Autumn Leaf
Since 1992
And BTW, looking forward to playing Scythia and swooping down on all those fat farmers with their fat-tailed sheep and grazing my horses in their fat overgrown fields. 

No workers at all?RFC GW 2.0 - Sumeria - Monarch - Historical Victory in 2000 BC - Score 1175, Dan Quayle
UHV 1: The First Great Civilization: Be the first to discover The Wheel, Masonry and Cuneiform.
UHV 2: The influence of Ur: Make Ur the #1 Cultural city in 2000 BC.
UHV 3: The Legend of Sargon: Control a city in Sumer, Akkad, Subartu and Khuzestan by 2180 BC.
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Here's the usual caveat about misleading phrasing: Actual code for UHV 3 is "if (iGameTurn == i2200BC):", meaning you need to control those cities IN 2200 BC (it will be evaluated in the inter-turn and announced in 2180 BC) not BY 2180 BC (which would be "if (iGameTurn <= i2200BC):").
As usual, I founded on the spot. Since I am Gilgamesh, I named my city Uruk, not Ur. I instantly used my missionary to found Annunaki. If you don't spread Annunaki immediately then it will spread anyway in a few turns, leaving you with a Missionary you can use later, but Culture is a UHV condition for Ur and if you don't spread it immediately then you are leaving 4 Culture per turn on the table in the meantime. I started work on a Brewery.
UHV 1: I set my research path to The Wheel (for the free Scientist and for UHV 1), Mysticism (for Monarchy and Deification), Mining (for Stone), Urban Settlements (for Javelineers and Settlers), Masonry (for UHV 1), Hunting (pre-req), Spokes (pre-req), Trade (pre-req), Cuneiform (for UHV 1). Note that although there is no formal deadline for UHV 1, the Minoans spawn with Masonry in 2690 BC and the Babylonians spawn with Cuneiform in 1890 BC; therefore you must have these techs by those dates. You can't delay along the way to pick up a bunch of other nice-to-have techs. Also, because Hunting is late in the list, it will be a while before you can go popping villages. There used to be a village south of you in Arabia that you could reach with your Warrior and maybe pop a Scout or a technology before the Warrior had to race back to defend Ur, but that seems to have been nixed. The nearest villages are now in places like Anatolia, Armenia and Persia. It's a use-your-judgement thing - do you need hammers or villages more?
UHV 2: You are probably going to be fighting with Waset in Egypt for this one. They start with the Slavery civic; you don't. Don't even think about chasing Stonehenge - you need to use your hammers for other things.
UHV 3: Conquer Agade. Found Ninevah. Raze Larsa when it flips, to allow Shusan to grow, because you will probably need to capture not raze Shusan unless you literally throw everything you have into training a second Settler.
I could see an Independent Town Guard west of me. My Warrior headed that way and soon discovered an unprotected Jericho. The TG did not go into the city, so I attacked it for experience. The fate of Jericho was my first decision. If I captured it, it would auto-raze. If I left it, it would probably be razed by barbs. I decided to leave it; the bounty for capturing the town was too small to be worth it. Maybe (however unlikely) it would survive and flip.
In 3890 BC I discovered The Wheel and received the GS. Uruk, pop 3, was working two of the Flood Plains with Trade and the Desert Hill east of Jericho (hammer with Trade) and was generating 12 beakers. If I made the GS a Specialist he would give 6 beakers, a hammer and improve the chances for my GS. If I built an Academy it would bring 6 beakers per turn initially and more later, plus 4 culture per turn. I went for the Academy; culture was probably going to be a fight with Waset and unless I popped a GA I needed every note.
In 3740 BC, Uruk was about to grow to pop 4 and become unhappy, so I ran some micro-management razzle-dazzle, alternately working the two-hammer hill (starvation) and a Flood Plain (surplus food) to keep myself on the edge of growth. By 3620 BC I was 1 turn from Masonry and I left my citizen on the Flood Plain so Uruk would grow next turn. In 3590 BC I discovered Mysticism and revolted to Monarchy and Deification. I also inserted a Monument ahead of the Brewery in my build queue. I kept three Flood Plains with Trade in use (notably the one with Incense), and put my new citizen on the two-hammer Hill, which was now generating Trade. The alternative was the Plains south of the river, which had one Food, one Hammer and one Trade, but I wanted to get my Monument and Brewery built. As soon as I came out of anarchy in 3560 BC, I converted to Annunaki. By 3530 BC I was running free, with 7 happy faces to 4 unhappy ones.
In 3500 BC, Larsa spawned and the Vulture from it looked like it was coming for me ... then the next turn, it turned around and went home!
In 3350 BC I discovered Mining, woohoo! I put the citizen from the Hill on the Stone instead, trading two hammers and trade for three food and a hammer for faster population growth.
In 3260 BC I reached 5 pop and was working the Stone plus the Trade Flood Plains. In 3200 BC there was a Sumerian revolt in Larsa. In 3170 I built my Monument and resumed my Brewery, plus grew to pop 6; I put the new citien on a flood plain. In 3080 BC I discovered Urban Settlement and queued a Javelineer and a Settler after the Brewery. In 3020 I grew to pop 7 and rearranged my citizens, working the all the Incense tile plus Flood Plains. In 2990 BC I built my Brewery. In 2930 BC there was a Sumerian revolt in Jericho, which somehow was still surviving. In 2780 Annunaki spread in larsa.
In 2750 BC I discovered Masonry and, not incidentally, founded Hellenism in Uruk. My happy cap was still 9 but now I had 1 point of religious unhappiness; if I let my city grow to 8 pop, it would be unhappy. I didn't worry about it; I would be stagnant for a long time building a Settler.
In 2720 BC, Kindattu popped up to declare war on me. So be it. In 2690 BC, Larsa finally flipped. To give Shusan access to a flood plain I disbanded Larsa, net gain one Javelineer. I brought my Javelineer home to avoid scaring Kindattu.
In 2630 BC I discovered Hunting. I was now on a beeline for Cuneiform (UHV 1, Spokes -> Trade -> Cuneiform). In 2600 BC I trained a Javelineer in Uruk. I checked the city and reset the citizens for the fastest possible Settler (11 turns).
In 2570 BC, Shusan's borders expanded. I checked the Stone flood: no sign of being worked. I checked in WB: Shusan was working the hilltop E of town. You're never going to grow that way, Kindattu! Looked like I might need a second Settler. I checked north - no sign of cities in Akkad or Subartu; was I playing the right version?
In 2480 BC, Hiram popped up to say hello. In 2405 BC I discovered Spokes.
In 2395 BC, I trained my Settler and started on a Town Guard for quick Happy Police, with a Javelin to follow. My two Javelineers went NE with the Settler. In 2360 BC I killed a barb Vulture that appeared beside them, and in 2345 a KR that foolishly came down from the hills. I promoted my Javelineers to Drill I.
In 2330 BC, Agade popped up - with its defenders standing 1 SW of it. My Settler and one Javelineer were standing 1 SE of the site. My Javelineer instantly nabbed the undefended city and my Settler followed it in for safety. My other Javelineer killed a KR who appeared on the hills NE. Shusan was 2 pop, with one KR. I promoted my Javelineer to Shock but as it was injured I fortified it there and started bringing the other Javelineer east to help. My Settler went N. Uruk trained a Town Guard. I switched to another Town Guard. Number of units meant more than unit power here. My Warrior headed NE.
2315 BC: My injured Javelineer threw itself recklessly on Shusan - and captured the city! In 2300 BC my units reversed their steps to guard Agade and Uruk; my Settler went N. I despatched the Town Guard toward Agade.
2270 BC: The Settler, which was standingon1 N of the site of future Ashur, founded Ninevah. My Javelineer started north from Agade to garrison it. 2240 BC: all cities guarded. Hellenism had spread to Agade and Ninevah. Somewhere in this tumult, Uruk lost a population point, dropping back to 6. I left it there. Who knows what horror might happen if I turned back the clock to correct it?
In 2225 BC I discovered Trade and revolted to Trade Economy. In 2210 BC, my Town Guard in Agade saw off a barb Vulture.
In 2180 BC, UHV 3 ticked off! I was 8 turns from Cuneiform. I checked the Top 5 Cities: no Wonders. What was Waset up to? I'd had no chance to send a unit to Egypt. I'd just have to forge ahead and hope. The nearest rival I could actually see was Byblos; I was 796 to their 162.
In 2090 BC my Gold ran out. I turned my Research down to 60%; Cuneiform was now 3 turns away.
In 2045 BC I discovered Cuneiform! I selected Slash & Burn (Workers) for my next tech, not that it mattered much; I had achieved my tech goal. Anything else I researched from here was going to be post-UHV. I revolted to Oligarchy.
It's 2000 BC and HISTORICAL VICTORY TIME!
Stability: Solid (+25); 15, 10, -8, 12, -4. Waset, according to the WB, has 574 Culture; Uruk has 940.
So here I am once again, sitting on my crumbling walls, looking out across the desert. But this time, instead of vile Babylon - I can see smiling Sumerian guards waving back from Agade, Ninevah and Shushan. I know Babylon is coming, but this time, I swear, I will strike my mikku and pukku as Hammurabi is consigned to the underworld, the house from which no one ever comes forth, where people are clad like birds with garments of wings, where over door and bolt dust has spread; the house of darkness whose occupants are bereft of light, where dust is their food and clay their sustenance!
Spoiler The Sumerian Empire in 2000 BC :
ETA: 1580 BC, Babylon captured.
Is Egypt's UHV #1 possible now that you can't use artists this early? (I'm assuming there was an update - just download Greek World.) I've tried basically every combination of all the things and it seems impossible, like not even close.
No workers at all?
You can't delay along the way to pick up a bunch of other nice-to-have techs.
It's a use-your-judgement thing - do you need hammers or villages more?
In 2045 BC I discovered Cuneiform! I selected Slash & Burn (Workers) for my next tech
In 2510 BC, apart from Stonehenge completing, the GS Louis Pasteur was born in Memphis. He built an Academy (+4 Culture). I'm not sure how that worked - in 2540 BC I was 57/90 for a Great Person, with 100% probablilty of a GP.
I think that's from discovering The Wheel. I'll admit it's a bit broken that Egypt can do that, IIRC previously Sumeria always took the GS if Egypt went for Mysticism.