Relationship Advice

Simon Darkshade

Mysterious City of Gold
Joined
Apr 8, 2001
Messages
10,296
Location
Daisy Hill Puppy Farm
Now, I may be an avowed monk who has forsworn any contacts of flesh,etc,etc, but a certain happening tonight makes me ask for the opinions of the collected chorus: One saw a person tonight that one had known before for many a year, yet when one saw them, one's jaw dropped virtually to the ground, and one almost fainted (literally), and thought many impure thoughts. What is to be done in such a situation, and what is to be done to follow it up, as such...
I can destroy the human race easily, but I have no answer for this...:confused:
 
I fear, in your case, that you have fallen in love, with a female. Your evilness is letting up! I suggest you destroy the offender immediatly.

Seriously, I haven't the slightest idea, I have never been in such a relationship. Perhaps explain your thoughts to the person, or us, or whoever.
 
Um, not quite. If one was to reveal the ful truth and extent of the matter, one would probably never get work in one's field again, nor in a number of other areas. Which would **** ones life up totally.

So, what is the procedure for quickly recovering from this latest horrible symptom? One needs to knoe in order to execute such steps immediately.
 
Is this purely a physical attraction? If it is, then treat it as God testing you, and decide. We cannot tell you what to do, only help in the ways we can.

If it isn't and you are in actual love, consider what matters most, the three vows you made to god, of poverty, obedience and chastity, or the needs of the flesh and instinct. (May be a good idea to find out how she views you first, mind)
 
Very easy Simon.

Walk right up to her, look her in the eye, and say "Hi, I'm Simon, we used to know each other back whenever", then ask her to have a drink with you.

Simple and direct, and don't be affraid, your lonely now, if she isn't interested, what have you lost?

Nothing, so take a chance. ;)
 
Darkshade, please report to mental re-calibration unit for urgent re-evilisation.

I would use this tactic..walk up to the shiela and say;

"Awright, love, I'm Evil Simon, I wish to use your body as a
receptacle for my evil seed and to produce my dark heir to the throne."

It can't fail, man!

Personally I use hookers, relationships are for christian freaks.
A lady of the night will not want you to change your lifestyle or get rid your music collection!

Never surrender your freedom!
 
Originally posted by CurtSibling
Darkshade, please report to mental re-calibration unit for urgent re-evilisation.

I would use this tactic..walk up to the shiela and say;

"Awright, love, I'm Evil Simon, I wish to use your body as a
receptacle for my evil seed and to produce my dark heir to the throne."

It can't fail, man!

Personally I use hookers, relationships are for christian freaks.
A lady of the night will not want you to change your lifestyle or get rid your music collection!

Never surrender your freedom!
Oh my god! Your mind is even more acutely twisted than i had earlier thought!:eek:
:p
Seriously, I completely agree with AoA!
What have you got to lose?
 
Well, well!
I expected anything from this evil creature, but this? I think TF should put this right on top of the main page. ;)
The most remarkable thing is not Simon having a crush (let us call things by their proper names). What I would never expect is knowing this from the evil Simon himself! :crazyeyes
I think your reputation will never be the same again...

Well, what can I say? Do as AoA said, nothing wrong will happen to you.

PS. Oh boy, that woman may have just saved the human race. :lol:
 
or you could just make your your evil dark queen, that way you can stay evil and still have sex! :crazyeyes

she'll never refuse your charm...;)
 
when she looks a bit alone, move next to her, look her in the eyes and give her compliments. you will be amazed by how well it works and remember, you have nothing to lose. if you ask her out but she is not interested, she will not blame you nor think that you did anything wrong, she think that she gave you wrong signlas. female brains seems to work that way.
 
Oh gosh. Thank thee for all the replies.
After finally getting some proper sleep (Damn Civfanatics! Damn the Internet!;)), one has been able to give the matter proper consideration.

The problem one alluded to before is not exactly a legalistic matter; well, perhaps in the era of the Scarlet Letter; in that the person in question is already spoken for. Thus the only honourable course of action is to do nothing, and not to engage in any activity or contact.

It does simplify matters, given that one is not exactly on good terms with the person. It is not that this type of thing has not happened before, but one did not expect to see this particular individual where one saw them

Thus, I have expunged the last remnant of humanity in me, and am now thoroughly pure and evil, beyond all hope of redemption:) Now that I know of this little chemical imbalance/emotion, I know how to defeat it!
I can assure all supporters of evil out there that this was a scintilla of an iota of a temporary aberration, and that one will never again be tempted by such things. Virtue and honour are intact.

My evil is also intact and vibrant. Went out stealing candy from babies this morning, followed by a trip to an nursing home for a good old game of "remove all the wheelchair ramps, brick up the exits and scream out 'Fire, Fire!', followed by a 155mm artillery round. Later, one will sit back and laugh at those jolly little people with the funny faces and the bells. What, jesters, you say? No. Lepers.:mwaha: :mwaha:

Thus, in conclusion, I remain in my monkish state, much the wiser for the experience. And, one remains bemused at best at the activities of the human race.
 
Re-calibration complete,

The old Simon has returned!

Hurrah!
 
Originally posted by Simon Darkshade
My evil is also intact and vibrant. Went out stealing candy from babies this morning, followed by a trip to an nursing home for a good old game of "remove all the wheelchair ramps, brick up the exits and scream out 'Fire, Fire!', followed by a 155mm artillery round. Later, one will sit back and laugh at those jolly little people with the funny faces and the bells. What, jesters, you say? No. Lepers.:mwaha: :mwaha:
better than sex:lol:
 
One is phoning The Vatican as we speak, dear Simon. One will pull out one's favours and find you the most secluded all-male religious colony the catholic church has. You have been allowed to remain amongst the general populace for far too long. :)
 
I have phoned the Vatican already,
and FearlessLeader2 said he can help!

Simon, do you want a black or sackcloth habit?

:lol:
 
Originally posted by Simon Darkshade

After finally getting some proper sleep (Damn Civfanatics! Damn the Internet!;)),

I've always wondered why Simon hasn't destroyed the entire human race yet;)

Guess its the duty of civ-fanatics to run forever, least Simon actually get proper sleep and formulate an extremely cunning plan.
 
Whoever said that one was a Catholic monk, or indeed associated with any specific denomination. When one uses the label monk, it refers to one's pure lifestyle and abstinence from rude stuff (the very thought of which sickens me) rather than living in a cell and chanting Kyrie Elesion six times a day. Although I have always admired the texture of the hessian undergarments ;)

Why haven't I destroyed the entire human race? Well, they still have their uses: performing competitive sports for one's entertainment, carrying stuff around the underground lair, etc, etc. Given that the only alternative race is Baldrick, I'll keep the homo sapiens for a little while longer..:lol:

As for rmsharpe's little contribution: WTF are ye talking about, boy?

My overall intention here was not to try and get advice on how to advance such a situation, but how to stop it. But, it turned out that simple use of one's snout network presented a solution. I do not like feeling like that, and would want to avoid it. Such sillyness is for that part of the population that takes perverse joy in mating and spawning.
No thank you. One wishes to avoid all such situations and chemical imbalances permanently. Without getting the chop:eek: ;)
One may be incurably evil by the standards of society, but one still has some code of honour, which forbids one being party to adulterous or unvirtuous behaviour of any description, among other items.
I'm quite happy being bitter, twisted and thoroughly repellent, and have no wish now or ever to alter that situation. Such deliberate choices for chastity and celibacy are what makes one evil when compared to the dominant social paradigm.

And now, if you will excuse me, I must be off to flog my pageboy:D
 
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