To address your last question first, I wouldn't feel bad about changing the files to creating an AI you'd like to play; it's for enjoyment after all. Though, the file is in XML>GameInfo>CIV4HandicapInfo. I myself play on a custom difficulty that is a blend of all difficulties, where it scales better. If you're interested in the changes, I made it so that the AI starts off around monarch level, but scales so that by the end game they are around immortal level. I put a deity level research nerf on the player (me) and removed all AI starting bonuses.
Also, yes, reason why your great buddies are declaring war on you is because of the setting AI plays to win. I personally have it off because though at first it seems like a great option, in practice it ends up creating games like yours where diplomacy is meaningless. Also, I personally go a different route to science, if you are not familiar with the 'specialist economy' I highly recommend you look it up (it's a base game strategy). In essence, I usually beeline for shwedan paya (however you spell it) so that you can unlock all religion civics early on. I do this so that I can get free religion, which allows me to hire unlimited scientists. Make a super science city (SSC) with a crap ton of food and you will be technologically dominant. Usually this SSC will crap out so many great scientists that will only boost your science even more, and it's usually that my SSC is responsible for nearly 80% my of science until the industrial era. Going further with that, I'd recommend that you specialize cities, keep some cities as commercial where you spam cottages, keep other cities as industrial where you don't build any cottages. Again, this is a base game tactic that is pretty efficient. RI does a really good job at allowing small civs to keep pace with large civs in tech, and so to compensate for that you must build/take good cities only. Again, try and specialize them as I said above. This is a quick link I found if you are unfamiliar with the concept: https://www.civfanatics.com/civ4/st...to-city-specialization-and-land-improvements/.
However, atleast in my games on my difficulty, without fail, (perhaps due to my playstyle) I am never a dominant civ until the industrial era. But once the industrial era comes along, that is the time to capitalize. This is where city specialization becomes extremely important, and gaining as much raw resources as possible (I play on maps with the new world, so there is room to colonize). If yours has a new world, I'd consider making a colony and gaining as much raw resources as possible and capitulating smaller civs for raw resources. This is because with vassals, you can demand a lot of their resources without giving much (or any) in return, and these resources will fuel your industry by allowing you to build numerous steel mills, oil refineries, clothing, synthetic plants, etc. Off the top of my head, raw resources you want to prioritize are cotton, wool, dye, oil, coal, iron, copper, bauxite, sulfur, prime timber, limestone, the food for canned food (corn, crab, cattle, fish) and (for late game) gold. Reason you want these is A) allow for more manufactured resources you can in turn trade for more raw resources (or sell for GPT), but the main reason is B) the buildings that produce the manufactured resources; it allows you to hire more craftsmen and oftentimes gives you a free craftsmen. By the industrial era, your industrial cities can become absolute powerhouses by having them work a few farms, with the rest on craftsmen. It is in this portion of the game where you can truly dominate, because production is king, and the winner of wars is the one that can outproduce the enemy. But you also won't be falling behind in science due to your SSC. I should also mention, however, that atleast in my games, by industrial era, you want to have a few more science cities because your one will likely not cut it anymore.
With all of this said, keep in mind my advice comes heavily from my playstyle and my settings. Part of the reason I don't go for any aggressive maneuvers in the early game is because A) it's not as fun to me and B) I play on maps about the size of the built in RI huge world map, so naturally the scope of pre-industrial expansion is limited. Another big thing that my playstyle hinges on is the existence of the new world to colonize.
Everything I just said was advice for building an economy around the renaissance-industrial era, but what I love about RI is that each era is fairly distinct from one another, and one needs to be aware of different things for different eras. Especially warfare and diplomacy, those start to get really important in the industrial era I feel. If you'd like more of my tips (or tips from others) feel free to ask! I think it's safe to say that the people here love to talk about RI.
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