150BC
A new leader has arisen by the simple means of walking up to the members of the cabinet and shooting them. They never did anything, anyway.
OK, everyone, the freedom fighter says now speed is the watchword. Do as I say, not like I do. Hurry. He waves his gun ( or is it crossbow? Just a bow? What age are we in?) pointedly.
Next on the list: Mathematics.
But we have discovered this already, uh, sir.
Yes? Lets go through this together. How many cities do we want?
Uh, twelve, sir. Or maybe thirteen?
Exactly. And when we count our cities, Hamburg and those horribly dense blue dots, what do we get? Come on. 6+1+8 equals...?
Uh, Fifteen? Sir!
Wonderful. So scratch a few dots. Well...No! New plans, new plans! We want score, right?
Ri
And everyone knows that score=territory+population-time, roughly. So what we do is we squeeze in as many cities as possible, build a huge army and try to dominate the world as quickly as possible. So, have a city build a harbor for unsinkable ships [titanic theme plays in background] and have the others train settlers.
But sir, were doing that already
What? Then what did I shoot the other leaders for?
Uh, I dont know, sir.
130 BC
Why didnt you tell me we already had a ship? the new leader roars Did I have to wait TWENTY YEARS to find out? He shoots an advisor at random. OK, lets go visit our soon-to-be-extinct green neighbors. He looks at the ship and counts the hit points on his fingers. And the next ship had better be unsinkable!
The advisors come with a report.
Sir, the green ones call themselves the Aztecs. They are quite inferior technologically. The only techs they have that we dont are Mysticism, Philosophy, Code of laws, Horseback riding and Construction.
Thats a relief. Well amputate their pathetic tech lead when they pay us all their discoveries to spare their last city. Then well capture their last city.
Yes, sir.
But first we need to know which city that is. We need their territory map. Sell them contact with the Germans. Theyll be gone in another century or so anyway.
Yes, sir. And for our world map and 20 gold they will sell us horseback riding and mysticism.
Do it. They will not concern themselves of our lands when we invade theirs. And the gold will be...liberated.
Yes, sir.
Aha! Nine cities ripe for the taking. Next lets meet our yellow neighbor and trick him also into revealing his cities.
Yes, sir. And the Aztecs let slip some hints about how to construct large buildings. We should be able to figure it out in only twenty years
110BC
Sir, we have discovered the secrets of construction.
Took you long enough. Look into this thing called Literature. We need some SF.
Huh? I mean, excuse me, sir?
Never mind.
Yes, sir. I mean, no sir, I wont.
90BC
Sir, a harbor is complete.
What are you waiting for? Builds ships!
Yes, sir
I just love it when you say that.
Yes, sir.
70BC
Sir, the Aztecs have a ship of their own!
So? We shall sink it, eventually.
Yes, sir. We have also trained a settler.
Well, settle a blue dot, then. Eenie, meenie, miney...
Yes, sir. The yellow people are the Zulus, sir. Do you want another map?
Of course. See if we can get a tech, too.
Yes, sir. Code of laws is possible, sir.
See to it, then.
Yes, sir.
Another nine fine sweets, courtesy of the jellies. Our friend jelly-belly Shaka will wake up one day to find his military outnumbered.
Yes, sir. We have destroyed the fledgling Germans, sir
Good. Carry on.
Yes, sir.
50BC
Sir, the people wants to build another floor on your palace to honor your defeat of the unworthy Germans.
Tell them to make a garden instead. Im tired of tripping over rocks every time I go down to the mall.
Yes, sir. We also have more settlers.
Settle them, then. Must I tell you everything?
Yes, sir.
30BC
Sir, the Yellows have founded another city!
So, they seek to confuse us, but in reality they only create more jelly-babies to be savored when the time is right.
Yes, sir.
10BC
Sir, the people of the green have been moving their boat in our waters, but we have built another boat of our own. Shall we press the attack?
All in its proper time. Be patient. And dont say so much at once. I want to comment and hear you say Yes, sir more often.
Yes, sir. We have founded the city of Satsuma.
Good. Keep it up.
Yes sir.
10AD
Sir, our people want to build the Forbidden Palace. Maybe we should...
And maybe we shouldnt. If we conquer everything, do we want two palaces in our homeland?
No, sir. Sir, the granary in Tokyo is complete.
What for? Oh forget it, just build a harbor so they can actually use it.
Yes, sir. We have also founded Kagoshima.
Good, good. Keep on settling.
Yes, sir.
Uh, sir?
What is it?
A boy was born about ten years ago. Some say he is a messiah.
Kill him. He might give rise to monotheism. The people are not ready for that. Not to mention how much damage a religion of peace, love and understanding could prove to our long-range plans.
Yes, sir.
30AD
Sir, Kyoto does not have the sanitation it needs to support a larger population. It needs the Aqueduct improvement. Kyoto is currently working on Galley, shall we switch to Aqueduct?
Let Kyoto complete its Galley, then start the Aqueduct.
Yes, sir. Sir, the people applaud your decision and offer to improve you palace again.
How generous. Ha-
Yes, sir.
Shut up! Ha-
Yes, sir.
SHUT UP! Have them install another floor, the harem is getting crowded.
Yes, sir. We have landed a swordsman next to a barbarian encampment, and our second galley has spotted a Vandal pirate.
Kill them. Dont say Yes, sir
Yes, si-
Gotcha.
Yes, sir.
50AD
Sir, we defeated the pirates and two of the barbarians, but there are more.
Defeat them too, then.
Yes, sir. We have also found an poo-brown civilization to the north. They call themselves the Russians. They dont know any tech we dont, and they are unaware of the existence of the Aztecs and the Jellies. ... Uh, sir?
Yes, advisor?
If you called the yellow people jellies, what will you call the poo-brown people?
That is for me to know and for you to find out.
Yes, sir. Orders, sir?
See if you can sell communications with the pooh-bears to the Azzies and the Jellies, will you.
Yes, sir. We got philosophy and polytheism and some spare change. And we traded world maps with the Fat Lady and got some pocket money.
Another eight conveniently close pieces of lebensraum. How nice.
Yes, sir.
Was that all?
Not quite, sir. There is also...this.
Hey, stop pointing that bow at me!
No, sir.
Thus ended the moderately glorious reign of Tom Peng Pung, Emperor of Japan.
http://www.civfanatics.net/uploads/rbd23a-50ad.zip