The lamest jokes you can think of....... II

[Uncle Sparky]

A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection.
The judge asks, "First offender?"
She says, "No, first a Gibson, then a Fender!"

 

[Uncle Sparky]

How do locomotives know where they're going?
Lot's of training.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

After 10 years of working as a editor on the Oxford Dictionary, my employer asked me to define 'plethora'. It means a lot.

 

[Arakhor]

How do you pronounce scone? Easily - when you have one, it's scoane; when you haven't, it's scon.

 

[Ferocitus]

John Cooper Clarke's Haiku.

To convey one's mood
In seventeen syllables
is very diffic

 

[Ferocitus]

If Canadians take over the whole world, we'll all be sorry.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

Kids today don't know how easy they have it. When I was a kid, I had to walk through 9 feet of shag carpet to change the TV channel.

 

[Ferocitus]

My family laughed when I told them I was going to become an internet comedian.
Well, they're not laughing now.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

 

[Uncle Sparky]

No matter how kind you are, German children are kinder.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

It might be a misheard lyric, but I'm fairly sure some of the Washington protesters were singing, "We shall overcomb, We shall overcomb. We shall overcomb some day. Oh, deep in my heart, I do believe. We shall overcomb some day..."

 

[Ferocitus]

It might be a misheard lyric, but I'm fairly sure some of the Washington protesters were singing, "We shall overcomb, We shall overcomb. We shall overcomb some day. Oh, deep in my heart, I do believe. We shall overcomb some day..."

Not misheard. That's what they were singing. Several placards had the same phrase.

Ob. joke:
BALDERDASH (n.) a rapidly receding hairline.

 

[Ferocitus]

Q: How do you catch a polar bear?
A: You make a hole in the ice and line it with peas. When the bear goes in to take a pea, you kick it in the ice hole.

 

[shadowplay]

The great thing about having sex with a horse is you know you're going to have a ride home.

 

[Ferocitus]

The great thing about having sex with a horse is you know you're going to have a ride home.

Some people will do anything for a buck.

 

[Fr8monkey]

I'm going to get a 3D printer so I can print prosthetic limbs for children... Now I can be a small arms dealer!

 

[Arakhor]

That hasn't appeared anywhere else on CFC today, has it?

 

[Uncle Sparky]

Apparently one of Trump's most important White House staff is named Kyle... that's why his staff keep pointing and saying, "See Kyle!"

 

[Arakhor]

I don't get that.

 

[W|M]

''See Kyle'' sounds like ''Sieg Heil''