In a passage first recited as an anecdote by the russian novelist Turgenev, to the french novelist (and his friend) Flaubert, later reproduced as part of a story by Guy De Maupassant, we read that Turgenev once had a very strange, and nightmarish, experience.
He was out bathing in the river, in his native country, and as he was getting ready to leave the water he felt something touching his shoulder. He turned to see what it was, only to be met by the most fearsome image of what appeared to be some kind of monster. A bloated, large head, eyes which appeared to look at different directions simultaneously, pink skin, and an overall anthropoid presence, but horribly distorted.
He later on found that it was the "mad woman" who was in the habit of bathing in that river, and she was chased away by his men. But the point of the story, as Turgenev stressed, was that for an instant, for all the time that appeared to prolong itself, while still being incapable of knowing what it was that was touching him, he felt a horrible emotion which could only be termed as terror.
Of course the sensible reader will also reflect on this little tale by placing himself in the position of the unfortunate woman, and feel sorry for her and her plight. But Turgenev's narration centered on the emotion of being alarmed by something you cannot caegorize as anything, at least anything you are familiar with.
*
Today i was at the hospital for some affair. There i saw a lot of people waiting. People with various malladies (i was at the opthalmological clinic), old but also young. Outside, in the small park, even more tired-looking, unfortunate, downtrodden people were to be seen.
However when i stepped inside the building i had to be in i saw a sight i had witnessed in the past as well.
In the past i had seen that person- for i know not if it is male or female- taking the bus. I was very sadenned at the time, since i still was of the habbit of projecting my emotions onto other people, by chance of their peculiar form. And this person was ill-fated enough to be quite distorted. Although i have once also seen a person with elephantitis, this was the second most severe case of somatic distortion i have come face to face with.
Naturally i did not look at that person anymore, and instead did the introverted thing, and tried to take advantage of this so as to rid myself of all projections onto others. For i reasoned that i could not know how that person felt. Surely that person's life was hard, but again what does this word mean? My life has been hard too, and maybe all people's lives have been hard, no matter what they look like.
So in the end i concluded that i privately hoped that the possible plight of that human being will be overturned perhaps, in some future life. Of course this was just a rapid move of exodus from miserable thoughts, but i really wanted it to be so. In fact, if there is no other life, i simply fail to see why there is no "why" to be asked in such cases. Since all people should be equal, but clearly are not, since all people should feel pleasant at times, but many do not, one might at least ask that all people be given the chance to lead a better life in the future.
I feel that many brush aside such sights. I recall giving small amounts of coins to people who were maimed, back in London. But i did not do this out of some kindness; i merely thought i knew how they felt, and in a way i was buying their continued burdening of themselves with my own negative emotions. Surely this was just an imaginary, and wrong, occupation of mine. But i needed to feel that something good can be done even in such a case, without just brushing aside the person with the plight.
I wanted to ask you how you react to such cases. Do you feel nothing about them? Do you ever wonder how life is for them?
Anyway, sorry for the gloomy note.
He was out bathing in the river, in his native country, and as he was getting ready to leave the water he felt something touching his shoulder. He turned to see what it was, only to be met by the most fearsome image of what appeared to be some kind of monster. A bloated, large head, eyes which appeared to look at different directions simultaneously, pink skin, and an overall anthropoid presence, but horribly distorted.
He later on found that it was the "mad woman" who was in the habit of bathing in that river, and she was chased away by his men. But the point of the story, as Turgenev stressed, was that for an instant, for all the time that appeared to prolong itself, while still being incapable of knowing what it was that was touching him, he felt a horrible emotion which could only be termed as terror.
Of course the sensible reader will also reflect on this little tale by placing himself in the position of the unfortunate woman, and feel sorry for her and her plight. But Turgenev's narration centered on the emotion of being alarmed by something you cannot caegorize as anything, at least anything you are familiar with.
*
Today i was at the hospital for some affair. There i saw a lot of people waiting. People with various malladies (i was at the opthalmological clinic), old but also young. Outside, in the small park, even more tired-looking, unfortunate, downtrodden people were to be seen.
However when i stepped inside the building i had to be in i saw a sight i had witnessed in the past as well.
In the past i had seen that person- for i know not if it is male or female- taking the bus. I was very sadenned at the time, since i still was of the habbit of projecting my emotions onto other people, by chance of their peculiar form. And this person was ill-fated enough to be quite distorted. Although i have once also seen a person with elephantitis, this was the second most severe case of somatic distortion i have come face to face with.
Naturally i did not look at that person anymore, and instead did the introverted thing, and tried to take advantage of this so as to rid myself of all projections onto others. For i reasoned that i could not know how that person felt. Surely that person's life was hard, but again what does this word mean? My life has been hard too, and maybe all people's lives have been hard, no matter what they look like.
So in the end i concluded that i privately hoped that the possible plight of that human being will be overturned perhaps, in some future life. Of course this was just a rapid move of exodus from miserable thoughts, but i really wanted it to be so. In fact, if there is no other life, i simply fail to see why there is no "why" to be asked in such cases. Since all people should be equal, but clearly are not, since all people should feel pleasant at times, but many do not, one might at least ask that all people be given the chance to lead a better life in the future.
I feel that many brush aside such sights. I recall giving small amounts of coins to people who were maimed, back in London. But i did not do this out of some kindness; i merely thought i knew how they felt, and in a way i was buying their continued burdening of themselves with my own negative emotions. Surely this was just an imaginary, and wrong, occupation of mine. But i needed to feel that something good can be done even in such a case, without just brushing aside the person with the plight.
I wanted to ask you how you react to such cases. Do you feel nothing about them? Do you ever wonder how life is for them?
Anyway, sorry for the gloomy note.
