This one is funny

[aimeeandbeatles]

http://www.eduplace.com/tales/content/wwt_089.html

I'd post mine, but I put in some obscene words and I think thats against the forum rules.

Spoiler :

Never leave your [feces] unattended. It may [copulate].

 

[Bigfoot3814]

Everyone's stealing my ideas.

 

[Deep Thought]

Here is mine:

This safety booklet provides some pointers for operating your new banana safely.

* Always remember to wear your germans so that your eyes are protected.
* Never leave your banana unattended. It may move.
* If you are using your banana in an enclosed area, open the large hadron colliders to allow foggy air into the room.
* Do not put your banana under water. This can damage the water resistant parts of the banana.
* Do not expose your banana to too much sunlight. Too much sunlight can cause the surface of the banana to bombard and torment.
* Always use caution when waiting with the banana.
* Never use the banana near an open flame. It could easily myth bust and cause much damage.
* If you are going to use the banana during the thumb fight season, make sure to wear really nice looking sci-fi shoes.

 

[mythmonster2]

EDIT: OK, this one's better.

Aries — Ram (March 21-April 19)
Someone you know may be feeling loopy. Stay out of the way!

Taurus — Bull (April 20-May 20)
Don't listen in public. It could prove embarrassing.

Gemini — Twins (May 21-June 20)
Control the urge to joke. kill instead.

Cancer — Crab (June 21-July 22)
exploding too many staplers will leave you exhausted!

Leo — Lion (July 23-August 22)
A loved one thinks you are painful. Do not be taken in by flattery.

Virgo — Virgin (August 23-September 22)
eat in private when possible. It's difficult to concentrate when people are watching.

Libra— Scales (September 23-October 22)
Avoid ranting CDs.

Scorpio — Scorpion (October 23-November 21)
Never loan money to angry dwarves! They are poor credit risks.

Sagittarius — Archer (November 22-December 21)
Today is a good day to look a(n) speaker.

Capricorn — Goat (December 22-January 19)
You may receive some tissues from a secret admirer! Water them every day, and they will last a long time.

Aquarius — Water Bearer (January 20-February 18)
Unless you organize your papers better, you won't get anything done.

Pisces — Fish (February 19-March 20)
A good friend will give you $62 to buy new Nintendo DSs. Be sure to thank your friend.

OK, I'll go look a speaker then.

 

[Firestorm94]

Mine was kind of weird
* Always remember to wear your countries so that your eyes are protected.
* Never leave your house unattended. It may eat.
* If you are using your house in an enclosed area, open the muffins to allow incredible air into the room.
* Do not put your house under water. This can damage the the parts of the house.
* Do not expose your house to too much sunlight. Too much sunlight can cause the surface of the house to enter and attack.
* Always use caution when lying with the house.
* Never use the house near an open flame. It could easily explode and cause much damage.
* If you are going to use the house during the summer, make sure to wear weird shirt.
words to live by

 

[Firestorm94]

Gemini — Twins (May 21-June 20)
Control the urge to joke. kill instead.

uhh my sign's Gemini

 

[rhawn]

This safety booklet provides some pointers for operating your new bird safely.


Always remember to wear your sausages so that your eyes are protected.
Never leave your bird unattended. It may is.
If you are using your bird in an enclosed area, open the vomit to allow frisky air into the room.
Do not put your bird under water. This can damage the raunchy parts of the bird.
Do not expose your bird to too much sunlight. Too much sunlight can cause the surface of the bird to lighting and suffocate.
Always use caution when defecating with the bird.
Never use the bird near an open flame. It could easily menstruate and cause much damage.
If you are going to use the bird during the ramadan, make sure to wear greasy moccasins.

 

[Onionsoilder]

This safety booklet provides some pointers for operating your new Pie safely.

* Always remember to wear your oven mittens so that your eyes are protected.
* Never leave your pie unattended. It may hide.
* If you are using your pie in an enclosed area, open the quarters to allow funny air into the room.
* Do not put your pie under water. This can damage the old parts of the pie.
* Do not expose your Pie to too much sunlight. Too much sunlight can cause the surface of the pie to jump and yell.
* Always use caution when Sleeping with the Pie.
* Never use the pie near an open flame. It could easily run and cause much damage.
* If you are going to use the pie during the Summer, make sure to wear green pants.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

This safety booklet provides some pointers for operating your new Man-o-War safely.

• Always remember to wear your chickens so that your eyes are protected.
• Never leave your Man-o-War unattended. It may hover.
• If you are using your Man-o-War in an enclosed area, open the moose to allow irate air into the room.
• Do not put your Man-o-War under water. This can damage the superfluous parts of the Man-o-War.
• Do not expose your Man-o-War to too much sunlight. Too much sunlight can cause the surface of the Man-o-War to ring and duct-tape.
• Always use caution when skiving with the Man-o-War.
• Never use the Man-o-War near an open flame. It could easily eject and cause much damage.
• If you are going to use the Man-o-War during the Autumn, make sure to wear blasphemous Fedoras.

It almost makes sense!

 

[caketastydelish]

Safety Booklet

This safety booklet provides some pointers for operating your new car safely.

Always remember to wear your ipods so that your eyes are protected.
Never leave your car unattended. It may shot.
If you are using your car in an enclosed area, open the houses to allow smart air into the room.
Do not put your car under water. This can damage the tall parts of the car.
Do not expose your car to too much sunlight. Too much sunlight can cause the surface of the car to punch and sleep.
Always use caution when farting with the car.
Never use the car near an open flame. It could easily think and cause much damage.
If you are going to use the car during the winter, make sure to wear ugly sweatpants.

 

[Big_I]

Just so you know a flanger is a type of audio effect that sound pretty cool.

This safety booklet provides some pointers for operating your new flanger safely.

* Always remember to wear your moose so that your eyes are protected.
* Never leave your flanger unattended. It may defunk.
* If you are using your flanger in an enclosed area, open the beliefs to allow erroneous air into the room.
* Do not put your flanger under water. This can damage the outspoken parts of the flanger.
* Do not expose your flanger to too much sunlight. Too much sunlight can cause the surface of the flanger to negate and induce.
* Always use caution when tooling with the flanger.
* Never use the flanger near an open flame. It could easily hyper-extend and cause much damage.
* If you are going to use the flanger during the football season, make sure to wear fradulant loin cloths.