Quotes from REAL college history papers!

I think it's time for another round. :)
I'll start posting chapter titles from now on.
Mullet Crusader: This is what the compiler says: "I have taken the liberty of weaving their sentences into a more-or-less coherent fabric, but the words belong to them."

Imperialism and International Rivalries: From the Missionary Position to Sweet Relief

- Imperialism was larger in the late ninetieth century.
- European countries were growing dramatically and instead of spilling onto each other they had to go elsewhere.
- Another reason that the governments of European nations tried to take over other lands was so that they could gain so-called "cleavage."
- According to George Orwell, the British reduced Burma to a small city north of India.
- Europeans in India inhabited designated spots where they could practice their imperialist values on one another.
- Another example of this is Rudward Kissinger's poem "The White Man's Burden."
- Children born to Europeans and Asians were known as Euthanasians - a situation which troubled them for life.
- The "Arrow Insident" was when a British officer was slapped across the face by an Egyptian member.
- General Grodon, a celibate who showed an interest in boys and visiting slums, involved himself in unusual mystical beliefs.
- Kitchener defeated an Arab leader known as the Mad He.
- Japan became a European country during the Benji Restoration.
- China, which was already weakened by imperialist spears of influence, produced the Boxcar Rebellion.
- The Russo-Japanese War exploded between Japan and Italy.
- Infestations of gold in South Africa led to the Boar War between England and Denmark.
- The Boors were a group of farmers whose routes had been inserted into the African soil for long ages. This fact goes far to explain their ability in gorilla war.
- In 1898 the Spanish-American War was fought between the United States and Mexico. It gave rise to American generals such as Robert T. Lee and proved itself a highly useful war.
- Admiral Dewey sank the Spanish Armada in Vanilla Bay.
- Teddy ("J.R.") Roseaveld spoke softly, threatened with his big stick, and built the Panema Canal through Mexico. From this the events moved to an ensurpation by Poncho Vidalia.
- Germany's William II had a chimp on his shoulder and therefore had to ride his horse with only one hand.
- The Austro-Hungarian Compromise was the result of a defeated Austria combing with Hungary. This was very strange.
- Auto van Bismarck kept both sides from the middle.
- Archduke Rudolph used a suicide pack to kill himself and his girlfriend. This cleared the way to power for the young Francais Ferdinand.
- All during this time Austria-Hungary was weakened by its problem of ethical diversity.
- The German takeover of All-Sauce Lorrain enraged the French, who clamored for vendetta.
- Dreyfus was a Frenchman who sold technicians to the Germans for money.
- The Drey-Fus chase was the biggest crises of all during this time.
- Lloyd George ran for office on the popular slogan "soak up the rich."
- The Russian revolution of 1905 began about 1907. Unfortunately, the Czar was easily influenced by flutterers.
- Rasputin was a pheasant by birth, and showed it in his looks.
- The Triple Alliance faced NATO. This too was produced by Bismarck, who worked for Caesar at the time.
- The five European grade powers were England, France, Germany, Russia, and Australia-Mongolia.
- Europe grew fevered with heated tensions thrusting toward an outlet.
- The Bland Hand Society in Sarajevo caked the streets looking for the aire to the throne.
- In 1914 the assignation of Archduke Ferdman gave sweet relief to the mounting tensions.

Whew!
 
Chapter 20
The Catastrophe of 1914: An Unthinkable War Becomes Thinkable
- World War I broke out around 1912-1914. The deception of countries to have war and those who didn't want one led the countries of Europe and the world to an unthinkable war which became thinkable.
- Germany was on one side of France and Russia was on the other.
- The Germans used the "Schleppen Plan" to surprise France by attacking through Bulgaria, which is not far from Paris.
- General von Falkenhayn, of course, was right: the French would breed themselves to death in order to retake Verdun. Many, however, died ineffectively.
- Austria fought the Snerbs.
- The Allies versed the Turks.
- The British used mostly Aztec troops to fight at Gallipoli.
- Italy joined the Allies and this was useful because of their common border with Australia.
- The Easter Indiscretion could be considered an expression of Irish feelings toward the war.
- Florence of Arabia fought over the dessert.
- At a certain point the British government began to grow weary of women's role in the war.
- Unresurrected submarine warfare led the Germans to sink the Titanic and thus bring the USA into the war.
- Military technology progressed with ideas such as guns which would shoot generally straight.
- At war people get killed, and then they aren't people anymore, but friends.
- After fighting in the trenches, the soldiers became close, no matter what their social standards.
- Men on both sides would have gotten to know each other much better if they didn't have to wear uniforms.
- When peace broke out the men excitedly relieved themselves wherever they were.
- Many of the war's causalities later came home to drain their familys.
- More than nine million young men had been led down the garden path to bite the farm.
- Actually, more people died from Spanish Fly than from the War itself.
- It is hard to believe that all who took part in the war were first cousins, but stranger things have happened. I guess.
 
Boar War and Gorilla :lol: :lol: classic.
 
Chapter 21
The Russian Revolution: Rasputin Meets the Zeitgeist
- Russia's chances in this war were largely farfetchual.
- Tsarist Russia was poor and backward despite government efforts to encourage the military-industrial complex and space technology.
- The Russian middle class were called Bolsheviks.
- Communism raged among the peasants.
- Nicholas II let himself be pulled into strainful positions by his wife.
- To make matters worse, his son was diagnosed with hemophilatelism, a sickness which required him to fall down and hurt himself badly.
- Rasputin made friends with the Zeitgeist.
- Russian generals were idiots and Russian industry could only produce one or two bullets a year.
- The army, no surprise, soon was destestimated.
- The only choice for Russian soldiers was to use their guns as spheres.
- All this and more was predicted by Lenin in Capitalism: The Highest Stage of Socialism.
- Lenin rose to power by promising "Peace, Land and Reds."
- The civil war "team colours" were red and white.
- Trotsky hoped only for a military insertion.
- Meanwhile, all the Liberals could do was to try to give a goat to democracy.
- In 1937 Lenin revolted Russia after the Germans sent him home on a soiled train.
- Nearly everybody breathed a sigh of relief when the Communists were able to restore chaos.
 
Chapter 22
The Inter-War Era: Just Give Peas a Chance
- Peace was proclaimed at Versigh, which was attended by George Loid, Primal Minister of England.
- President Wilson arrived with fourteen pointers.
- When Wilson suffered a stroke, the head cheerleader for the League of Nations lost his pompoms.
- El Alamein was an Indian leader who sent his son Faisal to the conference.
- Germany was displaced after World War I.
- The Treaty of Trianon cost Hungary more than six fifths of its land.
- Austria and Turkey were left to wander by themselves.
- Many people got new countries who shouldn't have.
- After the war the great powers tried to cut military spending by building enormous navies.
- Ataturk required his people to catch up with modern times and therefore stop wearing turbines.
- Germany was morbidly excited and unbalanced.
- The Wiener Republic was nobody's ticket to democracy.
- Berlin became the decadent capital, where all forms of sexual deprivations were practised.
- The Beer Hall Putsch was a popular lesbian on the large scale.
- Cat berets were a favorite form of German entertainment at this time.
- The Spartacist revolt was led by a man and woman named Rosa Luxemburg.
- The United States experienced a Red scarce shortly after World War I.
- Economic problems were caused mostly by falling prices, a problem we now recognize as inflation.
- The Teapot Doom Scandal was a factor leading to Prohibition.
- J. M. Keynes tells us there is no existence between big government and business.
- When the Davy Jones Index crashed in 1929 many people were left to political incineration.
- Some, like John Paul Sart, retreated into extraterrestrialism.
- Bad economic conditions led militarists to pull off coops in several countries.
- The New Deal was an idea inspired by President Franklin Eleanor Roosavelt.
- Lennon ruled in Russia. He was first zar of the Soviet Union.
- Eventually he started the NOPE (No Economic Plan) to encourage the peasants.
- When he died the USSR was run by a five man triumpherate - Stalin, Lenin, Trotsky, Menshevik, and Buchanan.
- Stalin expanded capitalism by building machine tractor stations.
- Workers who exceeded their quotas were placed above others as stalactites.
- Stalin wrote Dizzy with Success to justify his refrigeration of the kulaks.
- When things didn't go as planned, Stalin used the peasants as escape goats.

Continued later... :)
 
Gotta fulfill my promise from last post...
Continuation of Ch. 22
- A huge anti-semantic movement arose. This attitude encouraged the German people to embrace Hitler's raciest ideas and plans for the Third Reich.
- Hitler, of course, wanted to become the only race.
- Military leaders helped put Hitler in power by forming a cahoots with him.
- The night of glass took place when Hitler ordered Nazis to smash all windows. Fearocity was key to his sucess.
- As Nazi leader of a Communist Germany, Hitler was one leader who wanted all for himself and none for all.
- Totalitarianism subjects its citizens to ruthless propagation.
- Stalin and Hitler were influential and highly viscous leaders who changed the course of history.
- Citizens were often enlightened with lies.
- As Hitler said, "you can fool all of the people all of the time and some of the people from time to time."
- The bigger the whooper the more it had believablness.
- Hitler's instrumentality of terror was the Gespacho.
- These mass propaganda pogroms are perhaps best captivated by Adolph Huxley in his novel 1984.
- Hitler re-militarized the Rineland over a squirmish between Germany and France.
- Nazi Germany and Italy agreed to the Pact of Steal.
- Thus was formed the alliance between the Anxious Powers.
- Hitler believed in a Panned Germany and therefore insisted that Czechoslavia release the Sedated Germans into his care. Later he acquired them after making a deal with Munich.
- In Spain Franco performed a Falange.
- England's rulers vanely hoped for "peas in our time," but were completely foddled by Hitler.
- Moosealini rested his foundations on eight million boyonets and invaded Hi Lee Salasy.
- President of England at this time was Nebble Chamberman, who appeared in videos as a man with a boulder hat.
- The appeasers were blinded by the great red light of the Soviets.
- The policy of appeasement might have worked, however, if it was not for Hitler.
 
I heard this one the other day in my history class:
The professor was talking about the series of faux pas and miscommications that led to war between Cortez and the Aztecs (such as when the Aztecs offered Cortez blood, etc.) A girl stood up and said,
"The Spanish and Mexicans had different ways of communicating"
"How so?" Asked the professor.
"For one, they make different looks when they talk" said the girl.
The professor, interested, asked, "How do you mean?"
The girl replied' "Because Mexicans have different muscles in their face, and cant make some sounds."
I fell out of my chair laughing. The guy sitting next to her, who I think has always had a crush on her, looked like he wanted to crush me.
 
Chapter 23
World War II: Hitler Becomes Depressed
- Few were surprised when the National League failed to prevent another world war. The perverbial chickens laid by the poor peace treaties after World War I all came home to roast.
- The situation before 1939 had all the ingredients to bake a perfect war.
- Stalin and Hitler used the Molotov Ribbon Drop Pack to divide Eastern Europe on the eave of the war.
- Germany invaded Poland, France invaded Belgium, and Russia invaded everybody.
- The Germans took the by-pass around France's Marginal Line. This was known as the "Blintz Krieg."
- The French huddled up and threw sneers at the Germans.
- Japan boomed Pearl Harbor, the main U.S. base in southern California.
- American sailors watched in shock as the sky filled with Japanese zebras.
- Hitler's attack on Russia was secretly called "Operation Barbarella."
- The German invaders were popular for a while in Russia, but their habit of slaughtering innocent civilians tended to give them an image problem.
- The Russians defended Stalingrad feercely, as the city was named after Lenin.
- The Allies landed near Italy's toe and gradually advanced up her leg, where they hoped to find Musalini.
- Casualties sprouted on both sides. Billions died.
- Stalin carefully set his bead on Germany.
- After a time Charles DiGaul started a group called "Let's Free France."
- Stalin, Rosevelt, Churchill, and Truman were known as the "Big Three."
- Hitler, who had become depressed for some reason, crawled under Berlin. Here he had his wife Evita put to sleep, and then shot himself in the bonker.
- War screeched to an end when a nukuleer explosion was dropped on Heroshima.
- Unfortunately, the Second World War was not concluded until 1957.
- A whole generation had been wiped out in two world wars, and their forlorne families were left to pick up the peaces.
 
Did people actually write these on Exams? Wow, they sure did not know what they were typing about, and were just BCing (BullCrap, friendlier then Bullsh**). I hope I didn't make these kinda mistakes on my recent Chem Provincial Exam . . . .

Hehe, I remember my Chem Teacher telling me about Stupid Mistakes make on previous Chem Provincials, but you would have to have taken Chem12 to understand them.
 
Chapter 24
The Cold War: The Morels of the Story
- World War II became the Cold War, because Benjamin Franklin Roosevelt did not trust Lenin and Stalin.
- An ironed curtin fell across the haunches of Europe.
- The ball of events and stoppers that were used to stop it from rolling only added to its momentum which kept it rolling.
- Berlin was airlifted westward and divided into pieces.
- Poland migrated toward the Atlantic Ocean.
- The Marsha Plan put Europe back together with help from Konrad Adenauer, a French leader whose efforts led to the Communist Market.
- Many countries signed the GNAT Agreement.
- The USSR and USA became global in power, but Europe remained incontinent.
- Israel was founded despite the protests of local Arabs known as Zionists.
- In 1956 the United States became distracted by the Sousa Crisis.
- The Russians invaded Poland to show the revolting Hungarians what was what.
- Wars fought in the 1950s and after include the Crimean War, Vietnam, and the Six-Minute War.
- President Eisenhower resorted to the bully pool pit.
- John F. Kennedy worked closely with the Russians to solve the Canadian Missile Crisis.
- The Berlin Wall was built somewhere in Europe.
- President Kennedy soothed the masses, however, with his story about "Itch Ben the Berliner."
- Yugoslavia's Toto became a non-eventualist communist.
- Hochise Min mounted the power curve in Viet Nam.
- Korea became a peninsula.
- Chairman Moo tried to forclothes all outside ideas in China.
- Castro led a coupe in Cuba and shocked many by wiggling his feelers every time there was trouble in Latin America.
- This required the United States to middle in selected bandana republics during the 1960s.
- The British Empire has entered a state of recline. Its colonies have slowly dribbled away leaving only the odd speck on the map.
- Mohammed Gandi, for example, was the last British ruler of India.
- Gandhi became famous for using peace as a weapon. This was a good way to get through to people.
- In 1921 Gandi cast off his western clothes and dawned a loin cloth.
- The French Empire, on the other hand, fell into total term-oil as they clutched painfully at remaining colonies in Argentina and the Far East.
- South Africa followed "Apart Hide," a policy that separated people by skin colour.
- Actually, the fall of empires has been a good thing, because it gives more people a chance to exploit their own people without outside interference.
- The Civil Rights movement in the USA turned around the corner with Martin Luther Junior's famous "If I had a Hammer" speech.
- Martian Luther King's four steps to direct action included self purification, when you allow yourself to be eaten to a pulp.
- The wealing and dealing of President Lynda B. Johnson was another important factor.
- Richard Nixon felt free to shed his morels after defeating Hubert Hoover.
- The roll of women has greatly expanded also.
- Famous women since the Second World War are Queen Victoria and India Gandy.
- Mentally speaking, Russia had to reinvent itself.
- After Stalin died there was an interogation that lasted three years as Krushev criticized Stalin for indiscretions like slaughtering the kulaks.
- This introduced many western policies in Russia, such as the use of strippers at clubs.
- A graph of Nikita Khrushchev's life would appear to be the blueprint of a stomach-turning roller coaster resulting from what can be called a metamorphosis.
- One of his least successful ideas was the "Virgin Soil" programme, where milk and butter were expected to grow in unusual places.
 
that first one from chapter 20 was kinda trippy, i was all dizzy and stuff, trying to understand it. the same thing happens with quantum physics, its kinda fun... yall should try it sometime, quantum physics...
 
Now, now, not complete, just mostly . . .

Hey, if you are going to BS, you might as well BS all the way . . .
 
I think these quotes might be made up by students who had to write an essay that wouldn't really effect their grades.

here's one of mine: "Malcolm X, a black civil rights leader during the Abolitionist era was heavily influence by his father Malcolm IX"
 
Great actual college quote today.

Sociology class, lecturer puts up the word "RACE" on board and asks how we define race. Genius stands up and confidently says, "An attempt of a large number of a people towards some goal." Suddenly realizes it is socio class, sits down red faced, while rest of class is rolling on the floor in laughter, and socio teacher buries face in palms.
 
African-Americans came to the land of liberty to escape religious prosecution and canibalism. Many however can only find jobs as slaves.
 
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