The legendary Pass the Stick

[duke o' york]

... a strange uncharted territory, which, like the civfanatics forums, was completely unaware of most things cricket. Gazing around this new Eden they were amazed to see Ali Boucher peeking out from behind a lemon tree and then ducking back when he thought he had been spotted. Going over to investigate, and perhaps enquire the location of the nearest square for a little practice, when they approached the estimable gentleman he suddenly ...........

 

[Sixchan]

...ran away into a large cave with a massive metal door saying

ThiS BE da CAv OV DA BalRog!!
U No COM iN!!!
Me CRush oo Wif BIg hAMMah!!!!
oo Go sPlaT!!!!!

There was a loud splat.

Our heros decided to...

 

[duke o' york]

.... continue the story and pay blatant disregard to the rules stating that "No man can have two posts without two in between" because no-one else had posted for days. But Ali Boucher had reason to query this rule: "Surely it would be better to have two posts with only one in between, and perhaps some smaller posts balanced atop these...", tailing off as he considered rushing down to the patent office and claiming this idea as his own. El Seagull swatted him with the back of his hand in a fair approximation of a bat-less cover drive and thus reduced him to silence. They were amazed that the chairman of the South African cricket selection board was able to gain such a rich and grammatically perfect vocabulary after such a short time, particularly given the state of his vocal prowess before their meeting and decided that this was a man they needed on board in their quest. But how to free him from the cave he had managed to lock himself inside? Their only hope seemed to be to ......

 

[andycapp]

.............lay hands on some TNT and BLAST Ali out of the cave which out heros promptly did.

Ali was not exactly over the moon about being the first South African in space, but he soon came back to earth with a thud only.

"Thanks for breaking me out guys" said Ali. It was only then that he noticed the new addition to our band of heros. He recognised the ugly face of.............

 

[Simon Darkshade]

...himself in a convenient mirror. He lamented his ugly visage, and begged for aid.
They did the only thing they could. They made a distress call to the one heroic demigod who could possibly aid them in such a dire predicament.
The call went out to a tall, strapping cricketing hero. A slayer of kings, demons, dragons and spin bowlers.
The deity of Worcestershire's top order - St. Graeme Hick.
The little band prostrated themselves on the ground, and gave voice to loud entreaties unto the wild impartial skies. Nothing seemed to happen for a while, and then there was a tremendous peal of thunder, and blue lightning rent the earth into chasms and crevasses in several locations.
The clouds rushed towards one another as the winds grew into an apocalyptic intensity. The clouds opened to reveal an immense light the streamed down and dazzled the awed party of wanderers.
Then, to a chorus of cherubim, seraphim and angelic choirs, Hick came striding down a rainbow bridge in his most ultimate majesty, and all could see it was so. He strode slowly towards them, and flowers grew up from every footstep.
He reached Ali, headbutted him, and when he leaned back, Ali now had the face of Jonty Rhodes. Ali immediately threw himself at Hick's feet, emitting loud hosannas of praise.
Hick turned slowly towards the others, and pronounced in the awesome voice of the thunderstorm "Your faith has been rewarded, and shall be again. I will always be with you, until the end of time."
With that, he ascended back to the heavens.
Spitman turned to Hakan Sukur and Steven Seagal, and exclaimed..."

 

[duke o' york]

...."Your appeal for bad light has been allowed. The light meter on the pavilion only shows three lights, but given the approaching storm clouds directly to your left then we will adjourn the game mid-over and continue when things have cleared up. Pint anyone?" And so it was that our motley band of sporting and movie stars found themselves embroiled on one of the finest pubcrawls in the Winchester area that remains in human memory. Although Hakan Sukur was repeatedly thrashed at bar skittles by the Ali Jonty Boucher Rhodes, as he insisted on calling himself, he was able to make amends at the pool table and at the oche. This display of dartly brilliance drew the attention of someone who had previously been sitting in the shadows by the hearth. David Boon rose from his armchair and slurred a challenge to Hakan, "....

 

[Apollo]

...slurred a challenge to Hakan, in the words of Tommy, "See me, feel me, touch me, heal me," which Hakan promptly did. David Boon then thanked him and went on his way. Next the heroes...

 

[Headline]

...............die immediatly and never return to the Forum. Meanwhile, George Bush is eating some pretzel and is returning to the white house with Hilary Clinton discussing the issue of Alien intrusion, which is a conspiracy of Osama Bin Laden, who is playing Counter Strike now and was shot to death by CTs. George Bush say........

 

[duke o' york]

...."I Tarzan and I got little grasp of grammar", flummoxing the assembled press corps. As the flashbulbs irradiated the evening skyline, Mr W Bush took a final question, already thinking of how much he was looking forward to the forthcoming one day series and whether the Indian pacemen could live up to their reputation. "You man", he said, gesturing to an unshaven bewigged gentleman in the second row of seats. "I've got a mutual protection pact with the Iroquois and have been trading dyes for incense with them, but have just discovered that I have no saltpetre in my borders and they do. What do you reckon my chances of a trade are?" A bewildered President hummed and hawed before muttering what sounded like "Ashkippo" and pointing to another unshaven bewigged gentleman in the front row. "I'm Graham Gooch, ex first-class batsman, England captain and currently a rug model and I'd like to know what the United States plans to do about the scurrilous accusations that the hair replacements so well promoted by my good self have led to people looking ridiculous. What are your plans regarding the current syrup situation, and how will you assist me in gaining retribution?" With that he stood down and gazed expectantly at the President. Having taken a swig from his Glenfiddich, that he kept on hand to iron out any grammatical wrinkles in his speech, albeit giving him a slight slurring problem, the President cleared his throat and addressed the waiting masses: "I, erm, um, .......

 

[Simon Darkshade]

"...Just bear with me people, I'll check my teleprompter." He looked up to find his next words were scheduled to be 'resign the Presidency effective at noon tomorrow.' and Dick Cheney was standing next to it grinning. "Um, that will be all for now, thank you."
George scurried back to his office, wondering what he could do to stop Dick continually trying to stage a coup. This was the third today, and it wasn't even time for his playlunch. There was only one thing for it: He had to call the secret number that Dad had left him in case something went wrong.
He tentatively punched in the numbers, and waited as a seemingly eternal series of clicks ensued.
"Hello, Darkshade Evil Empire Communications Office, can I help you?"
George could not contain himself, and tearily bawled his problem to the sympathetic receptionist.
"The Boss is in a conference with St Graeme Hick at the moment, but I can authorize the deployment of some heroes. "
"Are they good at this type of thing?"
"They took down Chuck Norris."
"Send 'em over"
So it was that Steven Seagal, Hakan Sukur, Spitman and Ali Jonty Boucher Rhodes strode into the Oval Office half a heartbeat later. They comforted George, and upon considering the problem, decided that this could not be the actions of merely Dick Cheney. This pointed at a far more evil entity - Tom Cruise
"Mr. President, don't worry," exclaimed Spitman "The way we'll get Mr Cruise is to...

 

[Sixchan]

...Force him to tell us about his new movie!"
With absolutely no problems at all (after all, can capturing Tom Cruise be harder than killing cows with halberds?), they tied him up. Unfortunately, the plot was the same as every other movie he did. He is Bill Clinton. One day, he can't run the US as well as he could before. He has a crisis of confidence, and needs a lovely lady to make him good at it again.
The heroes now had to find the tape and destoy it to stop the plan, so they...

 

[Headline]

..............return from the hell but was kiddnaped once they arrived in a Cinama. They watch the movie Vanilla Sky and eat the vanilla ice creams. In the movie, Tom Cruise says "Told you heros not to come back to The Forum, Lakers aren't playing in here anymore." The heros feel sorry, so they decided to kidnap George Bush to force him in a Mutual Pact Protection against Dark Vader, who ignores the law, which says not to post after two other people have already posted. However, Dark Vader is forcing the Klingon to eat Vegetables instead of worms. This prove to be...............

 

[Apollo]

...A plot by Dubya, as can be recognized by the poor grammar and incongruous statements. Dubya was trying to get revenge on his father for being overprotective and treating him like a child. Bush decided that just because he was "special" didn't mean that his father had to treat him differently, so he turned the table on our heroes and...

 

[Ohwell]

Originally posted by duke o' york
Just like I wasn't trying to insult Ohwell when I said that the top title for postcount would be Lord of Spammers. It seemed too funny to let go. He since changed his title (oops), but I hope he hasn't taken offence.

What are you talking about???

... Sent his great legions of football fans into the planning center of our heroes! When they reached the house they f realized they had forgotten their crayons, which allowed them...

 

[Headline]

.............to fu*k George Bush's Apollo Printer. This shows that the game sucks and so is the Apollo Printer, which can't print well and is murmuring in its own world. Then again, the heros died. And the story is almost coming to an end as the Apollo Printer collapse into it's..................................

 

[andycapp]

.................own nothingness. Where upon Dubaya stood in utter amazement as our heros reappeared after a miraculous ressurrection singing "beach baby, beach baby there on the sand, etc, etc" and performing a cute soft shoe routine to a standing ovation from the assembled media.

Colin Powell stepped forward and said "Mr President I recommend you award these heros with..............................

 

[Simon Darkshade]

...the Brass Razzoo for unquestionable valour, and survival in the face of some hijackers who wish to kill them off every 5 seconds. Besides, sir, no one has danced that well here since 1812!
So with great ceremony the decorations were pinned on the four heros, and they were additionally given $956.03 each as a token of gratitude from a grateful nation. Following this, they strode off down Pennsylvania Avenue to the dulcet tones of the theme of a spaghetti Western, towards their next goal:...

 

[duke o' york]

... Bulgar's mithril amulet of strength.
Unfortunately, Maceys had run out of stock for this particular magic item and so the heroes had to look further afield. In Walmart to be exact. As they crept along the threatening aisles of the DIY hardware section, aware that any second a small infant could charge at them brandishing rawlplugs, Spitman heard a droning sound. They moved closer to the source of the hum and as they rounded the corner of the aisle, almost taking the trolley onto two wheels, such was their excitement, they were confronted with.......

 

[Sixchan]

...A normal guy humming the 'Smoke on the Water' guitar riff! Dissapointed, they comtinued through the deppest recesses of the home appliances section. There, they found a magical doorway that no-one else could see. Stepping through, they found themselves in a castle decorated with...

 

[Apollo]

...portraits of Bill Clinton wearing women's lingerie while dancing with Monica Lewinsky. Upon viewing this ghastly sight Hakan Sukur fainted, and the other three suddenly had serious stomach distress. Steven Seagull picked up the limp Hakan Sukur, and the heroes made a break for it to the nearest door, not noticing the handwriting on the wall which read: Wonderful Spam.