Simon Darkshade
Mysterious City of Gold
Here are three items that may give some merriment. Enjoy.
Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School.Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her
while she was napping, "Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?"
When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy
seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.
"God Almighty!" shouted Mary and the teacher said, "Very good," and Mary fell back asleep.
A while later the teacher asked Mary, "Who is our Lord and Savior?" But, Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again,
Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again.
Jesus Christ!" shouted Mary and the teacher said, "Very good," and Mary fell back asleep.
Then the teacher asked Mary a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And
again, Johnny Jabbed her with the pin.
This time Mary jumped up and shouted, "If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!"
The Teacher fainted
> > >> If We Haven't Arrived Start The Battle Without Us.
> > >>
> > >> To: The Indonesian Foreign Minister
> > >> From: The Australian Prime Minister
> > >>
> > >> My Dear Dr Alatas,
> > >>
> > >> May I thank you, on behalf of the Australian people, for your
> > >country's >
> > >most > kind declaration of war, received in my office at 8pm last night.
> > >>
> > >With sincere regret, I must decline your invitation to fight. If you >
> > >could > delay your invasion of our northern coastline until, say, 2015,
> > >I'm
> > >sure > we'd be able to give you a terrific scrap. But at the moment I
> > >doubt we > could even field a team.
> > >> Our F-111s are grounded again, and, because of their age (ours have
> > >the >
> > >gearshift on the steering column, and those indicators that flip out of
> > >>
> > >the > door pillars), spare parts are available only at wrecking yards
> > >and
> > >swap > meets. Also, we just can't seem to get them to run properly on
> > >unleaded. > The Chinooks in Townsville are grounded, too. Losing the
> > >choppers is bad > news as our fixed-wing capacity in the north is
> > >presently
> > >in tatters. > Why? > A slight kerfuffle over my good friend Warren
> > >Entsch's
> > >concreting business > has left our RAAF base at Weipa short of a number
> > >of
> > >desirable features - > like a runway.
> > >> Our Defence Minister, Mr Moore, sends his apologies, but insists that
> > >a >
> > >war > is presently out of the question as we don't have a Defence
> > >Secretary.
> > >> Well we have one, but he's currently trying to wrestle Mr Moore to
> > >death >
> > >in > the Federal Court, for wrongful dismissal. It would be a little
> > >unfair > on > Mr Moore to begin a war while nobody in the Defence
> > >Department
> > >will speak > to > him.
> > >> You will probably know that the Chief of Navy isn't getting a new
> > >contract
> > >> either but, even if he was, I could not possibly commit our senior
> > >service
> > >> to any conflict. Our two Collins submarines, Drowning and Waving,
> > >have >
> > >just returned from sea trials off Fiji to assess their design targets of
> > >>
> > >silence and stealth. Every time they went into reverse, normal >
> > >conversation became impossible across most of Chile and Peru. It is
> > >also
> > >> disheartening that Drowning ran aground, especially as this mishap
> > >somehow
> > >> snapped off her periscope. Think about it!
> > >> Not that we have enough submariners to man the boats anyway.
> > >Attracting
> > >> career sailors to our modern professional navy has not been helped by
> > >>
> > >recent > revelations on prime time television that recruits are
> > >routinely
> > >stripped > naked, smeared with food scraps and excrement, and flogged on
> > >the
> > >> buttocks. > I take no comfort from the flood of applications this
> > >publicity drew from > Tasmania.
> > >> The army is still the bulwark of Australia's security, but even there
> > >>
> > >things > are difficult. Changes following the Women In Combat report,
> > >and
> > >> same-sex > relationship rulings, have, in my opinion compromised our
> > >flexibility. > For > example, both the First Heavy Armoured (Dykes With
> > >Pykes) and the Gay > Fusiliers (The Queens Light Foot) refuse to fight
> > >for a
> > >fortnight either > side of the Sydney Mardi Gras.
> > >> Other soldiers are insisting, these days, on owning the conflict and
> > >have
> > >> begun to enrol in regular workshops to manage their aggression. High
> > >>
> > >Court > rulings may also mean, with no offence Dr Alatas, that we cannot
> > >engage in > a > battle against a racially-selected enemy force. Can
> > >you
> > >recruit a > sprinkling of Europeans next time? By all means take as
> > >many
> > >of ours as > you want.
> > >> It is a good indication of the quality of our Defence Intelligence >
> > >Organisation that I am unable to send this transmission in code. The >
> > >code > books were stolen by an unstable, steroid abuser, Jean-Phillippe
> > >>
> > >Wispelaere, > shrewdly recruited by the DIO, and entrusted with most of
> > >our
> > >defence > secrets. So now we don't have any. Mr Wispelaere sold them
> > >all
> > >in > Bangkok. > If you have any secrets you don't need any more, we
> > >would be
> > >most grateful > for them. I should have the code books back soon.
> > >Christies are > auctioning them in Havana next week. In the meantime,
> > >DIO
> > >suggests we do > the old a=b, b=c, c=d code. They swear by it.
> > >> I know our refusal will be a considerable disappointment to you, but
> > >can I
> > >> suggest that you consider invading New Zealand instead? Their only >
> > >significant defence capability lies with their two Anzac-class frigates,
> > >>
> > >Mulk and Lemb. I have no doubt you'll cream them, and I should know. >
> > >They were both built in Australia.
> > >>
> > >> Best wishes, John Howard
>20 Chinese Proverbs
>
>
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >
> >> > 1- Virginity like bubble, one prick - all gone.
> >> >
> >> > 2- Man who run in front of car get tired.
> >> >
> >> > 3- Man who run behind car get exhausted.
> >> >
> >> > 4- Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
> >> >
> >> > 5- Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man
>give
> >> > wife upright organ.
> >> >
> >> > 6- Man who walk through airport turnstile
>sideways
> >> > going to Bangkok.
> >> >
> >> > 7- Man with one chopstick go hungry.
> >> >
> >> > 8- Man who scratch ass should not bite
>fingernails.
> >> >
> >> > 9- Man who eat prunes get good run for
>money.
> >> >
> >> > 10- Baseball is wrong, man with four balls
>cannot
>walk.
> >> >
> >> > 11- Panties not best thing on earth, but next to
> >> > best thing on earth.
> >> >
> >> > 12- War does not determine who is right, war
> >> > determine who is left.
> >> >
> >> > 13- Wife who put husband in doghouse soon
>find
>him
> >> > in cat house.
> >> >
> >> > 14- Man who fight with wife all day get no piece
>at
>night.
> >> >
> >> >
> >> > 15- It take many nails to build crib, only one
> >> > screw to fill it.
> >> >
> >> > 16- Man who drive like hell bound to get there.
> >> >
> >> > 17- Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
> >> >
> >> > 18- Man who live in glass house should change
> >> > clothes in basement.
> >> >
> >> > 19- Man who fish in other man's well often
>catch
> >> > crabs.
> >> >
> >> > 20- Man who fart in church sit in own pew.
------------------
Whether you like it or not, history is on our side. We will bury you.
- N.S.Khrushchev
[This message has been edited by Simon Darkshade (edited June 18, 2001).]
Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School.Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her
while she was napping, "Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?"
When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy
seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.
"God Almighty!" shouted Mary and the teacher said, "Very good," and Mary fell back asleep.
A while later the teacher asked Mary, "Who is our Lord and Savior?" But, Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again,
Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again.
Jesus Christ!" shouted Mary and the teacher said, "Very good," and Mary fell back asleep.
Then the teacher asked Mary a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And
again, Johnny Jabbed her with the pin.
This time Mary jumped up and shouted, "If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!"
The Teacher fainted
> > >> If We Haven't Arrived Start The Battle Without Us.
> > >>
> > >> To: The Indonesian Foreign Minister
> > >> From: The Australian Prime Minister
> > >>
> > >> My Dear Dr Alatas,
> > >>
> > >> May I thank you, on behalf of the Australian people, for your
> > >country's >
> > >most > kind declaration of war, received in my office at 8pm last night.
> > >>
> > >With sincere regret, I must decline your invitation to fight. If you >
> > >could > delay your invasion of our northern coastline until, say, 2015,
> > >I'm
> > >sure > we'd be able to give you a terrific scrap. But at the moment I
> > >doubt we > could even field a team.
> > >> Our F-111s are grounded again, and, because of their age (ours have
> > >the >
> > >gearshift on the steering column, and those indicators that flip out of
> > >>
> > >the > door pillars), spare parts are available only at wrecking yards
> > >and
> > >swap > meets. Also, we just can't seem to get them to run properly on
> > >unleaded. > The Chinooks in Townsville are grounded, too. Losing the
> > >choppers is bad > news as our fixed-wing capacity in the north is
> > >presently
> > >in tatters. > Why? > A slight kerfuffle over my good friend Warren
> > >Entsch's
> > >concreting business > has left our RAAF base at Weipa short of a number
> > >of
> > >desirable features - > like a runway.
> > >> Our Defence Minister, Mr Moore, sends his apologies, but insists that
> > >a >
> > >war > is presently out of the question as we don't have a Defence
> > >Secretary.
> > >> Well we have one, but he's currently trying to wrestle Mr Moore to
> > >death >
> > >in > the Federal Court, for wrongful dismissal. It would be a little
> > >unfair > on > Mr Moore to begin a war while nobody in the Defence
> > >Department
> > >will speak > to > him.
> > >> You will probably know that the Chief of Navy isn't getting a new
> > >contract
> > >> either but, even if he was, I could not possibly commit our senior
> > >service
> > >> to any conflict. Our two Collins submarines, Drowning and Waving,
> > >have >
> > >just returned from sea trials off Fiji to assess their design targets of
> > >>
> > >silence and stealth. Every time they went into reverse, normal >
> > >conversation became impossible across most of Chile and Peru. It is
> > >also
> > >> disheartening that Drowning ran aground, especially as this mishap
> > >somehow
> > >> snapped off her periscope. Think about it!
> > >> Not that we have enough submariners to man the boats anyway.
> > >Attracting
> > >> career sailors to our modern professional navy has not been helped by
> > >>
> > >recent > revelations on prime time television that recruits are
> > >routinely
> > >stripped > naked, smeared with food scraps and excrement, and flogged on
> > >the
> > >> buttocks. > I take no comfort from the flood of applications this
> > >publicity drew from > Tasmania.
> > >> The army is still the bulwark of Australia's security, but even there
> > >>
> > >things > are difficult. Changes following the Women In Combat report,
> > >and
> > >> same-sex > relationship rulings, have, in my opinion compromised our
> > >flexibility. > For > example, both the First Heavy Armoured (Dykes With
> > >Pykes) and the Gay > Fusiliers (The Queens Light Foot) refuse to fight
> > >for a
> > >fortnight either > side of the Sydney Mardi Gras.
> > >> Other soldiers are insisting, these days, on owning the conflict and
> > >have
> > >> begun to enrol in regular workshops to manage their aggression. High
> > >>
> > >Court > rulings may also mean, with no offence Dr Alatas, that we cannot
> > >engage in > a > battle against a racially-selected enemy force. Can
> > >you
> > >recruit a > sprinkling of Europeans next time? By all means take as
> > >many
> > >of ours as > you want.
> > >> It is a good indication of the quality of our Defence Intelligence >
> > >Organisation that I am unable to send this transmission in code. The >
> > >code > books were stolen by an unstable, steroid abuser, Jean-Phillippe
> > >>
> > >Wispelaere, > shrewdly recruited by the DIO, and entrusted with most of
> > >our
> > >defence > secrets. So now we don't have any. Mr Wispelaere sold them
> > >all
> > >in > Bangkok. > If you have any secrets you don't need any more, we
> > >would be
> > >most grateful > for them. I should have the code books back soon.
> > >Christies are > auctioning them in Havana next week. In the meantime,
> > >DIO
> > >suggests we do > the old a=b, b=c, c=d code. They swear by it.
> > >> I know our refusal will be a considerable disappointment to you, but
> > >can I
> > >> suggest that you consider invading New Zealand instead? Their only >
> > >significant defence capability lies with their two Anzac-class frigates,
> > >>
> > >Mulk and Lemb. I have no doubt you'll cream them, and I should know. >
> > >They were both built in Australia.
> > >>
> > >> Best wishes, John Howard
>20 Chinese Proverbs
>
>
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >
> >> > 1- Virginity like bubble, one prick - all gone.
> >> >
> >> > 2- Man who run in front of car get tired.
> >> >
> >> > 3- Man who run behind car get exhausted.
> >> >
> >> > 4- Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
> >> >
> >> > 5- Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man
>give
> >> > wife upright organ.
> >> >
> >> > 6- Man who walk through airport turnstile
>sideways
> >> > going to Bangkok.
> >> >
> >> > 7- Man with one chopstick go hungry.
> >> >
> >> > 8- Man who scratch ass should not bite
>fingernails.
> >> >
> >> > 9- Man who eat prunes get good run for
>money.
> >> >
> >> > 10- Baseball is wrong, man with four balls
>cannot
>walk.
> >> >
> >> > 11- Panties not best thing on earth, but next to
> >> > best thing on earth.
> >> >
> >> > 12- War does not determine who is right, war
> >> > determine who is left.
> >> >
> >> > 13- Wife who put husband in doghouse soon
>find
>him
> >> > in cat house.
> >> >
> >> > 14- Man who fight with wife all day get no piece
>at
>night.
> >> >
> >> >
> >> > 15- It take many nails to build crib, only one
> >> > screw to fill it.
> >> >
> >> > 16- Man who drive like hell bound to get there.
> >> >
> >> > 17- Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
> >> >
> >> > 18- Man who live in glass house should change
> >> > clothes in basement.
> >> >
> >> > 19- Man who fish in other man's well often
>catch
> >> > crabs.
> >> >
> >> > 20- Man who fart in church sit in own pew.
------------------
Whether you like it or not, history is on our side. We will bury you.
- N.S.Khrushchev
[This message has been edited by Simon Darkshade (edited June 18, 2001).]
