The Saber-Council War
(Start of World War)
The Place: The
Council Meeting Chamber (it's not a council chamber) of the Royal Saberine Sultanic Court in Baldric, the Capital of the Republic of Saber.
In attendance are the Royal Saberine Sultan, The Ministers of Finance, War, Domestic Welfare, Information, Diplomacy, Alcohol, Communication, The Senate, and a full gallery of esteemed Saberine Citizens.
Minister of War, Calis: Let the Proceedings begin. Is the Senate assembled?
Senator Elear: The Senate is assembled.
Calis: All rise.
Enter the Royal Saberine Sultan, Chamnix.
Chamnix: You may sit. Cyc, you have new business for the Grand Assembly?
Minister of Information, Cyc: Yes. I have very important information. A short time ago a famous
scientist from The Council came to our land. His name is Al Gouge and he wants to address the Grand Assembly directly.
Chamnix: We will listen to him.
Minister of Communication, Greekguy: Arent you the guy that invented the internet?
Senator Lost_Civantares: Whats the internet?
Senator Classical_hero: Isnt that just a bunch of tubes!
Calis: Order! Let him speak.
Al Gouge: Thank you. Let me try to explain why I am here today. I come to you not as a scientist but as a concerned citizen of our world, the one we all share.
Minister of Domestic Welfare, Denyd: (whispering) Sultan wake up, and nudge Marsden and Bartleby. This guy is easily the most boring speaker Ive heard, and Ive listened to Marsden's finance reports!
Minister of Alcohol, Bartleby: Oh, I was just thinking about the wine distribution.
Al Gouge: (continues unaware of previous conversation or anything other than his own agenda) The Council leadership is experimenting with fission powered rocket engines. They pose a terrible environmental hazard that could seriously damage our biosphere and wipe out whole species from our planet.
Minister of Diplomacy, Dutchfire: For what would they need fission powered rocket engines?
Al Gouge: They intend to create a huge spaceship and settle on another world, thus spreading the civilization of The Council to another world. A noble idea, but not at the cost of the environment of this one. Why the damage already done is terrible. Why, the indigenous population of the Ruby-throated, spotted, yellow-bellied butt sniffer has already been reduced by 2%!
Senator Gbno1fan: What is it that you require of us, then, Mr. Gouge?
Al Gouge: I was hoping you would support me in trying to convince my government about a more environmentally safe alternative, like a hybrid combination of wind and gerbil power.
Chamnix: Thank you, Mr. Gouge, you may leave now as I meet with my assembly.
Al Gouge looks as if he wants to speak for 8 more hours but then leaves.
Marsden:
That's 2 hours of my life I'm not getting back.
Senator Grey Beard: How can we hope to influence The Council in their experiments?
Senator Nobody: Perhaps we can send them a note.
Minister of Finance, Marsden: I dont think this is any of our business. Letem kill as many butt sniffers as they want. Stupid things are vermin, any way.
Chamnix: Quiet.
Marsden: Ulp. Yes your Royal Sultanic Majesty.
Cyc: There is more than that, I have reliable information that The Council is harboring the Babe government in exile.
Chamnix: How did you come by this information?
Cyc: General W told me.
Greekguy: Well, thats certainly inflammatory.
Calis: Inflammatory! Thats a slap in our face after millennia of cooperation and peace! We must do something!
Bartelby: Ill stop their wine shipment. That will get their attention.
Chamnix: No, agree to keep the trade in place but I will have dutchfire negotiate a new agreement with Free to buy your wines. This calls for stronger action.
Denyd: What do you have in mind?
Chamnix: As you know, most navy ships have a much better attacking ability than defending, so a coordinated strike could possibly destroy The Councils navy in one attack. Then all that would remain is to mop up the survivors. This would be the only way to ensure the safety of Saber from Councils bizarre experiments and back stabbing ways.
Marsden: Surely you arent suggesting we attack The Council without at least giving them fair warning?
Chamnix: I am! And dont call me Shirley! If they mean so damn much to you then why dont you write to them and explain it to them.
Marsden: What about dutchfire? Hes our Minister of Diplomacy!
Dutchfire: Dont bother me, Ive got finals.
Marsden: Oh.
Chamnix: Lets put it to a vote, Aye, its passed. The attack will begin as soon as we are ready. Marsden is officially in charge of writing the letter explaining the war and the attack and so on.
Calis: If there is no new business, this Assembly is adjourned.
Epilogue:
The Place: Marsden s Haunted Castle in the suburbs of Baldric.
Marsden: Id better get right on this, its important to treat the others with some respect, even if they are harboring the Babe government and adding to the length of time it takes to do everything. I really intend to do a good job on this, everyone is counting on me. Whats this, a Simpsons marathon?
Ten hours later: Uhh. What was I supposed to not forget to do? Take out the cat and feed the trash. Zzzzz.