Jos Ballenbak
Zombiehunter, duh.....
Soon they will die before they are born 
This is the Geoff Show - A Half-Life Tale
- Thread starter Kan' Sharuminar
- Start date
Kan' Sharuminar
Fluffy
Part Three: You Gnome His Name
It takes a couple of seconds for my eyes to adjust to the light, but it didnt take long to recognise the character in front of me.
Geoff? I say in the sort of surprised tone one makes when they come across an old gnome friend. I havent seen you since well since that zombie incident.
He stares at me.
No, Im not sure what happened to Captain2 during it. You told us to take off without him and that he would be fine.
He gives me a knowing look.
Yes why were you laughing as the chopper took off?
Our reunion is interrupted by Alyx who, ignoring Geoff, asks me to plug in a computer despite it being next to her. Clearly shes already jealous of my friendship with Geoff despite the fact shes made no acknowledgment of his presence or asked why Im talking to a gnome. Some things you can just tell.
With my part in Operation: Switch Computer On over, the three of us wait for communications to be established with the rest of the resistance. We get in contact with Dr. Kleiner and Alyxs father, Eli Vance, and tell them all about our adventures. They get a bit concerned about this super portal thing happening at the former Citadel, and Geoff becomes interested too.
Fun fact: The Seven Hour War only lasted so long because Geoff was at the front-lines.
Theres more exposition to come: apparently the Combine need to get in contact with their homeworld in order to set up the portal, and as it happens Alyx and I have an information packet that would allow us to stop said cataclysmic event. We just need to get the data into space. Or something - Ive lost interest at this point because it seems the Combine have begun sweeping the area.
Geoff and I look at each other grimly. Id rather not travel through a forest while being shot at - Im not even that fond of being in a forest without being shot at, Im a scientist for goodness sake! And I think the enemy may have Daleks, by the sound of it.
Still, Geoff seems quite keen on the whole send a rocket into outer space idea, and getting to this base does sound better than my plan, which involved hiding in a corner. And so, with some reluctance, our fellowship departs!
It takes a couple of seconds for my eyes to adjust to the light, but it didnt take long to recognise the character in front of me.
Geoff? I say in the sort of surprised tone one makes when they come across an old gnome friend. I havent seen you since well since that zombie incident.
He stares at me.
No, Im not sure what happened to Captain2 during it. You told us to take off without him and that he would be fine.
He gives me a knowing look.
Yes why were you laughing as the chopper took off?
Our reunion is interrupted by Alyx who, ignoring Geoff, asks me to plug in a computer despite it being next to her. Clearly shes already jealous of my friendship with Geoff despite the fact shes made no acknowledgment of his presence or asked why Im talking to a gnome. Some things you can just tell.
With my part in Operation: Switch Computer On over, the three of us wait for communications to be established with the rest of the resistance. We get in contact with Dr. Kleiner and Alyxs father, Eli Vance, and tell them all about our adventures. They get a bit concerned about this super portal thing happening at the former Citadel, and Geoff becomes interested too.
Fun fact: The Seven Hour War only lasted so long because Geoff was at the front-lines.
Theres more exposition to come: apparently the Combine need to get in contact with their homeworld in order to set up the portal, and as it happens Alyx and I have an information packet that would allow us to stop said cataclysmic event. We just need to get the data into space. Or something - Ive lost interest at this point because it seems the Combine have begun sweeping the area.
Geoff and I look at each other grimly. Id rather not travel through a forest while being shot at - Im not even that fond of being in a forest without being shot at, Im a scientist for goodness sake! And I think the enemy may have Daleks, by the sound of it.
Still, Geoff seems quite keen on the whole send a rocket into outer space idea, and getting to this base does sound better than my plan, which involved hiding in a corner. And so, with some reluctance, our fellowship departs!
Captain2
ಠ_ృ
Jos Ballenbak
Zombiehunter, duh.....
cheer up captain2, you probably are still alive.......
Maniacal
the green Napoleon
In our hearts and fond memories.
GenMarshall
Sin'dorei ISB Capt & Ghost Agent
No mention of me? I am a sad Jill Sandvich 
.
.
Maniacal
the green Napoleon
Kan' Sharuminar
Fluffy
Well, he was in our hearts and memories. Well, memories. Well...he was there.
No mention of me? I am a sad Jill Sandvich
CivGeneral also took part in the proceedings mentioned above.
Jos Ballenbak
Zombiehunter, duh.....
Well, he was in our hearts and memories. Well, memories. Well...he was there.
CivGeneral also took part in the proceedings mentioned above.
You know you can't put me in a situation like that, otherwise it would become complete nonsense. No way a zombie horde can stop me
!I'm like Stallone in the Expendables! (and yes I already watched it in the movie theatre, and it was Awesome)
GenMarshall
Sin'dorei ISB Capt & Ghost Agent
You know you can't put me in a situation like that, otherwise it would become complete nonsense. No way a zombie horde can stop me
That's what Captain2 said moments before a tank punched a car right ontop of his head
.
Jos Ballenbak
Zombiehunter, duh.....
Captain2 ain't a world famous ass kicking woman loving über zombie hunter
Captain2
ಠ_ృ
Yeah, sadly I'm only ranked in Canada
Kan' Sharuminar
Fluffy
Part Four: Gnomeward Bound
We’re barely a minute into our adventure and already Geoff is proving his worth.
Ooh, cheers mate, I probably would have missed that.
We make our way into the mineshaft, which has the unfortunate problem of having it’s exit boarded up. While Alyx wanders off to fight a head crab, Geoff and I work on the task of somehow getting past this blockade. All we have at our disposal is a heavily-ladened railcart which is sitting atop a steep hill and pointed straight at the exit. With the selective removal of some of the objects blocking it it would be sent smashing through anything in its path.
“Well Geoff, I’m at a loss here.”
He carefully explains to me some basic principles of gravity.
“Of course! Why didn’t I see that before?”
Geoff, being the noble adventurous sort of fellow that he is, demands that he be the one to guide the cart down the hill. He refuses to listen to my argument that the cart is literally on a rail and can only go one direction, and claims that only he can land this thing safely. Since it’s always a good idea to listen to Geoff, I give in and let him do his thing.
Good luck buddy!
It worked! Geoff, you’re a bloody genius!
Alyx and I make our way out of the mineshaft, with her making some comment that “she can always count on me to find a way through.” I have no idea why she says it, and when I mumble something about it being Geoff’s idea she gives me a strange look - a sort of mix between pity and concern. I ignore it, as I’m more concerned for Geoff - he’s nowhere to be found among the rubble and I suddenly realise I don’t know how fragile he might be.
But it’s alright because, nearby:
“Oh Geoff, you’re so damn suave. If they ever get the James Bond franchise back up and running you should definitely audition for the title roll.”
He looks at me.
“Brilliant, so damn witty! I can never think of one liners that good until at least an hour after the event.”
Our escape has led us into some sort of abandoned industrial sector. Geoff and I have a look around while Alyx explains about this spaceship we’re trying to get to. It’s not very exciting - just something the Resistance had lying around and didn’t think to use against, I dunno, their enemies. I suppose they were right in the end - why bother using such weapons to blow up the Citadel when a guy with a crowbar and a goatee will do the job just as well?
And then we hear a sound, a sort of low groaning noise. Alyx seems a little worried, and I’m about to comment that it should be alright ‘cos, to me, it just sounded like a robotic frog with a speech impediment, but then I see it.
It is a robotic frog with a speech impediment. The Combine are getting wacky with their designs, it seems.
We make our way into the industrial site, and I notice a lot of dead antlions in a heap on the ground. They must be the natural prey of the robotic frog. Robog, I dub thee. Meanwhile, Alyx and Geoff get to work setting up a defence perimeter.
It’s lovely to see them working together, as I’d be unable to choose between them. While they make sure the area is safe, I do a bit of exploring to try and find the gate controls. They are, inevitably, behind a locked door and require a bit of climbing and jumping to get access to them. Story of my life for the past couple of days. Anyway, gate opened and it’s a quick crawl back to…
Then stop looking at me and start pointing that gun towa…
Oh god no! What I said before about not choosing between them? TAKE ALYX! JUST DON’T HARM GEOFF! HE’S SO YOUNG!
I try to scramble out from under the hut, but the Robog simply punches me back in with very little difficulty, knocking me out. I regain consciousness for a few seconds to see what could only be described as the great battle of our time:
YOU. SHALL NOT. PASS!
We’re barely a minute into our adventure and already Geoff is proving his worth.
Ooh, cheers mate, I probably would have missed that.
We make our way into the mineshaft, which has the unfortunate problem of having it’s exit boarded up. While Alyx wanders off to fight a head crab, Geoff and I work on the task of somehow getting past this blockade. All we have at our disposal is a heavily-ladened railcart which is sitting atop a steep hill and pointed straight at the exit. With the selective removal of some of the objects blocking it it would be sent smashing through anything in its path.
“Well Geoff, I’m at a loss here.”
He carefully explains to me some basic principles of gravity.
“Of course! Why didn’t I see that before?”
Geoff, being the noble adventurous sort of fellow that he is, demands that he be the one to guide the cart down the hill. He refuses to listen to my argument that the cart is literally on a rail and can only go one direction, and claims that only he can land this thing safely. Since it’s always a good idea to listen to Geoff, I give in and let him do his thing.
Good luck buddy!
It worked! Geoff, you’re a bloody genius!
Alyx and I make our way out of the mineshaft, with her making some comment that “she can always count on me to find a way through.” I have no idea why she says it, and when I mumble something about it being Geoff’s idea she gives me a strange look - a sort of mix between pity and concern. I ignore it, as I’m more concerned for Geoff - he’s nowhere to be found among the rubble and I suddenly realise I don’t know how fragile he might be.
But it’s alright because, nearby:
“Oh Geoff, you’re so damn suave. If they ever get the James Bond franchise back up and running you should definitely audition for the title roll.”
He looks at me.
“Brilliant, so damn witty! I can never think of one liners that good until at least an hour after the event.”
Our escape has led us into some sort of abandoned industrial sector. Geoff and I have a look around while Alyx explains about this spaceship we’re trying to get to. It’s not very exciting - just something the Resistance had lying around and didn’t think to use against, I dunno, their enemies. I suppose they were right in the end - why bother using such weapons to blow up the Citadel when a guy with a crowbar and a goatee will do the job just as well?
And then we hear a sound, a sort of low groaning noise. Alyx seems a little worried, and I’m about to comment that it should be alright ‘cos, to me, it just sounded like a robotic frog with a speech impediment, but then I see it.
It is a robotic frog with a speech impediment. The Combine are getting wacky with their designs, it seems.
We make our way into the industrial site, and I notice a lot of dead antlions in a heap on the ground. They must be the natural prey of the robotic frog. Robog, I dub thee. Meanwhile, Alyx and Geoff get to work setting up a defence perimeter.
It’s lovely to see them working together, as I’d be unable to choose between them. While they make sure the area is safe, I do a bit of exploring to try and find the gate controls. They are, inevitably, behind a locked door and require a bit of climbing and jumping to get access to them. Story of my life for the past couple of days. Anyway, gate opened and it’s a quick crawl back to…
Then stop looking at me and start pointing that gun towa…
Oh god no! What I said before about not choosing between them? TAKE ALYX! JUST DON’T HARM GEOFF! HE’S SO YOUNG!
I try to scramble out from under the hut, but the Robog simply punches me back in with very little difficulty, knocking me out. I regain consciousness for a few seconds to see what could only be described as the great battle of our time:
YOU. SHALL NOT. PASS!
Thrawn
Emperor
Last image is broken for me Kan.
Jos Ballenbak
Zombiehunter, duh.....
not for me !
AWESOME!!!
GO GEOFF~!!!!!
AWESOME!!!
GO GEOFF~!!!!!
Maniacal
the green Napoleon
*begins knitting a straight jacket*
Thrawn
Emperor
Yeah it works now. 
Captain2
ಠ_ృ
pleasekillthegnomepleasekillthegnomepleasekillthegnomepleasekillthegnome
Serutan
Eatibus Anythingibus
But if he does, he won't be able to get great bargains at hotels!
