What if men get pregnant...

[GenghisK]

Morning sickness would rank as the nations #1 health problem.
Maternity leave would last for two years with full pay.
Children would be kept in the hospital until toilet trained.
Natural childbirth would become obsolete.
All methods of birth control would become 100% effective.
Men would be eager to talk about commitment.
There would be a cure for stretch marks.
They would serve beer instead of coffee at antenatal classes.
Men wouldn't think twins were so cute.
Sons would have to come home from dates by 9 pm.

 

[GenghisK]

Reasons Why It Is So Great To Be A GUY!!


Phone Conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
Dry cleaners and hair cutters don't rob you blind.
You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
You can leave the motel bed unmade.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
You can kill your own food.
Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking: "He must be mad at me."
Gray hair and wrinkles only add character.
Wedding dress - $2,000. Tuxedo rental - 75 bucks.
You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.
You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
You know which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
Wrinkles are non-existent in your clothes.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You don't have to shave below your neck.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.

 

[napoleon526]

Ahh, it's great to be a guy.

 

[Becka]

Originally posted by GenghisK

You can open all your own jars.

HEY! I can open (almost) all my own jars. And other people's too. In fact, if I can't open it, it just can't be opened. But what does this say about me?

 

[Simon Darkshade]

Originally posted by Becka
HEY! I can open (almost) all my own jars. And other people's too. In fact, if I can't open it, it just can't be opened. But what does this say about me?

What it say about you, my dear Becka, is that you have a long and happy life to look forward to as a jar opener on an assembly line.

 

[Becka]

Originally posted by Simon Darkshade


What it say about you, my dear Becka, is that you have a long and happy life to look forward to as a jar opener on an assembly line.

Hey, it'll pay the bills whilst I attend Simon Darkshade's School of Evil Monasiticsm.

[Edit- LOOK! See? I used "whilst" in my post. I'm learning already. ]

 

[Simon Darkshade]

Originally posted by Becka
Hey, it'll pay the bills whilst I attend Simon Darkshade's School of Evil Monasiticsm.

[Edit- LOOK! See? I used "whilst" in my post. I'm learning already. ]

Excellent. Your lessons progress well. Add a few more evil laughs, very long words, comic alliteration, and sprinklings of "Indeed" and "Verily", and you'll be well on the way to wearing the black habit with pride.

 

[philippe]

if men could get pregnant there will be A LOT of gays in the world

 

[allhailIndia]

You forget one thing, you don't hate the person who has worn the same outfit as you at the party, why, you may even end being best friends.

 

[philippe]

Originally posted by allhailIndia
You forget one thing, you don't hate the person who has worn the same outfit as you at the party, why, you may even end being best friends.

wow...this is strange...
if men could get pregnant woman are useless and could just be locked up in a cage and "use " them for cleaning duties and for "entertainment" :enlighten

 

[Becka]

Originally posted by philippe

wow...this is strange...
if men could get pregnant woman are useless and could just be locked up in a cage and "use " them for cleaning duties and for "entertainment" :enlighten

What? So nothing would change?

The only difference now is the nine month waiting period.

 

[G-Man]

Yeah. Guys would no longer have to wait 9 months in order to get 'entertainment' again...

 

[GenghisK]

Who said they have to wait for 9 months?
I was told lot of them don't wait

 

[Switch625]

Originally posted by Becka


Hey, it'll pay the bills whilst I attend Simon Darkshade's School of Evil Monasiticsm.

[Edit- LOOK! See? I used "whilst" in my post. I'm learning already. ]

I didn't know that disciples of evil liked butterflies.

 

[philippe]

they like to eat butterflies

 

[Becka]

Originally posted by Switch625


I didn't know that disciples of evil liked butterflies.

As long as their evil butteflies.

 

[allhailIndia]

Originally posted by Becka


As long as their evil butteflies.

That butterfly looks something akin to what I would squelch for fun, not the other way round

 

[GenghisK]

Philosphy of a woman...

What I Want in a Man, Original List
1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
4. A caring listener
5. Witty
6. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8. Appreciates finer things 9. Full of thoughtful surprises
10. An imaginative, romantic lover

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 32)
1. Nice looking (prefer hair on his head)
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner
4. Listens more than talks
5. Laughs at my jokes
6. Carries bags of groceries with ease
7. Owns at least one tie
8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries
10. Seeks romance at least once a week

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 42)
1. Not too ugly (bald head OK)
2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
3. Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally
4. Nods head when I'm talking
5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down
10. Shaves most weekends

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 52)
1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public
3. Doesn't borrow money too often
4. Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting
5. Doesn't retell the same joke too many times
6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends
7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
8. Appreciates a good TV dinner
9. Remembers your name on occasion
10. Shaves some weekends

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 62)
1. Doesn't scare small children
2. Remembers where bathroom is
3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep
4. Only snores lightly when asleep
5. Remembers why he's laughing
6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
7. Usually wears some clothes
8. Likes soft foods
9. Remembers where he left his teeth
10. Remembers that it's the weekend

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 72)
1. Breathing
2. Doesn't miss the toilet

 

[Daaraa]

I printed this off when my wife asked why I was laughing so hard.
She read it.
She is still laughing and is now sitting on the toilet. (She's pregnant and said the laughing made her go. )

 

[philippe]

congratulations with your wife daaraa!