The Yo mamma jokes...

[Aphex_Twin]

Bring them on !

Yo mamma's so fat, yo mamma's so short, yo mamma's so old... can't get enough of that


I'll start with one from Chris Rock:



Yo mamma's so ugly, when she was born, the doctors slapped her parents !

 

[WillJ]

Yo momma so stupid, she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing out the W's!

Yo momma so old, scientists just discovered her as a missing evolutionary link!

Yo momma so stupid, she thought a quarterback was a refund!

Yo momma so fat... She... She... She's just fat!

Yo momma so ugly, growing up she saved $350 total in Halloween costumes!

Yo momma so old, her age is twice her IQ! No, wait a sec, that'd only make her 40...

 

[G-Man]

We had such a thread not too long ago, but I can't find it... Anyway one that a friend of mine told me:

Yo momma so fat she broke the stairway to heaven!

 

[brandonbowler]

Originally posted by G-Man
We had such a thread not too long ago, but I can't find it... Anyway one that a friend of mine told me:

Yo momma so fat she broke the stairway to heaven!

Yo momma is so fat, she walked in front of the tv and i missed 3 episodes!

Yo momma is so fat her picture fell off the wall!

Yo momma is so fat, when we were wrestling, i rolled over twice and i was still on top of her! (from nutty professor straightened up

Yo momma is so fat, ...she could be considered fat!

Yo momma is so fat, she saw a bus and yeld stop that twinkie!!!

Yo momma is so fat, when she walks down the street everyody yells godzilla!!!

Yo momma is so fat, when she was getting weighed the machine said one at a time please!

Yo momma is so fat, when she got weighed again, the number was her phone number!

Thank you, Thank you.

 

[G-Force Junkie]

Yo momma is so ugly, she was arrested when she looked out the window at a police officer!

 

[puglover]

Yo momma's so fat, the doctors diagnosed her with a flesh-eating virus and gave her 15 years to live.

Yo momma's so fat when she steps on a scale it says, "to be continued"

Yo momma's so fat when she steps on a scale it says, "no livestock please"

 

[Japanrocks12]

Your mammas so stupid, that she married while enrolling in the Vestal Virgins!
Your mamma's so short she poses for trophies!
If money was food, and your mamma fat, Bill Gates would be bankrupt!

 

[onejayhawk]

Your momma so fat she goes to the beach, and rents out shade.

Your momma so fat she went to the movies and sat next to ... everybody.

Your momma so fat she buys clothes from Coleman.

Your momma so fat the theatre tried to borrowed her shorts when their screen ripped.

Your momma so fat here footsteps set off seismic alarms at the University.

Your momma so fat Hershey's offered to buy her an appreciation barn.

Your momma so fat she gets her female pads from Serta.

J

 

[Japanrocks12]

Your mamma's so stupid that she starved in a grocery store
Your mamma's so fat that the whales sang "we are family"
Your mamma's so fat that when the waiter gave her the menu in the restaurant, she said "Thank You"

 

[Bacon King]

Yo mama's so fat, that when she sits around the house, she sits *AROUND* the house.

 

[The Sims]

Yo mama's so fat that her shadow weighs 42 pounds

 

[Smaasnekje]

our mama's so hairy, Bigfoot takes pictures of her!
your mama's so hairy, when you came out, you got rugburn.
your mama's so hairy, she shaves with a weedwacker.
your mama's so hairy, when she asked for a trim at the beauty salon, the stylist opened up her shirt.
your mama's so hairy, she's got afros on her nipples.
your mama's so hairy, she's got a gotee growin' around her belly button.
your mama's so slutty, she could suck-start a Harley.
your mama's so slutty, she held a "Hands Across My Ass" charity drive.
your mama's so slutty, when she heard Santa Claus say, "HO, HO, HO!", she brought two of her friends.
your mama's so slutty, I could have been your daddy, but the guy in line behind me had the correct change.
your mama's so slutty, her vibrator runs off a DieHard battery.
your mama's so slutty, I don't need a mama, me and my daddy just use yours.
your mama's so slutty, I had to park my dick on her ass and wait an hour to get in.
your mama's teeth so yellow, I Can't Believe It's Not Butter.
your mama's teeth so yellow, traffic slows down when she smiles.
your mama's teeth so yellow, she'd put the sun out of business.
your mama's teeth so yellow, you never needed a crayon to color the sun.
your mama's teeth so yellow, when she smiles, people start singing, "I got sunshine, on a cloudy day...".
your mama's nose so big, you can go bowling with her boogers.
your mama's nosehairs so long, she can have them braided.
your mama's armpits so hairy, she looks like she got Buckwheat in a headlock.
your mama's so bald, you can see what's on her mind.
your mama's so bald, she looks like an overgrown testicle.
your mama's feet so big, they need license plates.
your mama's house so small, you ordered a large pizza and had to eat it outside.
your mama's house so small, I threw a rock through your window and it hit everybody.
your mama's house so dirty, I have to wipe my feet before I go outside.
your mama's house must be made of toilet paper -- cause your whole family's full of ****.
your mama's so nasty, she had to cut the strings from her tampons to stop her crabs from bungee jumping.
your mama's so stink, she has to creep up on bathwater.
your mama's so stink, she sweats Black Flag.
your mama's ears so big, she can't hold cigarettes behind them.
your mama's ears so big, she gets satellite reception.
your mama's teeth so bad, her dentures' got cavities.
your mama's breath so bad, when she yawns, her teeth yell, "DUCK!"
your mama's breath so bad, when she stuck out her tougue, it was on a stretcher.
your mama's breath so bad, her gums went on strike.
your mama's lips so big, Chapstick had to invent a spray.
your mama's so skinny, her nipples touch.
your mama's so skinny, if she had a big toe, she'd look like a golf club.
your mama's so skinny, she can peep through the keyhole with both eyes.
your mama's twice the man you are.
your mama's strong ... then again, smell ain't everything.
your mama's arms so short, she has to tilt her head to scratch her ear.
your mama's missing a finger and can't count past nine.
your mama's in a wheelchair, screaming, "I AIN'T STANDING FOR THIS!"
your mama's only got one leg and telling everyone to get off on the right foot.
your mama's got a head so small, she uses a teabag for a pillow.
your mama's got one leg shorter than the other and they call her Hip-Hop.
your mama's got one leg and a bicycle.
your mama's got one hand and a Clapper.
your mama's got no fingers and a banjo.
your mama's got no ears, but she still says, "I hear ya!".
your mama's got green hair and thinks she's a tree.
your mama's got a bald head with a part and sideburns.
your mama's has no neck and they call her Head and Shoulders.
your mama's has only two fingers and she's asking people to "gimme five".
your mama's has an afro with a chinstrap.
your mama's has three teeth; one in her mouth and two in her pocket.
your mama's has one ear and has to take off her hat to hear what you're saying.
your mama's has one short leg and walks in circles.
your mama's has one short arm and can't applaud.
your mama's has everything a man can want: muscles, a big chest, and a beard.
your mama's like a potato chip -- Fri-to Lay.
your mama's like a screen door -- the more I bang her, the looser she gets.
your mama's like the Pillsbury Dough Boy -- everyone gets a poke.
your mama's like peanut butter -- smooth, creamy, and easy to spread.
your mama's like shotgun: one cock and she blows.
your mama's like a rifle: four ***** and she's loaded.
your mama's like a hardware store: four cents a screw.
your mama's like Domino's Pizza -- "Something for Nothing".
your mama's like a refridgerator, everyone puts their meat in her.
your mama's like a bus -- guys climb on and off her all day long.
your mama's like a Toyota: "Oh, what a feeling".
your mama's like Chinese food -- sweet, sour, and cheap.
your mama's like a bowling ball -- you pick her up, shove your fingers into her, throw her in the gutter and she still comes back for more.
your mama's so fat she was mistaken for God's bowling ball.
your mama's so fat when her beeper goes off, people think she's backing up.
your mama's so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat, folks run after her yelling "TAXI!"
your mama's so fat she had to go to Sea World to get baptized.
your mama's so fat her favorite dress is a tent.
your mama's so fat she left home with high heels, she came back with flip-flops.
your mama's so fat she has to iron her pants on the driveway.
your mama's so fat she needs a building permit for her girdle.
your mama's so fat she puts on tampons with a bazooka.
your mama's so fat she has to put on lipstick with a paint-roller.
your mama's so fat she needed her ears pierced with a harpoon.
your mama's so fat she sat on a rainbow and Skittles popped out.
your mama's so fat she sat on a quarter and got two dimes and a nickel.
your mama's so fat she rolled over four quarters and made it a dollar.
your mama's so fat when she sat on a dollar bill, blood came out of George Washington's nose.
your mama's so fat the Department of Transportation makes her wear a "Caution, Wide Turn" sign.
your mama's so fat when she steps on a scale, it reads "One at a time, please".
your mama's so fat when she steps on a scale, it says "To be continued..."
your mama's so fat when she steps on a scale, it says "I don't do livestock".
your mama's so fat the last time she saw 90210 she was on a scale.
your mama's so fat the back of her neck looks like a pack of hot dogs.
your mama's so fat when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips.
your mama's so fat she eats Wheat THICKS.
your mama's so fat when she bends over we lose an hour of daylight.
your mama's so fat she has her own zip code.
your mama's so fat the phone company gave her two area codes.
your mama's so fat people jog around her for exercise.
your mama's so fat when she puts on her clothes, they beg for mercy.
your mama's so fat when she wears a red dress, kids run after her cuz they think it's the Kool Aid Man.
your mama's so fat when she wears a Malcom X shirt, helicopters try to land on her.
your mama's so fat she shows up on radar.
your mama's so fat when she auditioned for Indiana Jones, she got the part of the big rolling ball.
your mama's so fat she couldn't star in Forrest Gump because she kept eating the box of chocolates.
your mama's so fat they use the elastic in her underwear for bungee jumping ... and they still hit the ground.
your mama's so fat she looks at a menu and goes, "Okay!"
your mama's so fat when she goes to a restaurant, she even orders the "Thank You, Come Again."
your mama's so fat when she goes to a restaurant, she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate.
your mama's so fat when she brought her dress to the cleaners, they said "Sorry, we don't do curtains."
your mama's so fat when the police showed her a picture of her feet, she couldn't identify them.
your mama's so fat when she goes to the beach, the kids yell, "Free Willy!"
your mama's so fat Willy freed her.
your mama's so fat she makes Free Willy look like a Tic Tac.
your mama's so fat the difference between her and Moby Dick is about three pounds.
your mama's so fat when she lies on the beach, no one else gets sun.
your mama's so fat when she sits at the beach, Greenpeace tries to tow her back into the ocean.
your mama's so fat when she sits in front of the "Hollywood" sign, you can only see the "H" and the "D".
your mama's so fat she measures 36-24-36, and the other arm is just as big!
your mama's so fat she was Miss Arizona -- class battleship.
your mama's so fat she doesn't wear Dazzey Dukes; she wears Boss Hoggs.
your mama's so fat she's got more Chins than a Hong Kong phone book.
your mama's so fat her senior picture had to be an aerial view.
your mama's so fat she has to fly cargo class.
your mama's so fat when she puts on a pair of BVD's, it stretches to "BouleVarD".
your mama's so fat she has to wear a sock on each toe.
your mama's so fat she's got shock absorbers on her toilet seat.
your mama's so fat the AIDS quilt can't cover her.
your mama's so fat the National Weather Agency assigns names to her farts.
your mama's so fat she qualifies for group insurance.
your mama's so fat the shadow of her ass weighs 50 lbs.
your mama's so fat her navel gets home 15 minutes before she does.
your mama's so fat when I swerved to avoid her on the road, I ran out of gas.
your mama's so fat you have to grease the door frame and hold a Twinkie on the other side just to get her through.
your mama's so fat even God can't lift her spirits.
your mama's so fat God said "Let there be Light", and moved her fat ass.

 

[Smaasnekje]

your mama's so fat her nickname is "DAMN!".
your mama's so fat she sells shade in the summer.
your mama's so fat cows graze by her for the shade.
your mama's so fat she got on an airplane and only the wings took off.
your mama's so fat when she told the airport she needed to fly right away, they stamped "GoodYear" on her ass and put her on the runway!
your mama's so fat the airport categorizes her ass as carry-on luggage.
your mama's so fat some guy saw her in an alley and said, "Hey you ... yeah, you in the middle...".
your mama's so fat she lost at Hide and Seek when I spotted her behind the Himalayas.
your mama's so fat I have to roll her over twice to get her on her back.
your mama's so fat when your family wants to watch home movies, they ask her to wear white.
your mama's so fat her ass has got more meat than a freezer at Price-Costco.
your mama's so fat I got rich by making her sit on coal.
your mama's so fat she's got tan lines from the refridgerator light.
your mama's so fat her belly button's got an echo.
your mama's so fat I'm jealous of yo daddy. He's got TWICE the woman anyone else has!
your mama's so fat I've known her all my life ... and I still haven't seen ALL of her!
Your mama's so old she remembers the Grand Canyon when it was a ditch.
Your mama's so old you gotta call the fire department when you light her birthday candles.
Your mama's so old her zip code is 00001.
Your mama's so old her birth certificate was in Roman numerals.
Your mama's so old her social security number is zero-zero-one.
Your mama's so old I told her to act her own age and the ***** died.
Your mama's so old she's older than anything in the local antique store.
Your mama's so old the key on Ben Franklin's kite was to her apartment.
Your mama's so old when she ran track in high school, they timed her with a sundial.
Your mama's so old she was a waitress at the Last Supper.
Your mama's so old she's got Jesus' pager number.
Your mama's so old when Moses parted the Red Sea, she was on the other side fishin'.
Your mama's so old when she reads the bible she reminisces.
Your mama's so old she co-wrote one of the Ten Commandments.
Your mama's so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.
Your mama's so old she left her purse on Noah's Ark.
Your mama's so old her birth certificate says, "Expired!" on it.
Your mama's so old when you ask for her ID, she hands you a rock.
Your mama's so old she farts out dust.
Your mama's so old she squirts powdered milk out her nipples.
Your mama's so old her tits are a 34-long.
Your mama's so old when she gave birth, YOU came out with dentures.
Your mama's so old she knew the Garden of Eden when it was a plant.
Your mama's so old I found cave drawings of her.
Your mama's so old she used a brontasaurus to get her drivers' license.
Your mama's so old I slapped her on the back and her tits fell off.
Your mama's so old Jurassic Park brought back memories.
Your mama's so poor she can't pay attention.
Your mama's so poor when I seen her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said, "Moving."
Your mama's so poor when I ring the doorbell, she has to say, "DING!"
Your mama's so poor burglars break into house so they can leave money.
Your mama's so poor she can only afford the "Wel" on the "Welcome" mat.
Your mama's so poor she waves around a popscicle stick and calls it air-conditioning.
Your mama's so poor she's trying to get married so she can get the rice at the wedding.
Your mama's so poor your TV's got two channels: on and off.
Your mama's so poor she eats cereal with a fork so she can save milk.
Your mama's so poor when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people's fingers.
Your mama's so poor they put her face on a foodstamp.
Your mama's so poor she used a tumbleweed for a Christmas tree.
Your mama's so poor she hangs the toilet paper to dry.
Your mama's so poor I saw her wrestle a squirrel for a peanut.
Your mama's so poor you can't kill the roaches in your house, cause they pay half the rent.
your mama's so stupid I caught her looking over a glass wall to see what was on the other side.
your mama's so stupid it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.
your mama's so stupid it took her half an hour to make minute rice.
your mama's so stupid she thought a hot meal was stolen food.
your mama's so stupid she put your puppy in the oven to make a hot dog.
your mama's so stupid she tried to drown a fish.
your mama's so stupid she bought a solar-powered flashlight.
your mama's so stupid she invented glow-in-the-dark sunglasses.
your mama's so stupid she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away the W's.
your mama's so stupid if you gave her a penny for her thoughts, you'd get back change.
your mama's so stupid she took the Pepsi Challenge and chose Jif.
your mama's so stupid she spent twenty minutes staring at the orange juice carton because it said "Concentrate".
your mama's so stupid I told her it was chilly outside, so she went and got a bowl.
your mama's so stupid tried to strangle herself with a cordless phone.
your mama's so stupid she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
your mama's so stupid they had to burn her school down just to get her out of 2nd grade.
your mama's so stupid she asked me what kind of jeans I had on, I said "Guess", and she said "uh, Levi's?".
your mama's so stupid she stands up on an empty bus.
your mama's so stupid when you were born, she looked at the umbilical cord and said, "Hey, it comes with cable."
your mama's so stupid she sold her car for gas money.
your mama's so stupid she checked the Lost and Found when she missed her period.
your mama's so stupid when I asked her to buy me a color TV, she asked me what color.
your mama's so stupid when she saw the "NC-17 (Under 17 Not Admitted)" sign, she went home and got 16 friends.
your mama's so stupid she saw a "Wet Floor" sign, so she took a piss.
your mama's so stupid she got fired from a blow-job.
your mama's so stupid she went to a 24-hr store and asked what time they closed.
your mama's so stupid I saw her in the frozen food section with a fishing rod.
your mama's so stupid she thought Meow Mix was a dance album for cats.
your mama's so stupid I taught her how to do the "Running Man", and I haven't seen her since.
your mama's so stupid someone told her to take out the trash, so she moved out of the house.
your mama's so stupid she writes "Thank You" notes for her bills.
your mama's so stupid she married your daddy.
your mama's so stupid she cooks with Old Spice.
your mama's so ugly your daddy takes her to work so he doesn't need to kiss her goodbye.
your mama's so ugly she looked out the window and got arrested for mooning.
your mama's so ugly when she tried joining an ugly contest, they said, "Sorry, no professionals!"
your mama's so ugly Rice Krispies won't talk to her.
your mama's so ugly she makes blind kids cry.
your mama's so ugly she makes onions cry.
your mama's so ugly I can **** her in any position and its still doggy style.
your mama's so ugly when she threw a boomerang, it wouldn't come back.
your mama's so ugly the last time she heard a whistle was when she got hit by a train.
your mama's so ugly the psychiatrist makes her lie face-down.
your mama's so ugly when she gets up, the sun goes down.
your mama's so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday.
your mama's so ugly on Halloween, people go as her.
your mama's so ugly she has to "Trick or Treat" over the phone.
your mama's so ugly instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck.
your mama's so ugly when she walked into a haunted house, she came out with a paycheck.
your mama's so ugly when she was born, the doctor slapped her mother.
your mama's so ugly when she was born, her mom said, "What a treasure!"; and her husband dad replied, "Yeah, let's go bury it."
your mama's so ugly when she was born, the doctor slapped the wrong end.
your mama's so ugly they push her face into the dough to make gorilla cookies.
your mama's so ugly when I took her to the zoo, a guy at the door said, "Thanks for bringing her back."
your mama's so ugly they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower.
your mama's so ugly her mom had to be drunk to breastfeed her.
your mama's so ugly her mom had to tie a steak around her neck so the dogs would play with her.
your mama's so ugly her mom had to feed her with a slingshot.
your mama's so ugly her picture is on the inside of a Roach Motel.
your mama's so ugly her American Express card left home without her.
your mama's so ugly they put her face on box of Ex-Lax and sold it empty.
your mama's so ugly when she passes by your bathroom, the toilet flushes.
your mama's so ugly when she was born, they put her in an incubator with tinted windows.
your mama's so ugly her parents first named her "Accident".
your mama's so ugly they knew what time she was born, because her face stopped the clock!
your mama's so ugly she must've been born on the freeway -- that's where most accidents happen.
your mama's so ugly I saved her life by killing a ****-eating dog on the way over.
your mama's so ugly condom advocates wanted to use her as a poster child.
your mama's so ugly she makes me wish birth control is retroactive.

I had to split this because CFC only supports 15000 signs in one post

 

[Aphex_Twin]

yo mamma's is so fat she sat on a rainbow and skittles popped out

yo mamma's so fat when God saw her he was sorry for "Let there be light"

 

[Aphex_Twin]

@Smakajee...

I was at work and suddenly the office was filled with this insane laughter... I had to stop reading the stuff...

 

[Superevie]

Yo momma so stupid she got fired from the M & M's factory cuz she threw out the Ws.

 

[Wyrmshadow]

Momma's Teeth so rotten when she smiles looks like she's got a mouth-full of dice.

Momma's so fat she plays hop-scotch like this: LA, Chicago, Detroit, New York.

 

[Superevie]

Originally posted by Wyrmshadow
Momma's Teeth so rotten when she smiles looks like she's got a mouth-full of dice.

Momma's so fat she plays hop-scotch like this: LA, Chicago, Detroit, New York.

Those are really good.

 

[Wyrmshadow]

Originally posted by Superevie


Those are really good.

I went to a black high school so I be knowenz dis 'ear stuf.
The one that nearly made me pee in my pants was the Wheat Thicks ones.

 

[Wyrmshadow]

Your momma is so stupid, that she gave your uncle a blow-job because he said it would be something to put on her resume.
Mamma's so stupid she don't understand gravity. She jumped out a window and the damn ho fell up.
Momma's so fat she fell in love and broke it.
Momma's so fat when she rolls over after sex all the lights go out in the room.
Momma's so fat when she skips they feel it on the Richter Scale.