Pastry Warriors: The Roll-Playing Game

Kinich-Ahau

#JustGoomyThings
Joined
Jul 3, 2010
Messages
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This is a game about pastries. Pastries with tools and weapons and superpowers. It’s sort of like Toy Story or The Brave Little Toaster, only more violent & not as depressing. And with baked goods. You thought I was joking when I asked if there would be interest in this sort of thing. You thought ‘It’s been months since that random comment in DT’s magic AC, there’s no way he’s going to follow through with it.’ Guess what, buddy, you were wrong.

For six centuries, the residents of the Sugar Bowl have lived in peace; numerous preemptive strikes by their immortal ruler, the Naan Khan, have kept the surrounding nations too weak to invade, and the ruthless secret police force, the Leaveners, has quelled any dissent. All is not lost, however; a ragtag bag of rebels and expatriates have managed to elude the Leaveners long enough to be legitimate threat, and are determined to bring down the tyrannical Naan Khan at all costs. You are one of those individuals.

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Name: I really, really hope this needs no further explanation
Level: You start at 0; you gain a feat every odd level and a stat point every even level
XP: You start at 0; every 1000 of these gains you a level
HP: The amount of punishment you can take before dying; you start with 20 and gain 5/level
WP: The amount of mental punishment you can take before breaking down and crying like a pansy; you start with 20 and gain 5/level
Pastry: This is a bit more complex
Spoiler :
  • Flour Type: What’s in you?
    • Wheat Flour: Filling but bland, it is the most common type of flour. Good on defense, meh on offense.
    • Corn Flour: The Wheat man took your cropland; you’re going to take it back by any means necessary. The children of the Cornmeal are very good on the offense, but a bit flat-footed on defense.
    • Acorn Flour: You’re a little nutty. You gain a bonus when attempting something ridiculous, but mundane life is rather challenging.
    • Banana Flour: It’s not easy being green, but sometimes it is rewarding. Critical hits and critical failures happen more often.
    • Coconut Flour: High in fiber, you’re a real superfood. You are very good at melee, but the subtleties of mental combat elude you.
    • Hemp Flour: Your mind has been, like, expanded, man… check out my haaaands… You gain a bonus to all psionic moves, but aren’t the best in close quarters.
    • Potato Flour: Mashed, boiled, brewed, or baked; what can’t you do with Potatoes? Gain a small bonus to all actions, but I can auto-fail you once per mission.
    • Rice Flour: The exotic rice men of the east are famously disciplined, but cultural differences work against them. You can auto-succeed once per mission, but gain a small malus to all actions.
    • Other: You’d be surprised what some pastries are made of. Clear your own flour and bonus with me.
  • Baked Type: Have you got the goods?
    • Bread: The staple of every organization, you’re a natural leader. Bonus to leadership rolls.
    • Croissant: Some call you twisted, but is that really fair? Gain a bonus to intimidation rolls.
    • Empanada: Extremely greasy, which comes in handy from time to time. Bonus to escape rolls.
    • Mooncake: A traditionalist; some say you are backwards, but you prefer to think of it as relying on tried and true knowledge passed down for generations. Gain a bonus to knowledge rolls.
    • Pretzel: The twists and turns of your daily life make you very good at unraveling things. Bonus to detecting lies.
    • Bagel: It is said that you are empty inside. Oy vey! Gain a bonus to dodging.
    • Cookie: Cookies are extremely diverse; why, some of them even look like other pastries! Gain a bonus to stealth rolls.
    • Other: I know I missed pies and Taiyaki; what are you going to do about it? Clear your own baked good and bonus with me.
  • Fillings and Toppings: Sometimes butter isn’t enough
    • Nothing: You’re a strong, independent black woman pastry who don’t need no toppings. Bonus to mental resistance checks.
    • Whipped Cream: So light and fluffy. Gain a bonus to trap avoidance.
    • Meat: There’s an entire food chain inside of you. Bonus to physical resistance checks.
    • Vegetables: Your mother always said to eat your greens so you’d grow up big and strong; she was lying, of course, but one can hope, can’t they? +1 carrying capacity.
    • Fruits: Why compare apples to oranges when you can take both instead? Increased turn priority.
    • Cheese: People always told you that your maker was blessed, and you never figured out why. Gain 5 HP OR your CON score in HP, whichever is higher.
    • Chocolate: The food of the gods, everyone wants a piece of you. Bonus to charisma checks.
    • Honey: The other food of the gods, you go well with just about everything. Give a teammate of your choice one of the above bonuses for the duration of a mission.
    • Other: People can eat really weird stuff. Clear your own filling or topping and bonus with me.
Stats: Standard 5 in each to start, 11 wherever, can't rise above 10 or go below 1
  • STR (Strength): Contributes to melee damage; every 3 points beyond the first allows you to carry one additional item.
  • FIN (Finesse): Contributes to melee dodge chance, melee hit chance, stealth, and (tactile) perception.
  • ALA (Alacrity): Contributes to ranged dodge chance, move priority, all types of perception not covered by other stats, and psychic/power hit chance.
  • CON (Constitution): Contributes to physical resistance; each point above 5 gives +5 HP, and every 3 points gives +1 HP/level up.
  • INT (Intelligence): Contributes to knowledge and logic, audio perception, medicine, psychic/power resistance, and charisma damage.
  • WILL (Willpower): Contributes to psychic/power damage; each point above 5 gives +5 WP, and every 3 points gives +1 WP/level up. Also charisma resistance
  • AIM (Aim): Ranged hit chance and damage, and visual perception.
  • CHA (Charisma): Contributes to leadership rolls, the ability to lie and detect lies, and charisma hit chance.
Feats:
Spoiler :
  • Charles Atlas Superpastry: +2 STR
  • Wealth and Taste: +2 FIN
  • Genki Girl/Genki Guy: +2 ALA
  • High in Iron: +2 CON
  • Brain Food: +2 INT
  • Diet Food: +2 WILL
  • Part of a Complete Breakfast: +2 AIM
  • Magically Delicious: +2 CHA
  • Sugar Rush: Don’t go overboard; +2 actions for 2 turns; useable once per battle. Also gives a permanent +1 to move priority.
  • Pie in the Face: It never gets old; bonus to ranged combat, critical hits at range grant a free action.
  • Baguette Beatdown: Neither does this; bonus to melee combat, critical hits in melee grant a free action.
  • Chewing the Scenery: Milk the cows while you’re at it; bonus to charisma damage, critical charisma rolls grant a free action.
  • Magic Mushroom: Has more uses than the obvious; bonus to psychic/power combat, critical psychic/power hits grant a free action.
  • Telepastry: Read and (attempt to, anyway) control minds.
  • Pastrykinesis: Manipulate things with your mind.
  • Asbestos-Free: Pull the wool over their eyes and dazzle them with illusions.
  • Produce Pelting: And other stuff as well; any kind of ranged attack, be it magical or mundane.
  • Soufflé Shield: Force fields and stuff.
  • Supreme Chef: Cook up replacement limbs and organs on the go! The medical skill.
  • Has Fewer Calories: You’re so light, you can fly!
  • Indestructible Edible: Careful, you might break your teeth on this stuff. +3 Armor levels
  • Dagwood Sandwich: Where do you keep all those things? +3 carrying capacity
  • Just Desserts: What you’ll be giving to the Naan Khan; bonus to rolls against bosses
  • Cordon Bleugh Chef: The reason underlings avoid you when they can; bonus to rolls against mooks
  • And of course, custom feats are permissible
Inventory: You start with 2 slots for items; you are armed and armored by the resistance, so don’t worry about paying for them. I hope this is obvious, but you only gain the benefit of an item if you’re using it; just carrying a spear around doesn’t make you better at dodging.
Spoiler :
  • Axe: Ignores 1 level of armor
  • Flail: Ignores 1 level of armor and gains a bonus to damage, but is very likely to hit you or your allies on a miss
  • Sword: Bonus to hit
  • Spear: Bonus to dodge chance
  • Hammer: Chance to deprive an enemy of an action for a turn
  • Blunderbuss: Ignores 1 level of armor and gains a bonus to damage, but has a to hit penalty
  • Musket: Bonus to damage
  • Flamethrower: Gains a bonus to hit and damage, but is very likely to hit you or your allies on a miss
  • Leather Armor: Grants 1 level of armor
  • Chainmail Armor: Grants 2 levels of armor and decreases move priority by 1
  • Plate Armor: Grants 5 levels of armor, decreases move priority and dodge chance by 2, and takes 2 item slots
  • Shield Wall: Grants 2 levels of armor and decreases move priority by 1; gives no armor bonus when used with plate armor
  • Buckler: Grants 1 level of armor and increases dodge chance by 1
  • Rope: It’ll probably be useful at some point
  • High-Quality Ingredients: +1 to medical rolls
  • Other: Got any other ideas?
Biography: Who were you before you joined the resistance? Why did you join?

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Well, I'm certainly interested. :p
 
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