The Conquest of Justinian II: Communist Mutants From Space

[Moai_Spammer]

helloooooo everyone, and welcome to yet another tale of Justinian's epic fails

before we start i would like to give a round of applause to the Atari 2600 game communist mutants from space, which is where the title of this story gets its name from.

anyhoo, shall we begin?
======================
Characters

Spoiler :

Justinian-Ruler of Byzantium
Hitler-Holy Roman Spy/Dictator of the Greater Byzantine Reich
Siddhartha-Hitchhiker who just wants to be in this story for lulz
Lenin-Russian Spy/ leader of the Proletarian Republic of the UBSR
Trotsky- Leader of the commie mutants from space
Mr.Random-Party Adviser
Constantinople-Awesomeness Adviser
Cfcoasters-Diplomatic Adviser
Noyyau-Military Adviser
Q-Science Adviser
Moai_Spammer-Narrator/Diety
Baseballpie-Swag Adviser
Tomorrow's Dawn-Head Scribe of the Celestial Bureaucracy
Luna-the emperor's steed
Maka-the emperors assistant

Let us begin!

---------------
Prologue:
Once upon a time on a planet far far away (called Earth 35 civs mod) there where 35 civilizations. One of these civilizations was called Byzantium, they were hipsters.
Due to the fact they were hipsters (and their over abundance of fried chicken), Captain Leon Trotsky of the Starship Chairman Meow from planet Internationale in the red star system(or just Sir Trotsky for short) decided to save these crazy hippy-stirs before their planet was destroyed in something called "The Splitting of Screens" in which their side of the universe was split in half from space and time.
He wasn't able to beam up all of these byzantines however, so about half of them were stuck on the planet.

Our tale begins on the SS Chairman Meow
--------------------------------------------------

Trotsky(over ship intercom): Hello byzantines, welcome to my humble spaceship
Justinian: Hey guys, did hitler accidentally give us the wrong mushrooms again?
Siddhartha: Nope, a group of communist mutants from space, or CMFS, have saved us from the destruction of our home, and are going to send us to a strange world called "Earth 1000AD"
Hitler:Is it NEIN light years away?
Trotsky(over intercom): Why yes it is, how did you know
Hitler: My nazi senses were tingling
Trotsky: *beams into room*
Trotsky:Welcome aboard my ship, Byzantines
Siddhartha: actually, im indian
Lenin:*beams in*
Lenin: We are about to beam onto planet "EARTH 1000 AD SCENARIO",
in the "PLAY A SCENARIO" star system of the galaxy "SID MEIER'S CIVILIZATION 4"
Mr.random: Should i throw a party?
*WHOOOOOSH*
The Byzantines then found themselves in the city of Constantinople, ruled by the emperor cfcoasters and premier Constantinople. They locals took them to be angels and sent them to the place. The emperor and premier recognized their old friends almost immediately. It was obvious they were on a long journey, and that a longer one was a bout to begin....

It's time to build an empire to stand the test of time...

 

[mrrandomplayer]

Party!!!

 

[baseballpie]

I get left out. Again.

 

[Noyyau]

This promises to be insane

 

[CFCoasters]

The Byzantines then found themselves in the city of Constantinople, ruled by the emperor cfcoasters

I'm the emperor? Awesome!

and premier Constantinople

But why am I sharing power with a city?

 

[Moai_Spammer]

I get left out. Again.

your gonna be in the next chapter, silly

also, i updated the character list

 

[Moai_Spammer]

Welcome everyone to another update of our tale of misshapen proportions

Characters

Spoiler :

Justinian-Ruler of Byzantium
Hitler-Holy Roman Spy/Dictator of the Greater Byzantine Reich
Siddhartha-Hitchhiker who just wants to be in this story for lulz
Lenin-Russian Spy/ leader of the Proletarian Republic of the UBSR
Trotsky- Leader of the commie mutants from space
Mr.Random-Party Adviser
Constantinople-Awesomeness Adviser
Cfcoasters-Diplomatic Adviser
Noyyau-Military Adviser
Q-Science Adviser
Moai_Spammer-Narrator/Diety
Baseballpie-Swag Adviser
Tomorrow's Dawn-Head Scribe of the Celestial Bureaucracy
Luna-the emperor's steed
Maka-the emperors assistant
Gandalf Gaddafi: Head General

when we left of, the Byzantines were picked up by communist space mutants and beamed onto a new planet, Earth 1000 AD, where they actually might succeed at something. Or die. Who knows !anyhoo, lets get started
=====================================================
After the group of byzantines from the other stories were teleported to the byzantine capital of this story(inception?IKR), They took over the empire, not because cfcoasters was a bad emperor, but because Justinian found out he was ticklish, and forced cfcoasters to make him the emperor.

Justinian: My first decree as emperor, Capture visegrad!
Baseballpie: And do so with swag!
Constantinople: and make sure it'll be awesome too!
Mr.Random: And make sure you win because i really want to throw a party!
Noyyau- and try not to lose any units, i mean, cataphracts are pretty certain to beat swordsman

Mr.random: PARTY!!!!
Noyyau: who angered the rng gods!
Hitler: That was me
Everyone but Hitler: I TOLD YOU THAT YOU SHOULD SHAVE YOUR MUSTACHE!
Justinian: ENOUGH!
Justinian: My assistant has an announcement to make
Maka: There's an election being held, so try and pretend that you want justinian to be the new pope, kk?
Everyone: ok

Noyyau: Sir... i have bad news....
Justinian: Yes Noyyau?
Noyyau: The English have captured Jerusalem...
Justinian: OHNOTHEYDIDNTDOWDOWDOWENGLANDGONNADIESCREWALLTHOSEDIRTYBRITSWARGERMONGMONGGERWAR

Justinian's face upon hearing of this news

Spoiler :

Meanwhile in Egypt...

Gandalf Gaddafi: Dear Diary, today i took the city of Cairo, it had lots of really cool wonders in it. Maybe Justinian will give me a raise, i should ask him about that...
HEY LOOK A TELEPHONE!
*calls Justinian*
Justinian: Hello?
GG: hey mr. emperor, can i have a raise?
*silence*
Justinian: DID YOU SAY A RAISE!?!?!?!11?!!!

Spoiler :

GG: It doesn't have to be in money, i like food too...
Justinian: Well, i was in the middle of eating a box of french fries... you can have the last... er seven i guess? i never learned how to count :3
GG:YAY!!!

Noyyau: Sir, you should really get out more
Constaninople: Yeah, it might help the nation think that your awesome
Baseballpie: and swaggin!
Mr.random: and i need someone to get me some party supplies.
Justinian: Ok... fine. I just need some armor for my loyal steed, Luna
Maka: Can i join you sir?
Justinian: Eh...ya know what sure.
Maka:

Meanwhile in the break room...

Hitler: Hey guys
Q, Lenin, Trotsky, and Siddhartha: yes dolfy?
Hitler: we should over throw justinian and that narrator of his, he never gives us any lines
Everyone: YEAH!
TD(inside of air-vent above the break room): *jots down stuff quickly* the emperor will need to learn of this treachery!

and so it began...

 

[Noyyau]

Fantastic!

 

[GreekAnalyzer]

*whistles*

 

[Moai_Spammer]

you are now adviser of all things that whistle
or you can be the adviser of Greek Analyzing
or both

 

[CFCoasters]

Well my time as emperor was short-lived, wasn't it? Stupid ticklish spot...

 

[GreekAnalyzer]

Greek Analyzing. Since the Byzzies are Greek, all analyzing they do is my domain.

 

[baseballpie]

Greek: There are 99.7% odds on winning this battle.
*pikeman dies*
Greek:

 

[GreekAnalyzer]

Greek: There are 99.7% odds on winning this battle.
*pikeman dies*
Greek: :suicide:

Fixed that for ya.

 

[constantinople]

I'm the Awesomeness adviser? I don't even remember signing up.
I guess I am awesome!
(Subbed)

 

[GreekAnalyzer]

I'm the Awesomeness adviser? I don't even remember signing up.
I guess I am awesome!
(Subbed)

I have some bad news for you.
JK

 

[CFCoasters]

Greek: There are 99.7% odds on winning this battle.
*pikeman dies*
Greek:

Sometimes, I truly believe that in order to find the human's true odds of winning a battle, simply take the number the game gives you and divide it by half. So in reality, that pikeman had, at best, a 50% chance of winning.

 

[Moai_Spammer]

tis true, the rng god works in mysterious, evil ways

edit: i may update tonight

 

[Noyyau]

Sometimes, I truly believe that in order to find the human's true odds of winning a battle, simply take the number the game gives you and divide it by half. So in reality, that pikeman had, at best, a 50% chance of winning.

tis true, the rng god works in mysterious, evil ways

edit: i may update tonight

That is so true.

Evil, evil, evil RNGod.

 

[Moai_Spammer]

Welcome back to a tale of noncomprohendable craziness

(also, i have transformed this into a narrative, let's just say the other updates were a sorta prologue thing, so ya...)

Characters:

Spoiler :

Justinian-Ruler of Byzantium
Hitler-Holy Roman Spy/Dictator of the Greater Byzantine Reich
Siddhartha-Hitchhiker who just wants to be in this story for lulz
Lenin-Russian Spy/ leader of the Proletarian Republic of the UBSR
Trotsky- Leader of the commie mutants from space
Mr.Random-Party Adviser
Constantinople-Awesomeness Adviser
Cfcoasters-Diplomatic Adviser
Noyyau-Military Adviser
Q-Science Adviser
Moai_Spammer-Narrator/Diety
Baseballpie-Swag Adviser
Tomorrow's Dawn-Head Scribe of the Celestial Bureaucracy
Luna-the emperor's steed
Maka-the emperors assistant
Gandalf Gaddafi: Head General
Greekanalyzer: Advisory of Greek analyzing

==============================================

Justinian was halted at outside of Trebonzid by the a strange, garbed man.
"Halt," the man called out "I have distressing news my lord."
"What is, I'm a busy man." Justinian said, with a tone of annoyance in his voice.
"First allow me to introduce myself, i am tomorrow's dawn, head scribe of the celestial bureaucracy."
"Well met dawn, now what do you want!"
Tomorrow's Dawn cleared his voice before continuing,"I would like to inform you that a group of your advisers are planning a revolution."
"Is that all?"
"Yes, my lord."
"Then i must be on my way, i heard the troops are approaching Baghdad, i must get there in time to plan the attack."
Justinian continued to ride on, not noticing Maka slip away at the last moment.
"tell me, Mr.Dawn," Maka asked "what is the name of the leader of this rebellion?"
"Adolf Hitler, m'lady"
"Hitler eh, well, good day fine s-"
In a flash of light, maka was gone.
"So Hitler," Maka exclaimed as she realized she was in the Emperor's palace with the madman "You wanna fight, well, i should let you know that i bite."
"How cute" the Nazi said coldly "You better hope you don't end up like millions of others"

The sound of hooves touching smooth cobblestone filled the air with a clack-clack sound, as the army stormed through the streets of Baghdad. Justinian had made it just in time to lead the attack on the city. "Noyyau, what's the plan" he asked.
"We're going to lead main strike down the center of the city, while a few divisions flank around the sides, we plan to take the center by tonight."
"Very well, meet you in the center"
"yes, your greatness"
Justinain adorned his battle helmet as he charged forward on his most loyal steed.
"FOR BYZANTIUM!!!" he exclaimed in a loud warcry.
---------------------------------------------------
The battle was a complete success. the city was taken with only 20 lives lost, and 35 wounded.
Them emperor proudly sat himself onto the thrown at the city's palace.
"Oh Alexander," he said aloud to himself " If only you could see the empire im about to create for Greece..."
-----------------------------
"Shall we begin?" Maka asked in a determined voice.
Hitler smirked as he snapped his fingers an appeared in full body armor. The armor gleamed black and silver, and had a helm with a long iron cross going down it to see out of. His shield was emblazoned red with a large, black swastika in a white circle.
His sword was 2 1/2 feet long, the hilt was made of gold and contained the words "Work will make you free" in German on it.
Maka reached out her hand, and a scythe formed out of thine air. She grabbed it and whispered to it "You ready to go, soul?"
"I always am, maka." the scythe responded.

Spoiler :

Maka and her scythe:

Maka lunged at hitler, and sliced him down the center.
The insane dictator laughed evilly, before saying "You fool, if you want to even scratch me, your going to need more than that little scythe."
Maka launched herself once more, this time Hitler caught the handle of her scythe while she was still in midair.
"What are you!" Maka cried out in frustration.
An unearthly voice said from the heavens:
I am a fuhrer
I am a god
I am a Kishin
I am something beyond the comprehension of any creature before or to come
Maka looked on in horror as the new emperor flung her out the window, into the Bosporus strait.
"I now proclaim the creation," Hitler exclaimed loud enough for the whole empire to hear him," Of the Third Reich, all must now bow before your new leader."

and thus the torch of freedom was lost...