The legendary Pass the Stick

[duke o' york]

..... loveable cockerney barrow boy stood by the wayside merrily singing. [No! I promised no more musical segues ] As he trilled away to some pleasant tune that the heroes were unable to identify, their attention was brought back to their situation by the sight of a man running in their direction with a message. He....


Don't worry Balrog - there's nothing personal, I'm only trying to make some cheap jokes here.
Just like I wasn't trying to insult Ohwell when I said that the top title for postcount would be Lord of Spammers. It seemed too funny to let go. He since changed his title (oops), but I hope he hasn't taken offence.

 

[Sixchan]

Got closer, and then they saw he was a cow in disguise with a giant halberd! The cow charged shouting "Moo moo. Moo-moo-moo-moo-moo moo, moo, moo." In cow that means...

 

[Apollo]

..."Look out behind you!" but of course our heroes couldn't understand it, so they...

 

[Simon Darkshade]

...quickly killed and spit roasted the cow messenger on his own halberd, and danced around the fire in an outburst of joyful bloodlust, singing the old standby "She was only the Milkman's Daughter, but she knew an awful lot about Fish". In the midst of this cavorting and Morris dancing, Spitman caught a glimpse of what was behind them. There, in all its profane glory was the famous space slug sage, Bill Gates. And he said unto them: "....

 

[duke o' york]

....Hear ye, hear ye o hairies - mark ye well the pronunication of thy supreme saggy sluggy sage Bill Gates and henceforth desist from feasting upon the flesh of my divinely blessed spacecows and indeed all of the herds I hath created for rumination purposes upon this earth. Indeed for thy thoughtlessness I bring upon thy heads a sentence of vegetarianism!" With that the holy space slug disappeared into the ether and the musclebound lunkheads we have as heroes in this story gasped in disbelief: "....

 

[Sixchan]

...Uhh, who was that?"
"How the Hell should I know? Mmm. More cow?"
Bill Gates appeared once again in the sky.
"Wh-what did I just tell you?" Said Bill.
"Uh...Uh. Uh. Eat the cow?" Said Steven.
"Why do I bother?" said Bill as he disappeared.
Full up, the heroes resumed their Quest to destroy the Spacecows, which they had heard lived in a land called...

 

[Globber]

...............adoshsfofaoffsofuiuteiry................

 

[Apollo]

which as everyone knows is just north of Yonkers.

 

[duke o' york]

.....In their search for the fabled land of adoshsfofaoffsofuiuteiry, our heroes consulted the geographical section of their local library, as any good boy scout would. Unfortunately for them, all the charts, even the astrological ones, proved of no help, and they were reduced to sitting on the steps outside bemoaning their fate when Steven Seagull ........

 

[Sixchan]

...remembered the other name for it. The Moo-Moo farm. With this knowledge, they set off again in its direction. But when thay got to Yonkers...

 

[.:KNAS:.]

they were ambushed by a squadron of US navy COWS that....

 

[The Balrog]

...did'nt like getting called stuff because that all of them had, had a very traumatic childhood and the where very.....

 

[andycapp]

The Navy Cows charged our heros yelling their famous warcry "no bull!" [they were the Lesbian squadron]

It was obvious, even to our heros, that things were going bonkers in Yonkers and it was time to move on, but how to evade these damn cows?

 

[Sixchan]

By running! As they did so, one of the things they happened to see was some plonkers acting bonkers, playing honkers and conkers in Yonkers! All of this rhyming made the narrator forget they were being chased, and now they were standing on the edge of The Moo-Moo Farm, where the Cow King, Spacecow lived. When they stepped though the portal leading to the land of cows, they saw a horde of cows with halberd chasing up to them to...

 

[.:KNAS:.]

the dreaded dreadlock rastafarian border. they were known for their pollution of the atmosphere with the only substance the cows could be killed by, namingly.......

 

[Simon Darkshade]

...the liquified essence of Carribean music, kept in a chalice by the famous West Indian fast bowling allrounder, Richie Calypso. "Eh mon, you fellows just rally round de West Indies over ere, mon, and I get rid of de cows for ya faster than ya can say 'Jamaica, we have a bobsled team'!" And it was so, and the trio were so amazed at the easy manner in which Richie Calypso destroyed the horde of halberdier cows that they invited him to join them on their neverending quest for truth, righteousness and rum. He concurred, and shouldering his cricket bat and steel drums, they hit the road, which gasped in shock, and promptly...

 

[Apollo]

...rolled up with our heroes inside like a giant burrito! This scrumptious snack couldn't be passed up by a journeying...

 

[duke o' york]

... legend of Yorkshire pace bowling, and Fred Titmus duly obliged, devouring our now Jonahesque heroes in one gulp as if they were one of Mrs Miggins' finest pies doused in mushy peas the old Barnsley way.
Just managing to keep their heads above Mr Titmus' gastric juices, the heroes were in a tight spot indeed. It seemed that nothing beyond emergency surgery could rescue them from the innards of this giant of Headingley but they were not lost yet. Shouting over the sound of steel drums, il divino Seagull had an idea: "Listen to this lads, ........

 

[andycapp]

..........."my plan will win the day, get Mrs Miggens on the cell phone and ask her to bring some of her famous pies here pronto!"

"Howzat? Asked the lads.

Seagull replied, "Freddy will be so eager to get the pies he'll probably bowl the maiden over and that's how we get out."

"Well, I'm stumped" said one of the lads, "what if we get caught out?"

"Not a chance, Freddy will go googly eyes over those pies!" said Seagull.

Seagull rang Mrs Miggens on the cell phone and with a look of disbelief turned to the lads and said, "Mrs Miggens' pies, she's run out!"

"What'll we do?"

 

[Simon Darkshade]

"Wait a minute," exclaimed Spitman "I have a cunning plan."
So Hakan Sukur, Steven Seagal and Richie Calypso gathered round him as best they could inside a Yorkshiremans stomach and heard him elaborate on his scheme in hushed tones. They agreed that it seemed to be the only way out.
Fred Titmus heard his mobile phone ringing, and answered it with a monosyllabic grunt, wondering how he'd ended up with this bit of new fangled rooobish. 'Twas probably Boycott, he thought.
"Mr. Titmus, this the secretary of the Lancashire Cricket Club."
"What the 'ell do you foookin' want?"
"We'd like to award you an honourary life membership for your services to Lancastrian cricket."
This was to much for Titmus, who promptly was sick in a most violent manner, propelling the heros some miles away to...