great!!!! Where did you get that???

 

[smalltalk]

Top notch!

Also very polite. You didn't mention the war.

 

[Zcylen]

the first time I couldnt finish reading it

 

[philippe]

hehe you got more of those?

 

[Hitro]

I like that language.

 

[Portuguese]

You wanted, didn't you.

One of this you can't catch when you want

 

[DiamondzAndGunz]

That one's great. I've heard it before though. Was really funny the first time around

 

[MTheil3508]

I got this in a e-mail a LONG time ago. I acually thought I deleted this, I even ran a search and came up empty.

I haven't got any more like this one, but I am posting a few jokes in the "Jokes-keep them clean" thread.

 

[Eastern Knight]

yu forgot zis: sh = sch, -y =i, x = ks
zis vas funier zan i zught

 

[Serutan]

Looks like someone stole this one:

---------------------------------------------------

A Plan for the Improvement of English Spelling

For example in Year d1 that useless letter "c" would be dropped to be
replased either by "k" or "s", and likewise "x" would no longer be a
part of the alphabet. The only kase in which "c" would be retained
would be the "ch" formation, which will be dealt with later. Year 2
might reform the "w" spelling, so the "which" and "one" would take
the same konsonant, wile Year 3 might well abolish "y" replasing it
with "i" and Iear 4 might fiks the "g/j" anomali wonse and for all.

Jenerally, then the improvement would kontinue iear bai iear with
Iear 5 doing awai with useless double konsonants, and iears 6-12 or
so modifaiing vowlz and the rimeining voist and unvoist konsonants.
Bai Iear 15 or sou, it wud fainali bi posibl tu meik ius ov thi
ridandant letez "c", "y" and "x" bai now jast a memori in the maindz
ov ould doderez tu riplais "ch", "sh", and "th" rispektivli.

Fainali, xen, aafte sam 20 iers ov orxogrefkl riform, wi wud hev a
lojikl, kohirnt speling in ius xrewawt xe Ingliy-spiking werld.

Mark Twain (1835-1910)

 

[Benderino]

This is the funniest thing I've heard in weeks. Thanks for the laughs.

 

[puglover]

Exzelent

 

[Eastern Knight]

 

[Azale]

lol, one of the best jokes ive seen hear

 

[Japanrocks12]

Man that was clever.

I think it deserves my secret smilie:

 

[h4ppy]

Originally posted by MTheil3508
"The European Union commissioners have announced that an agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known asEuroEnglish (Euro for short). In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c". Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy.

Also, the hard "c" will be replased with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced by "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20 per sent shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be
expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e"s in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go. By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" by "z" and "w" by " v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou", and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst place."

Run dat thru yer spelcheker.

You missed the silent e.

 

[Eastern Knight]

"Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e"s in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go."
--- silent "e"

 

[G-Man]

It was posted in one of the jokes threads a while back... I remember printing in hanging it on the wall of the class before an English lesson